To feel a bit sad about leaving gift?

[sgtz]

Aware I sound totally entitled, but I left my job last week and I’m a bit sad/disappointed with my leaving gift. Team of 10 and we usually put £10 in for collections. I got some chocolates and a card with a generic ‘best of luck from everyone at xyz’. The last person who left (wasn’t even really leaving, just rotating to a different team) got a card signed by everyone, a meal voucher, flowers, and everyone met up on their last day for lunch. No one even bothered to come to see me on my last day because they were ‘too busy’ so we had a virtual teams goodbye. I just feel quite sad at the lack of effort and started to feel like maybe I wasn’t liked very much. I’m going to their Christmas meal in a few weeks and wishing I wasn’t now as it just feels awkward but it’s all paid for…

AIBU? To clarify, I am grateful for what I got. I’m more sad about the fact that they didn’t even sign my card, it looks like a last minute ‘shit, sgtz is leaving - someone get them something’ even though they had 3 months notice…

I did get a big gift card for my particular hobby and some very nice relevant presents, and nope,no one wanted to come 55 miles for a drink!

This is true I’m afraid. Maybe they didn’t like you as much as you thought? Maybe you misread them? Deffo keep away from the meal. Sod that. Move on x

@sgtz I think you can ask your closest person about it. Anyone would feel as you do. I don’t see the value in holding back.

Could you ask them about it? Or would that feel weird?

I definitely would go to Christmas do, just to see if anything else is produced there (give them all the opportunity to redeem themselves)

If not and no reasonable explanation, I'd make a point of NC going forward

If you can do this (as long as you’re prepared for an answer you might not like) I think you could come away feeling hugely empowered to have dealt with the issue, and you won’t spend a long time going over and over it in your head. What’s to lose, you’ll never see them again!

Definitely don't do this! There's no way that conversation could go that will help you feel better.

I also wouldn't go to the meal. As loads of other people have said, that £50 is gone now, whatever. You don't need to have an awkward, resentful meal as well. Sunk cost fallacy.

They are maybe anticipating that you will be at the Christmas party and they've organised for Santa to jump out of a big cake and hand you a bouquet of roses and some fancy gifts ... Meanwhile they are playing it cool.

But if not, here, have these from me

Please think before posting such ridiculous sweeping generalisations- there are people who have lost work colleagues

Take the card to the meal and say nicely that you are sorry they didn't have time to do it but you would love them to sign now as a memento.

Maybe as you are going to the Christmas meal they thought no need for a leaving meal as well.

Wild horses couldn't drag me to that meal. Fuck the £50

Offices can be funny places. Mine is huge but I'm only really friends with 3 of them - go out for meals/drinks etc. I never go to the xmas do, it's painful and you end up sitting next to someone you've nothing in common with.

My DD (early 20s), recently joined an office and they were awful to her, barely spoke, all went out for lunch without her. She's left now thankfully.

Think of that (spent) £50 as the price of your dignity. Clearly no thought or interest went into your leaving gift. Please don't go along to a meal where you have been treated with such a lack of care, you will feel uncomfortable. Is it really worth it for a bit of food?

If anyone asks just say you something else has cropped up and you won't make it.

As for those saying colleagues are not friends etc, that is absolutely not true. My 2 best friends are women I have met at work (in different jobs), one of whom has been a great friend for 30 years, the other for around a decade. Work can be a great place to meet real friends.

It is probably true though. I like my team and have good banter while at work but do I care about them outside of work? No. Some of my office I don't even know who they are so I certainly wouldn't contribute to a leaving gift or maternity collection.

I'm not surprised you're a bit sad about it. I'm with all the other people who've said not to go to the meal. The £50 is spent - save yourself the travel cost and awkwardness (not just about their lack of effort on your leaving but also about the kitty money).

Makes you wonder if they are subbing someone else meal . Surely people buy their own drinks ? No I would not be putting this £25 in .

Please don't do this 😶‍🌫️

I am not referring to buying gifts - I am talking about reactions when a colleague dies.

This is the sort of reason why I’d never want to work in an office again. We had similar - collections for birthdays, weddings etc. When I left I got nothing - why? Oh because I exposed just how much of a bitch our team manager was to HR in that not only was I overlooked for promotions, but the external people they hired each one left after a few short months for better job offers, apparently my length of service and the fact I was actually already doing the promotion level work already meant nothing. But my entire team completely ignoring the fact I was leaving was really shit - clearly manager had put a block to that too.

I have NC with most of them - and the ones I do have contact with are the ones who also left very shortly after I did, for very similar reasons too.

Don’t go to the meal OP - they aren’t your friends.

If it's a restaurant that you like-would they let you use the£50 some other time?

Agree offices can be strange. Our brother law got nothing after 20 yrs when he moved job! That was mean. Its hurtful though op.

Go to the Christmas meal, get royally pissed and tell them all they're a bunch of cunts.

Actually I wouldn't go. I'd go out with real friends/DH or sit home with a nice take away and TV.

I’d only go to the meal if I really wanted to, and I’d probably make sure I git the impression across that my new job is a much better organisation.

But Christmas parties are often quite sad affairs under all the alcohol, if you’ve left I think it might seem quite bleak (and will you meet your successor).

They’ve accidentally snubbed you badly, perhaps only associate with them if there’s a potential career advantage for you doing so.

I’m wondering how old you are, sometimes in a young office the ageism can be terrible.

💐💐

That’s rubbish, you poor thing.

A long time ago when I got married, I taught in a school where it was customary to do a whole-school (optional) collection/card whenever anyone got married, organised by whichever department you worked in. Big staff, always some who did/didn’t donate etc etc. but generally a nice presentation/gift.

I had a new head of department a few months before I got married. She arrived after we’d done our guest list and I had a working relationship with her so didn’t invite her to the wedding (we also had no evening do so it was either invited to the whole thing or nothing at all). She was so pissed off that I hadn’t invited her that she failed to organise anything and didn’t let the (in-her-pocket) second in dept do it either!

I had an inkling something was up as there was nothing for me hidden in the usual signing place 😂 and there was something for another girl
getting married at the same time. Luckily, some of my lovely friends went rogue and sorted something out albeit not a whole-school thing, and even more luckily I had food poisoning on the last day of term so didn’t end up at the end-of-year presentations to hear my boss not say anything nice or present anything to me 😂

It still makes me angry to be honest even though it was more than a decade ago - feelings of “how dare she” really, when I had, over the years before she arrived, donated to several wedding gifts etc. Some people are just incredibly rude/mean/selfish/petty - it’s not you OP!

I'd love to live in your head for a day 😂🤯