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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel a bit sad about leaving gift?

315 replies

sgtz · 17/11/2023 07:05

Aware I sound totally entitled, but I left my job last week and I’m a bit sad/disappointed with my leaving gift. Team of 10 and we usually put £10 in for collections. I got some chocolates and a card with a generic ‘best of luck from everyone at xyz’. The last person who left (wasn’t even really leaving, just rotating to a different team) got a card signed by everyone, a meal voucher, flowers, and everyone met up on their last day for lunch. No one even bothered to come to see me on my last day because they were ‘too busy’ so we had a virtual teams goodbye. I just feel quite sad at the lack of effort and started to feel like maybe I wasn’t liked very much. I’m going to their Christmas meal in a few weeks and wishing I wasn’t now as it just feels awkward but it’s all paid for…

AIBU? To clarify, I am grateful for what I got. I’m more sad about the fact that they didn’t even sign my card, it looks like a last minute ‘shit, sgtz is leaving - someone get them something’ even though they had 3 months notice…

OP posts:
Bedbynoon · 17/11/2023 07:31

I would write off the meal. Don’t go no explanation and cut contact with them all and move on.

honeylulu · 17/11/2023 07:32

Had the other people who left been there much longer?

I agree it sounds crap and down to who organised it. I've seen spectacular leaving dos/gifts and totally shite cobbled together last minute ones. These bore no correlation with how long serving or popular the person was. Often the card and collection was started and then some numpty (usually a male partner) left them in his drawer for two weeks and forgot to pass them on, then a last minute scramble to locate, complete, choose and buy ... now with hybrid working its easy to miss people too if time is limited. The last time this happened (I'm also a partner) I ended up shelling out nearly £100 of my own money to top up the collection and take the leaver out to lunch as she'd been there 14 years and would have been devastated by the paltry offering if I'd gone with the envelope contents that I'd tasked someone with circulating 2 weeks before. Some people are crap at organising/chasing.

It's very unlikely personal OP. Head up, enjoy the meal and look ahead to your new job.

HelloCiao · 17/11/2023 07:34

It really sucks doesn't it! I had something similar happen but it was when I went on maternity leave. Everyone who went before and after me had a gathering with cake, a signed card from everyone and a voucher. I got a box of chocolates and nothing else. I was so upset and embarrassed; not because I'm grabby but because it made me feel that there must be something wrong with me- especially as I had worked there 7 years! I think on reflection it was just I left at a bad time and so did you so don't take it to heart.

Original poster
sgtz · 17/11/2023 07:35

The person who normally organises these things was there, and is actually the person who I’m closest to so I am wondering if others didn’t contribute or contributed less. Still doesn’t excuse why they didn’t sign the card though…

OP posts:
Original poster
sgtz · 17/11/2023 07:37

@honeylulu the last person who ‘left’ had only been there for about 6 months as they rotate departments every 6 months, so they weren’t even properly leaving and they had so much more effort put in. 🤣

OP posts:
NeedToChangeName · 17/11/2023 07:44

I would be upset too, but I think sometimes it is just bad luck / timing / people are busy or distracted. It's not necessarily personal against you

shoeawsome · 17/11/2023 07:44

Are you sure they aren't going to do something at the Christmas meal?

That's probably when we would do something at work? A leaving speech , proper gift presentation?

Because it they all come & say goodbye when they know they will see you in a couple of weeks might be abit odd,

adomizo · 17/11/2023 07:45

Yes that sounds awful. Sorry. I agree no way would I go for Xmas dinner. Just one of those things, has happened to me too. Don't take it to heart and move on

Chipsahoyagain · 17/11/2023 07:46

SweetFemaleAttitude · 17/11/2023 07:14

I would rather lose the £50 than go for the meal tbh.

Same.

wesurecouldstandgladioli · 17/11/2023 07:49

I wouldn’t go to the meal. The £50 is lost anyway.I also wouldn’t have attended the TEAMS call and just called in sick.

Next time (in new workplace) don’t contribute to collections, just give your own card/present to whoever is leaving if you’re close to them.

TicklishSmile · 17/11/2023 07:50

Is it possible they realise the gift was a bit shit (probably no time to organise) and perhaps plan to use the Christmas meal as an opportunity to apologise and give you something better?

PrincessHoneysuckle · 17/11/2023 07:51

Have you always got on with them all?

Original poster
sgtz · 17/11/2023 07:52

@TicklishSmile I don’t think so. Every time the meal is mentioned, I’m reminded that I’m due £25 for the drink kitty even though I’ve said multiple times that I won’t be drinking. I was worried about rocking the boat by not adding to the kitty, but now I definitely won’t be. I’ll pay for what I have and that’s that.

OP posts:
Thornyrose7 · 17/11/2023 07:53

You can be confident that you made the right decision to leave the company.Look forward to your next step.

Original poster
sgtz · 17/11/2023 07:54

@PrincessHoneysuckle I thought I had always gotten on with everyone, which is why it’s taken me a bit by surprise. But maybe I’m overthinking and it’s not personal.

OP posts:
WowIlikereallyhateyou · 17/11/2023 07:55

SweetFemaleAttitude · 17/11/2023 07:14

I would rather lose the £50 than go for the meal tbh.

This ^^

Itsagreatdaytosavelives · 17/11/2023 08:00

agree. id rather lose the 50 pounds

determinedtomakethiswork · 17/11/2023 08:00

You don't have to go for the meal. In fact, I think I would be quite honest and say that I was upset that when other people left I had contributed £10 and so had everyone else, but when I left I didn't even have a signed card. Why should people not be told?

wokbun · 17/11/2023 08:02

Never get too attached to work colleagues. They don't actually give a shit. You could die and they'd be upset for like a week then be over it.

MrsToothyBitch · 17/11/2023 08:04

It probably is just bad luck OP. I've been there too.

My first work place was amazing at leaving gifts. As I became a bit more senior, I was part of that and actually responsible for quite a bit of it. When I left I got something personally from my boss who also put in effort but the actual "team" gift was a small quite cheap box chocolates, a 50p very small plant off the market , some body shop tester freebies we'd been given that had been sat in the back room for ages dropped into the bag with the chocolates and a thank you card with a crap pun, not even a good bye card. Boss was off & had tasked the new assistant manager who wasn't very organised. I had been there almost 4 years, got on with everyone and was VERY hurt but at the same time I did realise that it probably wasn't on purpose!

Other leaving gifts from other places have included a pair of hunter wellies, lovely bouquets and leaving drinks etc so I can look back and see that this job was an anomally but at the time it smarted and I did wonder if it was "me" for a bit.

billyt · 17/11/2023 08:07

When I left my job in 2006 (after 18 years) I not only didn't get a card or leaving gift. I had to hunt down someone to leave my company car keys with!

The bloke who left a a couple of weeks before me had a proper send off with cards gifts and a trip to the pub.

Must be something I said Grin

xyz111 · 17/11/2023 08:11

sgtz · 17/11/2023 07:11

@Mercurial123 its a small team and I did feel very close with them, chat outside work etc, which is why I feel a bit more disappointed.

I’ve paid £50 in advance for the meal that’s non-refundable so I’ll be going, but I think I’ll just drive, not drink and make a sharp exit after I’ve eaten.

But what's the point in that? If there's a risk you won't have a good time as it could be awkward etc, why put yourself through that. The money has gone anyway, I wouldn't go.

SunshineAutumnday · 17/11/2023 08:17

Sorry about your leaving present/card.

I leave my role soon and am not expecting anything, mainly as I've witnessed how random leaving presents/ cards are in my organisation. It probably wasn't intentionally.

Re: Xmas party - if you don't fancy it don't go.

FloweryName · 17/11/2023 08:18

If people have just paid £50 for their Christmas do and have to pay another £25 for drinks and then they are expected to put in a tenner for a collection, this is a very expensive place to work at.

Pippylongstock · 17/11/2023 08:19

I think you are entitled to be disappointed at the lack of effort. I do think sometimes these a bit random so try not to read too much into it. November/December are super busy times of the year.
If it makes you feel any better I left a job after 10 years without so much as an email.