To feel a bit sad about leaving gift?

[sgtz]

Aware I sound totally entitled, but I left my job last week and I’m a bit sad/disappointed with my leaving gift. Team of 10 and we usually put £10 in for collections. I got some chocolates and a card with a generic ‘best of luck from everyone at xyz’. The last person who left (wasn’t even really leaving, just rotating to a different team) got a card signed by everyone, a meal voucher, flowers, and everyone met up on their last day for lunch. No one even bothered to come to see me on my last day because they were ‘too busy’ so we had a virtual teams goodbye. I just feel quite sad at the lack of effort and started to feel like maybe I wasn’t liked very much. I’m going to their Christmas meal in a few weeks and wishing I wasn’t now as it just feels awkward but it’s all paid for…

AIBU? To clarify, I am grateful for what I got. I’m more sad about the fact that they didn’t even sign my card, it looks like a last minute ‘shit, sgtz is leaving - someone get them something’ even though they had 3 months notice…

Sometimes when someone leaves people feel it reflects badly on them - ie they are a bit jealous that you’re off to more exciting prospects, and they want to make themselves feel better. You were “one of us”, and now you’ve got a promotion/ house move/ life change coming and so you’ve left the gang. A bit like when you give up smoking and all your old smoking buddies are a bit mean about it because they know they should do it too.

good luck with whatever is next for you, op

That is sad, I am sorry.
But sod 'em

Move on

Don't go to their dinner unless they reach out

Don’t go to the Christmas meal - it’s paid for, so what? It’s not costing you anything more, apart from the travel. You won’t enjoy it, and it’s more likely to leave you feeling worse. Move on.
OR…….
Buy a really big card, take it with you to the meal and pass it round asking everyone to sign it ´so you can remember working with them and they hadn’t had time to sign the joint one ´.
Your choice!!

I wouldn't go to the meal. This happened to me once. I'd worked there for nine years and when I left to emigrate to Oz they gave me a bottle of bloody Jacob's Creek Chardonnay! I left it behind on my desk! I made sure to send a lovely email with some nice beach photos to a friend who shared them with my bitch of a boss, apparently, she was seething with jealousy as she had tried and failed to emigrate some years before, and that was why she had 'forgotten' to arrange the usual collection. The best revenge is a well-lived life! 😁

I wouldn't go the meal. If you're more bothered about losing £50 than having to endure a meal with people who you're not going to see again, it makes me wonder if you are actually miffed about the amount that was spent on you. It seems a bit tight.

I'd go to the meal and talk at great length about how much better my new job was in terms of pay, conditions, responsibilities, workplace culture.........

In all honesty why are you going to the meal? Once you leave they will forget about you in an instance. Turning up weeks later for the meal is weird and your connections to these people will not be the same they will have moved on.

This would hurt me too. I doubt it’s personal, but some people seem to “attract” gifts somehow. Here are som possible reasons:
The proper gift isn’t ready yet
There’s been a flurry of recent collections
The person who organises gifts has decided to let someone else do this one
People didn’t have any cash at the time and then went on leave or wfh
The collection got lost in a drawer somewhere along the line.

I see this a few ways.
Not a chance I’d go to the dinner. I barely socialise with people I actually like.
A box of chocs is perfectly ok for many workplaces as a goodbye. Lots don’t get anything at all. It probably stings as others have had lovely things but perhaps money being tight near Christmas and I think the organiser forgot.
I don’t think two years is that long in some workplaces.

That totally sucks! The last person to be rotated out, is it a job where it could be useful to others in your office and to keep on their good side?

I’d just see the meal as a sunk cost and walk out on my last day in the office with my head held high and I’d not look back

Happened to me once. My leaving present was a Christmas Bauble! They did take me out to a pizza place but it was obvious the Boss had strong armed them. I could understand if I was a horrible person but I often went out of my way to help them. Thing was as I am usually on my own at Christmas, I have no need for baubles!!!

Call the venue directly, this far out you might still be able to get a refund. YANBU.

Leaving gifts are so random at my work but collections are now all done digitally so that does make life easier. It really depends who cracks the whip with the collection and card.

However, I only donate to close colleagues or those I consider friends as my financial situation is so dire.

One very hard working woman who hardly spoke who retired got a £700 collection - her work was obviously hugely appreciated. And another who was very chatty but hadn’t been there very long only got a bunch of flowers. I got a great maternity gift for my first DC and not even a card for my second.

Just move on and leave this company in the background.

It's really sad but I don't think it's personal. I know you said it was the regular organiser rather than someone else but so much depends on who's around and whether the collection is cash or via one of those online contribution sites.

i think I would go for the meal as you have paid your £50 but it's a good idea just to go for the meal and not contribute to the drinks kitty.

I recently organised leave e-card/collection for someone, who is well liked, going on mat leave and was so surprised at how few contributed.

times are hard but it’s a group of professionals, there haven’t been many recent leavings and so I would have thought a few quid each would be reasonable to expect.

Unless the food is spectacular I'd write off the £50 and not go.

It could be logistical like who normally does the collections was off or it's close to Xmas or other events or it could be that there's controversy over you leaving in some way??
Anyway that is a bit sad and off sorry it was such a disappointment

I completely get why you're hurt, but I would try not to attach any mesning to this. It just sounds like poor organisation, nothing personal. 🎉

I agree with this^
also the organiser makes a better effort if they happens to be a friend with the leaving person.
Did you pay for the party OP?

If you are a long serving member of staff it is easy to feel like you are constantly being asked to donate to various collections without getting anything back personally.

Perhaps it should shift like birthdays to we bake our own goodies and bring them in therefore we stop donating to leaving gifts and just treat ourselves! 😂

Did you state this before you were leaving? I wonder if they, rather pathetically, decided to put less in your card because they are annoyed at having to cover your share of the booze, even though it amounts to £2.50 each. I would go for the meal because you've already paid for it and then leave as soon as the plates are cleared!

If you do want to go to the meal, can I give you a silent mantra of 'I've paid for these calories, goddamit!' You have every right to be there and eat that food.

Kill them with kindness or avail yourself of a sudoku app - whatever gets you through it if you want to go.

Not going is fine too if you are more comfortable with that!

It's one of the worst things for human beings - feeling ostracised by what they thought was their tribe. I've been there.

But hold your head up high. You can't control the behaviour of others but you can take charge of your own.

Not unreasonable to feel a bit sad, but it has happened to many of us, so you’re not alone. I would take it as a sign you are right to leave the organisation.

I got what I can only describe as a ‘fun-size’ bottle of gin when I left one company.

I don’t drink.

My mother spent 20 years as a teacher at the same school and helped out with multiple extra curricular activities , exam revision sessions over holidays etc.

Lots of cards from kids and parents but her retirement gift from her colleagues?

Zilch.

Oh I’d missed the bit about the drinks kitty. There you go, I’d assume that’s the reason tbh.

I went on maternity last year and didn’t have so much as a goodbye on my last day. Someone else went on maternity recently and had TWO large collections for them, a baby shower (I wasn’t invited) and a goodbye meet-up on their last day. It’s shit and people are arseholes.