Got called "woke" for standing up for a teenage girl on the bus

[Bdaybdilemma]

Was on my way home from town. The bus arrived and a teenage girl who had been stood next to the shelter climbed aboard ahead of the older people in the shelter, skipping the queue. A man (maybe 60 but tall and big build) standing behind her beside the shelter, pulled her backwards using the handle of her backpack, forcefully enough that it pulled her whole body backwards. She didn't say anything to him, kind of awkwardly smiled.

I didn't say anything at the time as I was trying to establish whether she knew him. He then sat at the front of the bus talking to the women she'd attempted to push in front of, and the girl went to sit at the back. I had a chat with her, she was quite shy and told me she didn't know him and she was just on her way home from college.

Just before my stop I approached him and told him quietly I'd seen him grab the backpack of the young woman to pull her backwards and it wasn't ok. He said she'd tried to cut the queue and it was just a little tug.

The two women who he was talking to then starting saying it was disrespectful (not sure if they meant the line cutting or me confronting him) and "oh are you woke". I said regardless of what you think of someone's behaviour it's unacceptable to touch them, and if he had grabbed the backpack of an older person, would that be respectful?

YABU - he was right to grab her
YANBU - he shouldn't have grabbed her

I’m not surprised at all. Half the site have had their brains removed when it comes to the behaviour of men.

Yes the man was wrong but hopefully the girl might think twice before jumping the queue again.

People always used to form a proper queue for buses (and still do where I live) and it annoys me that in some places there is no queue and people stroll up as the bus arrives and step on first. Rude and ignorant

"My local bus stop services 7 lines. You have no idea who is queuing for which bus. The bus arrives and if you want to board, you step forwards."

Yes, this is common in cities. Maybe that's what the teenager was used to or in a world of her own, like teenagers are.
Just a verbal queue etiquette reminder would have been sufficient rather than an over the top aggressive reaction.

He shouldn’t have yanked her backpack but she was really behaving ignorantly and probably deserved an earful.

Anyway, well done op. We need more people with decency in society. Too much petty anger all around.

OP thank you for saying something. Disgusting behaviour - I have noticed some (not all) older people are so bloody entitled on buses and trains it's shocking!

How dare he put his hands on her or anyone like that! I'm fuming just thinking about this...

Also there is no bus queuing in many countries I have visited. Mostly you just force your way on. Everything is so steeped in tradition here. She’s hardly committed the crime of the century.

She didn’t need, but how far do we all pretend we haven’t seen stuff that’s not ok ? Where do we draw the line?

I just can't get fussed about it.

She was rude and ignorant, he could've dealt with it better.

Mountain/molehill.

Fingers crossed the disgusting old man gets dragged down by someone much bigger than him when he forgets the totally arbitrary and made up bus queuing rules.

I’m glad you called out an obnoxious prick like him, OP. Regardless of what the girl did regarding the queue jumping, he doesn’t have the god given right to man handle her just because of who she is and who he is.

People like him only physically assault people who they aren’t scared of. So had no qualms about throwing a young girl like her about. I highly doubt he would have assaulted a fully grown man and yanked his bag. 🤔 (I think he would have done it to a teenage boy too depending on how the boy looked) Definitely some deeply ingrained ageist/sexist bullshit going on making him feel entitled to assault random people.

Struggling what this has to do with anything, assuming this happened in the UK?

I'm sure there are plenty of posters over the age of 40 on this thread who haven't endorsed this man's behaviour and wouldn't advocate using physical force to teenagers. Don't be so ridiculous.

Manners, you say? So the girl is allowed to have no manners and push in, and that’s feminism, but the man has to have manners and not touch her bag (like it’s made of moth wing or something?) Please explain to this elderly feminist how I’ve been doing feminism wrong for so long, I’d love to hear it.

Did she actually queue jump or, like my son, did she wait outside the shelter even though she was there earlier so the older people could either sit down or stay dry?

I've been at a queue where a kid has been ahead of me, waiting outside the shelter so not been seen by anyone and I've had a mouthful from an older person for letting them 'jump the queue' when, actually I've simply let them on first because they were there first. And yes, I did give them a mouthful back - respect works both ways and I told them to use their eyes next time rather than engaging mouth too quickly.

Either way you don't pull someone's property so much to the extent that their body is 'pulled backwards'.

And for those saying the girl complained. She didn't. She quietly went to the back of the bus.

We do in general have societal expectations of queuing in this country. What happens in other countries isn't relevant.

@ilovesooty

I'm sure there are plenty of posters over the age of 40 on this thread who haven't endorsed this man's behaviour and wouldn't advocate using physical force to teenagers. Don't be so ridiculous.

It was a joke. A terrible one but surely fairly obvious that I wasn't serious?

I thought it was a brilliant joke, for what it’s worth 😅

There may not be bus queuing in other countries but there is in many places here. At one time people would always queue.

It's rude not to queue especially in a busy city. You can be first at the bus stop but then can't get on because of others pushing in and the bus being full.

So many people with no manners and no decency

He shouldn't have grabbed her, but why were you upset at being called woke. Isn't that a compliment?

Given the appalling ageist comment from another poster upthread which has thankfully been deleted, I wasn't aware that it was intended to be a joke.

I'd not be happy with that either and would have spoken up too. As an aside, anyone grabbing and pulling me from behind would have been punched in the throat and had their face clawed at before I even knew I'd moved. I was sexually assaulted once and being grabbed like that would have triggered an all out panicked fight response. You don't just grab people like that and if you do, don't complain if you get hurt.

I think should the tables be turned and a young woman grabbed the backpack of an elderly gentleman who ‘pushed the queue’ the whole of the bus would be up in arms.

If anyone dragged my daughter like that I would sit at that bus stop every single day until I got to drag the vile old man myself.

Maybe she’ll think twice before she jumps the queue? Grabbing someone’s bag is NOT grabbing the person BTW.

As a Mum of three girls, thank you for looking out for this girl, if we could all be like you OP the world would be a lot better and these neanderthals would be held accountable.