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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel a bit sad about leaving gift?

315 replies

sgtz · 17/11/2023 07:05

Aware I sound totally entitled, but I left my job last week and I’m a bit sad/disappointed with my leaving gift. Team of 10 and we usually put £10 in for collections. I got some chocolates and a card with a generic ‘best of luck from everyone at xyz’. The last person who left (wasn’t even really leaving, just rotating to a different team) got a card signed by everyone, a meal voucher, flowers, and everyone met up on their last day for lunch. No one even bothered to come to see me on my last day because they were ‘too busy’ so we had a virtual teams goodbye. I just feel quite sad at the lack of effort and started to feel like maybe I wasn’t liked very much. I’m going to their Christmas meal in a few weeks and wishing I wasn’t now as it just feels awkward but it’s all paid for…

AIBU? To clarify, I am grateful for what I got. I’m more sad about the fact that they didn’t even sign my card, it looks like a last minute ‘shit, sgtz is leaving - someone get them something’ even though they had 3 months notice…

OP posts:
Theimpossiblegirl · 17/11/2023 07:06

That would leave me feeling sad too. Yes, money is tight, but the card could have been done better.

Don't bother visiting them.

Muchof · 17/11/2023 07:07

I wouldn’t bother with the Christmas party, just move on and put this miserable lot behind you.

Mercurial123 · 17/11/2023 07:09

Honestly, it wouldn't bother me unless you were close friends with the people you work with?

IfYouDontAsk · 17/11/2023 07:10

I definitely wouldn’t bother with the Christmas party and I’d have felt sad too at the lack of effort. It’s not about the cost of the gift is it, as people might be tightening their belts before Christmas, but it wouldn’t have taken much to individually sign the card. Im sure that it’s an oversight rather than people not liking you so, although it’s easier said than done, try not to take it personally.

AppropriateAdult · 17/11/2023 07:10

That's upsetting, I would be bothered by it too. However, it's far more likely to be a reflection of whoever 'organised' this slightly pathetic attempt at a leaving gift than of the esteem in which they held you. IME there's usually one person in an office setting who tends to take charge of this sort of thing and do it well, and if they happen to not be available at the time than it may fall to somebody who does a half-assed job instead.

flutterby1 · 17/11/2023 07:10

If you've paid for the Xmas meal just go and tolerate them and eat the meal then say you've got a headache and will have to go, and leave them far behind forever and hope the next place you work appreciates you x

Some will say don't go but if you've paid I'd go, as I like food 😂 all the whilecthinking after this i hopefully won't see you again !

MyCircumference · 17/11/2023 07:11

how long did you work there?

Original poster
sgtz · 17/11/2023 07:11

@Mercurial123 its a small team and I did feel very close with them, chat outside work etc, which is why I feel a bit more disappointed.

I’ve paid £50 in advance for the meal that’s non-refundable so I’ll be going, but I think I’ll just drive, not drink and make a sharp exit after I’ve eaten.

OP posts:
Original poster
sgtz · 17/11/2023 07:12

@MyCircumference just over 2 years.

OP posts:
Zanatdy · 17/11/2023 07:12

That’s just awful. Yes money might be tight but feels very unfair given others got a lot more. Perhaps your manager is not good at organising a collection, but if that was me and I realised I’d forgotten I’d just buy the gifts myself

Mary46 · 17/11/2023 07:12

I be hurt too op people can be very lax. Just move on from them now but not nice.

MyCircumference · 17/11/2023 07:13

oh 2 years, that is bad organization i expect

flutterby1 · 17/11/2023 07:13

sgtz · 17/11/2023 07:11

@Mercurial123 its a small team and I did feel very close with them, chat outside work etc, which is why I feel a bit more disappointed.

I’ve paid £50 in advance for the meal that’s non-refundable so I’ll be going, but I think I’ll just drive, not drink and make a sharp exit after I’ve eaten.

Yep, that's what I'd do. It's funny you think you have a bond with people but they turn out to be just work associates and nothing more, something I've learnt in the past. X

SweetFemaleAttitude · 17/11/2023 07:14

I would rather lose the £50 than go for the meal tbh.

Allwelcone · 17/11/2023 07:20

Wow op thats weird. I woupdnt go to the meal unless you want to for more positive reasons other than just the food and cost.

Dacadactyl · 17/11/2023 07:22

I'd be put out too!

Who normally organises stuff like this though? Is it you? If so perhaps it was an "oh ahit" last minute moment

Snoopsnoggysnog · 17/11/2023 07:25

It’s a thoughtless but I wouldn’t dwell on it too much - you weren’t there for a lifetime and they aren’t your lifelong friends. and I would write off the £50.

Saverage · 17/11/2023 07:26

I wouldn't go to the meal, especially if you don't think you will continue being friends with any of them.

The card and gift is disappointing, I'd be upset too. If it was not long since the last gift though people may have not been keen to give £10 each again (which seems a lot) so close to xmas.

Also as PP said the person who usually arranges the gift may have been really busy or not available. I am the person who does it at my work (not by choice). It's time consuming and sometimes ends up slightly slap-dash as I have actual work to do, it's not personal about the recipient.

dullandgrey · 17/11/2023 07:26

Yeah it's crap. I've recently gone on maternity leave and no one bothered getting me anything lol. The last lady who went off on maternity leave was given individual gifts by every member of staff, which is how the company organised it that they everyone was to get individual gifts for her. So she had about 20 gift bags to take home.. kind of stings but oh well!

sollenwir · 17/11/2023 07:27

The nicest leaving gifts I got were when I left sonewhere after 6 years - we went out for a meal and I was shocked with the lovely gifts I received. That job helped me realise that I was valued and liked, and it was also the job where I helped others and was myself helped the most. I've had nothing from other jobs though. There's possibly a whole host of reasons why they didn't get you anything more, but I'm not sure you'll ever find out why. I'd forget about the meal and chalk the 50 pounds down to 'losing money, saving mental well being'!

Holidayhell22 · 17/11/2023 07:27

Has the person who normally organised leaving gifts left?
Maybe it’s fallen to someone who isn’t very good at this sort of thing although that’s no excuse.

TheChosenTwo · 17/11/2023 07:27

You’ve already paid the £50, it’s gone now. I like food too but I’ve got more self respect than that being the motivating factor of going to a party/meal where no one liked me enough to make an effort to do anything nice with me when I left. I’d rather eat my dinner alone tbh!
I wouldn’t be going to the meal, I’d just bow out quietly. The lack of effort for you when got compared to the last person says a lot.
They are colleagues. Keep it professional and polite until you leave and that would be it from me.

MotherOfCrocodiles · 17/11/2023 07:28

Dacadactyl · 17/11/2023 07:22

I'd be put out too!

Who normally organises stuff like this though? Is it you? If so perhaps it was an "oh ahit" last minute moment

This. Whoever normally does the cards didn't know or wasn't available. No one else stepped up.

Hankunamatata · 17/11/2023 07:28

How long had the other person worked there?

Rjahdhdvd · 17/11/2023 07:28

I’d rather lose the money on the meal than sit awkwardly.