Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel a bit sad about leaving gift?

315 replies

sgtz · 17/11/2023 07:05

Aware I sound totally entitled, but I left my job last week and I’m a bit sad/disappointed with my leaving gift. Team of 10 and we usually put £10 in for collections. I got some chocolates and a card with a generic ‘best of luck from everyone at xyz’. The last person who left (wasn’t even really leaving, just rotating to a different team) got a card signed by everyone, a meal voucher, flowers, and everyone met up on their last day for lunch. No one even bothered to come to see me on my last day because they were ‘too busy’ so we had a virtual teams goodbye. I just feel quite sad at the lack of effort and started to feel like maybe I wasn’t liked very much. I’m going to their Christmas meal in a few weeks and wishing I wasn’t now as it just feels awkward but it’s all paid for…

AIBU? To clarify, I am grateful for what I got. I’m more sad about the fact that they didn’t even sign my card, it looks like a last minute ‘shit, sgtz is leaving - someone get them something’ even though they had 3 months notice…

OP posts:
MitchellMummy · 17/11/2023 08:51

I wouldn't go to the meal. But don't tell them - just don't turn up. As others have said, often due to the organisers of such things.

Onewildandpreciouslife · 17/11/2023 08:53

“Every time the meal is mentioned, I’m reminded that I’m due £25 for the drink kitty even though I’ve said multiple times that I won’t be drinking”

Any chance this might be the issue?

But I’d be upset in your shoes too. Best to move on, I think

KimberleyClark · 17/11/2023 08:54

I get you. I retired 4 years ago and gifts of a total value of £50, £30 of which was an M & S voucher. I didn’t think it was much to show for 15 years of service. Ironically it was part of my job to organise valedictory letters from the CEO for retiring staff and I didn’t get one. Were they really expecting me to organise my own valedictory letter?

Original poster
sgtz · 17/11/2023 08:55

I hadn’t said I wasn’t contributing to the kitty before I left. Also, it was £25 each in the kitty! I won’t be drinking and no way will I spend £25 on soft drinks.

@Chellybelle I’m a single parent, tbh I was really looking forward to the meal as it’s one of my favourite restaurants and I don’t really get out often. 🤣 I do still consider myself quite close to at least a few of the team, and they said they still wanted me to come.

OP posts:
Original poster
sgtz · 17/11/2023 08:56

@Onewildandpreciouslife i should have been more clear, the reminder wasn’t that the money for the kitty is overdue. It’s to be paid on the day, but for some reason I’ve been reminded to pay it on the day about 4 times.

OP posts:
Wavessea · 17/11/2023 08:57

For those moaning about maternity gifts I find this so entitled!
you’ve chosen to have a kid, it is your life choice and you’re not a friend so why do I need to celebrate it with you and give you money for conceiving 🙄
the amount of money I’ve had to spend on colleagues who are leaving for a years mat leave is ridiculous
the mindset is insane and so entitled

RuthW · 17/11/2023 08:57

I agree the card isn't good, but we wouldn't do a collection for someone who has only been there two years, it would just be a bunch of flowers.

Original poster
sgtz · 17/11/2023 08:58

@RuthW fair, but we did a collection for someone who had been there for 6 months!

OP posts:
Wavessea · 17/11/2023 08:58

And the two years isn’t a long time
I honestly have no idea what the fuss is about and why you would be so passive aggressive and not go for a meal.
colleagues are not beholden to your pregnancies or deciding to leave a company

Slitheringheights · 17/11/2023 08:59

I have been off work since august with cancer, I’m ok, everything was removed. I haven’t even received so much of a get well message or flowers. Apart from my closest friend. I’ll never put into a collection again. Been there 7 years.

Bomkers · 17/11/2023 08:59

Wavessea · 17/11/2023 08:57

For those moaning about maternity gifts I find this so entitled!
you’ve chosen to have a kid, it is your life choice and you’re not a friend so why do I need to celebrate it with you and give you money for conceiving 🙄
the amount of money I’ve had to spend on colleagues who are leaving for a years mat leave is ridiculous
the mindset is insane and so entitled

I totally agree I chose to have my child and personally I wasn’t moaning about my lack of gift but more the huge disparity. I don’t care I didn’t get anything but a goodbye would have been nice? It just seemed so mean to completely ignore me but literally throw parties for someone else 🤷🏼‍♀️

Namerequired · 17/11/2023 09:00

It could be the fact they are seeing you in a couple of weeks at the meal is why they didn’t do the whole goodbye thing.
The card is just wrong though.

Original poster
sgtz · 17/11/2023 09:00

@Wavessea its not about how long I’ve been there or expecting anything, it’s more the disparity between gifts for other colleagues and the lack of effort in even signing a card… it’s making me wonder if it’s personal. I’m going to the meal anyway!

OP posts:
AtrociousCircumstance · 17/11/2023 09:00

OP is there anyone you feel close enough to to talk to them about this? You have every right to.

Original poster
sgtz · 17/11/2023 09:00

@Slitheringheights thats awful, I’m sorry. :(

OP posts:
OutwiththeOutCrowd · 17/11/2023 09:01

Just take the path that leaves you feeling the most empowered, whether that's going or not going.

If I think back to the leaving do I had that none of my group turned up for - apart from an innocent newbie who didn't realise I had been shunned - my toes curl with the cringe of it but I also have a little chuckle at the dire awfulness of the situation as well.

I hope you can get to that point too!

Wavessea · 17/11/2023 09:01

Sorry to say but maybe other colleagues are liked more.

Original poster
sgtz · 17/11/2023 09:01

@AtrociousCircumstance i was thinking this. I’m very close to who I think organised it, or usually organises these things. I was going to message her and say I was a little disappointed that no one signed the card and see what she says… I don’t want to make things awkward though.

OP posts:
TheOGCCL · 17/11/2023 09:02

Ime people get wrapped up in their own lives and work, especially post pandemic, and time creeps up on them and suddenly they’ve left doing something properly until it’s too late. Some people’s perception of time is really odd. In the hybrid world there’s also less personal responsibility, people don’t feel as attached, they always know there’s a back up (well we’ll just have a Teams meeting) so you get a situation where everybody thinks someone else is going to do stuff and then no one does. Maybe it’s been a particularly busy period? It’s still a poor show but I see it all the time.

I left a job after 11 years in 2011 and just got a card. I think that was actually because they knew me and that I don’t like big fusses. I’m still friends with people in that team, the card was irrelevant. I think ultimately if you’re not friends, ie your relationship exists outside work as well and has the potential to continue after both have you have left, then it becomes a bit of a moot point because as pp said if it’s just work colleagues people forget and move on very quickly, no reflection on you.

Nannyfannybanny · 17/11/2023 09:03

I agree with other posts. I wouldn't bother with the meal. I retired after 20 years on one ward, the ward manager and some of the senior nurses who I had worked full time nights with for many of those years, didn't even sign my card. The last night and handover,ward manager didn't even say goodbye,good luck, nothing. I think a lot of it was I wasn't interested in last meal/drinks. I had a commute by road of over 50 miles each way. They expected I would plan something near "work", in the end I said "ok,then,drinks in my nearest town,55 miles away, from them. A lot of us were friends out of work, but we always went to places near them

Iwantmyoldnameback · 17/11/2023 09:04

I wonder if everyone was genuinely busy the day you left and something is planned for the Christmas party. I genuinely hope so anyway.

2chocolateoranges · 17/11/2023 09:04

Know the feeling. I left my work place where I had worked for 15 years and got feck all from the staff! All because I stood up to the bully and her side kick before I left .

I did get a lovely gifts from the boss, the customers, the chef and also 2 work colleagues who bought something between them as they felt so bad about the whole situation but nothing from the staff team.

bizarrely the next girl who just did as the bully said got a farewell on Facebook and lots of gifts too!

however I did hear that most of the staff have left and it’s just bully a new boss and lots of new staff. Says it all really.

icelollycraving · 17/11/2023 09:05

Omg don’t mention it @sgtz

Motnight · 17/11/2023 09:05

sgtz · 17/11/2023 09:01

@AtrociousCircumstance i was thinking this. I’m very close to who I think organised it, or usually organises these things. I was going to message her and say I was a little disappointed that no one signed the card and see what she says… I don’t want to make things awkward though.

Please don't do this. It won't make you feel any better.

MargotBamborough · 17/11/2023 09:05

I would feel sad about that too, OP.

But if it makes you feel any better, in my place of work the person who got the largest leaving collection I have ever seen is someone who was loathed by most of the team. I think they were all terrified of him and delighted that he was leaving in equal measure. Even I put 20€ in the pot because I was his closest colleague in a team of 3 and I didn't want it to look like I was snubbing his leaving gift because I hated his guts.

People are weird about things like this.