Got called "woke" for standing up for a teenage girl on the bus

[Bdaybdilemma]

Was on my way home from town. The bus arrived and a teenage girl who had been stood next to the shelter climbed aboard ahead of the older people in the shelter, skipping the queue. A man (maybe 60 but tall and big build) standing behind her beside the shelter, pulled her backwards using the handle of her backpack, forcefully enough that it pulled her whole body backwards. She didn't say anything to him, kind of awkwardly smiled.

I didn't say anything at the time as I was trying to establish whether she knew him. He then sat at the front of the bus talking to the women she'd attempted to push in front of, and the girl went to sit at the back. I had a chat with her, she was quite shy and told me she didn't know him and she was just on her way home from college.

Just before my stop I approached him and told him quietly I'd seen him grab the backpack of the young woman to pull her backwards and it wasn't ok. He said she'd tried to cut the queue and it was just a little tug.

The two women who he was talking to then starting saying it was disrespectful (not sure if they meant the line cutting or me confronting him) and "oh are you woke". I said regardless of what you think of someone's behaviour it's unacceptable to touch them, and if he had grabbed the backpack of an older person, would that be respectful?

YABU - he was right to grab her
YANBU - he shouldn't have grabbed her

She tried to queue jump. She wasn’t even touched by him - he pulled her bag. Let’s hope she learnt how to behave as a result. YABVU.

if you were so keen on intervening, perhaps you should have told her not to queue jump

Which she was attached to so he did touch her and unnecessarily. Again, he could have used his words and doubtful he would have did that to anyone his own size, age, or gender.

There’s also no rule I’ve ever heard that if someone is under the shelter they were there first. Unless, I missed it, OP didn’t say he was there first, only that he was under the shelter.

Which she was attached to so he did touch her

He didn’t touch her. Touching a bag someone is wearing is not the same as touching them.

I don’t know about anyone else but I’m fucking sick to the back teeth of hearing the term woke! It’s so overused!! I know it’s not the point but it’s the new ‘snowflake’ both pathetic terms that have lost all original meaning anyway.

And your take on the frankly quite rude and disrespectful behaviour of the girl? Of course you obviously spoke to her about pushing in as well...

Still unnecessary actions for something so small.

He’ll likely do that to the wrong person and get the shock of his life.

I think a lot of the people who don't see the need for bus queues must live in London where it's not that much of a problem if you can't get on the first one that turns up because there will be another in a few minutes. If you can't get on a bus where I am you can face a 20 minute wait for the next one. If I've been waiting 20 minutes and a cheeky bastard waltzes on before me I'll be steaming. However I would never manhandle them out of the way!

Yes, agree.

Also, I'm all for queueing, I don't skip queues, but......it's not against the law. It's just bad manners. You can't just grab somebody for bad manners.

As pp said, she's a teenager, she was self absorbed, that's all it was.

He was absolutely in the wrong.

I can't imagine any of the men in my family doing this. Definitely not ok.

And yes, he clearly wouldn't have done it to an older male.

You were right to tell him he was out of order.

Yes - on the rare occasions I go to London, it always makes me feel amazingly fortunate when I see signs saying the next bus/tube train is in 3 minutes!

She was wrong. He was wrong. It was none of your business and you shouldn't have stuck your oar in. And I refuse to vote on a rigged set of questions aimed to vote you a superhero. You aren't.

Yes it absolutely is, especially when pulled back at force. If he had caused her serious harm the law most certainly would disagree with you.

Absolutely no evidence she did queue jump. As others have said I often stand outside the shelter when I’m there first and if anyone did that to me they would soon regret it.

I never once said it was ok for anyone to manhandle the lass.

@MrsMarzetti

I never once said it was ok for anyone to manhandle the lass.

Well... your entire post is railing against the behaviour of teenagers and suggesting that teenagers queue jumping is one of the reasons for the decline of civilization. You make literally no mention of the fact that an adult man took it upon himself to physically grab a young woman. It's very clear from your post which you consider the most serious of these two misdemeanours.

What other conclusion did you expect people to draw?

Absolutely

and even if she had been rude and queue jumped, no matter whether it was on purpose or she just didn’t think or any other reason, the man should not have pulled on her backpack

he could have hurt her or damaged the bag

as an adult he should be able to say ‘there is a queue’ i am sure most of us have either said it or heard it said in a similar situation

I see my comment hit home too hard for some on here.

Utterly pathetic.

Same, but don't dare call them out on it.
Someone will get all delicate over your comment and get it deleted.
Like 'grown ups' 🙄🥱

Your comment contained aggressively worded generalisations about older people. If you'd confined yourself to commenting on the people and situation in the OP, you wouldn't have offended other posters. I didn't report your comment, but I'm glad it was removed.

He shouldn’t have touched her, a 60 year old bloke pulling back a female teen is not on. He should have spoke to her instead.

Why did the older people need to get on first?

A teen jumping the queue is such a small thing in comparison to a large mature man using his strength to pull a girl back. What a knob he is, his behaviour was not proportionate or appropriate

This. And there was no need for you to get involved.

I totally understand that he should NEVER have put his hand on the girls back pack, an excuse me etc etc would have been better.

You say if you hadn't of involved yourself he wouldn't have reflected on it, rightly so.
But it's a scenario where had the girl not jumped the queue, knowing she was going to and not by mistake he wouldn't have had to stop her.

During your conversation with her did you also tell her it was a bit disrespectful to push infront of anyone irrespective of age that were in a queue before you?
Did she reflect on her behaviour or leave the bus continuing to think that as someone had argued her corner she's correct and will therefore continue to queue jump.

Sounds like they both needed to be reminded that their actions were out of order.

My favourite is the Blackheath station bus stops, one on either side of the road going in opposite directions. Only one side queues, it's utterly bizarre. Who made that rule 😂