To feel a bit sad about leaving gift?

[sgtz]

Aware I sound totally entitled, but I left my job last week and I’m a bit sad/disappointed with my leaving gift. Team of 10 and we usually put £10 in for collections. I got some chocolates and a card with a generic ‘best of luck from everyone at xyz’. The last person who left (wasn’t even really leaving, just rotating to a different team) got a card signed by everyone, a meal voucher, flowers, and everyone met up on their last day for lunch. No one even bothered to come to see me on my last day because they were ‘too busy’ so we had a virtual teams goodbye. I just feel quite sad at the lack of effort and started to feel like maybe I wasn’t liked very much. I’m going to their Christmas meal in a few weeks and wishing I wasn’t now as it just feels awkward but it’s all paid for…

AIBU? To clarify, I am grateful for what I got. I’m more sad about the fact that they didn’t even sign my card, it looks like a last minute ‘shit, sgtz is leaving - someone get them something’ even though they had 3 months notice…

I've had similar and was actually gutted. Was made redundant from a large company where i knew everybody in our office of 100 people and had been there 7 years. Found out in March and finished end of May, wasn't a secret so could talk about it. It wasn't a mass redundancy either only one other person lost their job.
It was 2020 and covid had just hit so the last 4 weeks of my job were working from home.
No card or gift of any kind and not even a message or email to wish me luck. Not even from my direct boss.
I'd made huge efforts to leave detailed notes of everything and finish things up appropriately as a handover to my boss too.
I had honestly made an impact on everybodies working lives there and was gutted I was just forgotten

Under the circumstances you describe I wouldn't go for the meal and would rather lose the £50. Sounds like you have done something to annoy them. Might be the fact that you refused to contribute to the drink collection. Why would you even want to go to the meal feeling the way you do.

It makes more sense to me that people would make a fuss of someone switching teams and staying at the company rather than someone leaving.

I personally don't think people deserve a 'leaving' gift - you're disrupting the team and going off to likely earn more money at a better company - so why am I giving you a gift?! (I will add that I contradict this for very special people I'm friends with but not just people I 'get on with' at work)

They're probably not counting on seeing you again (after the meal).

Yep, the £50 is gone and Sod's Law means the meal will be bad for some reason. The meat will be dry or the vegetables gloopy.

Same.

I like this! And don't pay the £25 into the drinks kitty money

Jokes aside, I'm teetotal too so I know you can't.

I personally don't think people deserve a 'leaving' gift - you're disrupting the team and going off to likely earn more money at a better company - so why am I giving you a gift?!

Because you've all worked together, sometimes for years
Because you've all been part of a team
Because this person might be a friend
Because you're just a nice person who wants to say thank you for your effort and your work
Because you want to give that person something to remember you by

Don't sweat it, OP. I had a miserable leaving gift when I left - it just reinforced what unkind people I was working with and that I was right to leave (the gift went to the charity shop). I wouldn't bother with the dinner, either.

It can be very confusing. I worked in one team for 2 yrs, got on well with everyone so I thought. Genuinely lovely manager. I left and got feck all! Literally just bye like it was a normal day. Another time worked in a small team (6 of us total). The other 5 were so cliquey. Left me out of everything. Because of that I left after 3 months, got a card and a gift from them! So I conclude there is no rhyme or reason to these things.

My last day after being made redundant after 12 years and knowing everyone in the company. One person said goodbye as I passed their desk. One.

Sounds as if you are well rid of that lot. I would definitely not to the Christmas party whatever. Cancel it say that you have had a better offer from people that you like!

@getofftheplane - charming! so no wishing the person well then or acknowledging their contribution to the team.

sounds it’s not just the gift giving you’re against, you’re probably one who wouldn’t even bother to sign the flipping card.

I have had my first response delated so I will rephrase it in less robust language.

I think you are being unreasonable to be bothered about the value of your leaving gift from a firm where you have only worked for two years.

Not everyone puts a lot of significance into such public tokens, cards and gifts. People shove lots of colleague leaving / wedding / baby / birthday cards in front of me for my signature and I can't say I give them a great deal of thought. The care I put in to each message - or the monetary value of any donation I give - has very little to do with what the person means to me, and much more about how busy I am or what change I have on me at the time.

I get on fine with my colleagues. Some I would consider friends. I probably wouldn't I keep in touch with most of them if I left where I worked. I wouldn't think that the quality of my leaving gift would have much to do with the quality of me!

I left a job after 12 years a few months ago and just got a bunch of tulips and an Amazon card with some money on - no thought had gone into it whatsoever and I had seen others leave over the years and get lovely thoughtful gifts.
I thought I was really popular there but maybe not 😂

My only consolation was a friend left on the same day and got exactly the same send off. Maybe people were just feeling tired that month of leaving dos because quite a few of us left over a period of a few months.

It was probably just unfortunate timing @sgtz rather than anything personal.

I'd consider the meal deposit a sunk cost and skip it. Better to just move on IMO. Not out of pettiness, just that it seems a bit awkward to attend when you no longer work there.

I think ultimately, if any of them thought the gift or card was inadequate they could have just gone and got their own small gesture, I don't think there's much point going around the houses looking for reasons why it did or didn't happen.

I always take the attitude that 'work friends' are just that really so this wouldn't be something I'd linger on or be resentful of if you enjoyed those relationships while you were there and are moving on to better things professionally then it's no great shakes, even if it does feel hurtful in the moment, which is only natural.

I’ve long since given up with collections and leaving do’s, OP, and it is nothing personal to the person leaving.

Over the years (15) at my job, we’ve had collection after collection for every mat leaver… not one has ever thanked the team and collections have been £100+ each time! We’ve had lovely baby showers and still no thank yous …So I’m done with all that!

Likewise with leavers, had a ‘do’ for them, prezzies, night out etc… then 6 months later they come back… then leave again😱 several have moaned at lack of second leaving party and collection!

Maybe your leaving came too soon after the other persons? Money is tight and Xmas is round the corner, perhaps it was that?

I certainly would not go for Xmas meal with them… write it off and find something great to do instead.

I think it's all about the person organising it too. I remember some lad I barely knew leaving work and his mates went all out to give him the biggest send off and did collections from people who didn't know who he was. Everyone was annoyed with them to be honest and someone lovely could have left quietly and you'd not have noticed. It's not necessarily a reflection on you at all so try not to feel bad about it. Have a think about the Christmas party and the people who are going to be there. If they are people you enjoy spending time with go, and if not don't bother. People do move on very quickly though, that's just life.

Some people are just disorganised and/or aholes I think. I've always had lovely thoughtful leaving gifts and cards when leaving jobs before, but my most recent one I'd worked in for multiple years I got nothing at all, not even a card. Luckily I'm not too fussed about these things so I found it a bit rude rather than really upsetting.

My old boss also retired from our employer she'd been working for for 51 years (?!) and didn't get so much as a thank you from seniors despite it usually being the case that if you've worked there more than 10 years and retire you get a letter and a nice gift. When I queried it, it turned out someone had to 'apply' for the letter, yet no one in HR had told anyone they had to do that. Why don't HR do it as part of the retirement process?! Bureaucracy, sigh.

This is a good idea.

I work for a company with about 200 employees and a fair bit of staff turnover and I've noticed there's quite a lot of disparity in how leaving collections turn out. I think it depends to a degree on how popular a person is and how well they are known, but also how motivated the person organising the collection is; what time of month the collection is launched (just after pay day vs middle of the month); time of year the collection is launched (Nov, Dec not great timing, Jan even worse!); how many collections are on the go at once (if your collection was launched when two or three others were on the go it may just be that people have run out of cash). I've seen various collections for people who seemed to be popular and who had long service be surprisingly low, and there's only so much the organiser can afford to do to top it up with their own funds! When I left my last job I'd been there for ten years and I got a decent amount in my collection, but hardly anyone turned up at my leaving do which made me a bit sad, but life moves on. I wouldn't take it personally and try not to let it get you down. Go along to the Christmas night, have fun and if anyone asks about the kitty just tell them you're expecting to be bought your drinks because it's your leaving night after all 😂

@AppropriateAdult - I agree with you!

try not to take it personally. I’m another one who reckons that the person who usually organises leaving gifts/ cards wasn’t around to do yours and someone else made a half arsed effort.

or everyone forgot and quickly scrambled to get some chocolates - have seen this happen in different teams over the years. It’s rarely a reflection of the person leaving.

I am sorry your work colleagues have behaved so gracelessly OP. I understand how you feel, the lack of a small validation for the time you spent with your colleagues at your shared workplace.

I have posted about this on other similar threads, I am over it now by a long chalk but at the time it really stung and I was deeply hurt.

I worked somewhere for seventeen years, for many of those years with the same group of people. I had given lifts, helped others out with work related things they were having trouble with, gave advice when asked for it, signed hundreds of birthday, leaving, baby cards, put money into collections, gone to Christmas parties, birthday parties. Basically I was a team player and was known as a go to person for help and support. I loved my job and enjoyed the social aspects of it. I was invited to everything and went to most things.

Then I was ill and took early retirement. I didn’t even get a leaving card let alone a leaving gift. I must have signed about a hundred leaving cards over the years and put into collections but not a thing. I was very sad about it. I contacted my manager after a few months and was told it was in the pipeline but it has never come. I have been invited to events at my old workplace since I left but I will not go back in the building after being treated so shabbily.

It says everything about them and nothing about me. I think I was too nice, too helpful etc so no one thought of me, I was just good old XXXX, always ready to help.

I wouldn't take that as a personal slight. It was probably someones 'job' to do the card and collection and they failed to or moved teams - and an HR manager didn't have their eye on it. Interpret it as a system failure - rather than it being personal. Look to get what you can going forward. Brave face, do the dinner and keep good business connections. Those connections may be useful going forward.

I did maternity cover for a year and I got a personalised signed card, £100 in cash, and bits and bobs from team members themselves such as some Molton Brown stuff and a flamingo umbrella. I didn't even leave the organisation I went to a different department.

They're mean tightarses aren't they?

I know how you feel. I left my job last Friday. Previous person who resigned got a farewell meal presents flowers vouchers. As we worked closely I gave her chocolates 🤣 she was back following month on more money did wonder as she never left the work whatsapp group.
I left got a small bunch of flowers and 4.99 bottle of prosecco never drink prosseco. Oh and some free chocolate they got at a conversation or something in a bag. No meal just ate the cakes I had brought in as I knew no meal was booked.

Edit Oh my flowers prosecco was bought on company CC