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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel a bit sad about leaving gift?

315 replies

sgtz · 17/11/2023 07:05

Aware I sound totally entitled, but I left my job last week and I’m a bit sad/disappointed with my leaving gift. Team of 10 and we usually put £10 in for collections. I got some chocolates and a card with a generic ‘best of luck from everyone at xyz’. The last person who left (wasn’t even really leaving, just rotating to a different team) got a card signed by everyone, a meal voucher, flowers, and everyone met up on their last day for lunch. No one even bothered to come to see me on my last day because they were ‘too busy’ so we had a virtual teams goodbye. I just feel quite sad at the lack of effort and started to feel like maybe I wasn’t liked very much. I’m going to their Christmas meal in a few weeks and wishing I wasn’t now as it just feels awkward but it’s all paid for…

AIBU? To clarify, I am grateful for what I got. I’m more sad about the fact that they didn’t even sign my card, it looks like a last minute ‘shit, sgtz is leaving - someone get them something’ even though they had 3 months notice…

OP posts:
Lorralorr · 19/11/2023 16:30

Are you properly leaving or going on mat leave?

WinterWonder · 19/11/2023 16:37

I sympathise 100%. I had the same when I went on mat leave the 2nd time. People always got a tea party and gifts on their last day, especially for a life event. I would have been totally happy with just the tea party. It was on the leaving day when I realised that had not been organised for me, it was pretty crushing. Pretty much left me hating them all, and I didn’t stay for long after I got back. I did tell them how sad I was about it, they were all kind of surprised and said they thought ‘name another person’ would organise it.

LinaLouLa · 19/11/2023 17:06

sgtz · 17/11/2023 07:05

Aware I sound totally entitled, but I left my job last week and I’m a bit sad/disappointed with my leaving gift. Team of 10 and we usually put £10 in for collections. I got some chocolates and a card with a generic ‘best of luck from everyone at xyz’. The last person who left (wasn’t even really leaving, just rotating to a different team) got a card signed by everyone, a meal voucher, flowers, and everyone met up on their last day for lunch. No one even bothered to come to see me on my last day because they were ‘too busy’ so we had a virtual teams goodbye. I just feel quite sad at the lack of effort and started to feel like maybe I wasn’t liked very much. I’m going to their Christmas meal in a few weeks and wishing I wasn’t now as it just feels awkward but it’s all paid for…

AIBU? To clarify, I am grateful for what I got. I’m more sad about the fact that they didn’t even sign my card, it looks like a last minute ‘shit, sgtz is leaving - someone get them something’ even though they had 3 months notice…

I would feel the same as you.
I got made redundant after almost 18 years in my job. Anyone who's ever left - either for another job or due to redundancy - there had been a collection (often organised by me).
My manager at the time behaved like a total arse and didn't even tell my dept I was leaving until 3pm on the day. My close friends there knew I was going but I frankly felt ashamed that I had failed at re applying for my own job so didn't advertise the fact I was leaving.

No collection. Not even a card. I got an e-card sent to me a month after I left. I stopped feeling sad for leaving instantly!!!

Lifetooshort23 · 19/11/2023 19:06

I got nothing when I was signed off and eventually left my job due to a mental health breakdown, caused by the job! I had previously “brought the team together” when I joined!
Someone else had a heart attack whilst I was attempting to reintegrate on a phased return to work and I was expected to contribute to the card and gifts for them!! I was signed off and my notice period handed over shortly after that!

Purplehearts9066 · 19/11/2023 22:01

Aww, sending you empathy, I've been here. The norm was a goodbye meal, decent pressie, card. I got a card signed by a couple of people and a candle & plant from my closest co-worker. Realised that things had always been a bit awkward there and having worked in different places since, where I am liked and my contribution valued, made me realise even more that it just wasn't a good fit for me. Im glad you're out of there and hope you're happier in your new workplace x

AprilFools2015 · 19/11/2023 23:06

One job I had, I left to start a masters after 2 years due to horrendous bullying from my supervisor. There were 5 of us, we worked in a tiny office. Took me sharing it in resignation for anyone else to stand up and say, yep, she's an outright cow. They were lovely, signed a card, leaving gifts etc. Never actually had a proper catch up since & certainly didn't really want to see the bully again, but at least took the edge off that they treated me well in the end. The cleaners (& some of the lecturers - it was a uni), were just the most diamond people though, one of them (a guy) bought me a seperate gift...the Green & Blacks Ginger choc bar (I'm a Bianca)...it has the tag-line 'inherent warmth from crystallised ginger'. To date the best present anyone has ever bought me, I was so touched, because for a lot of my time there I didn't fit in & felt l was leaving under a cloud somehow. I kept the wrapper for ages afterwards. What a sweet, sweet person.

Katkinsgreyy · 20/11/2023 08:05

My colleague is leaving soon. Our manager has already said she isn't organising anything as she is too busy and basically can't be arsed. I was a bit taken aback when she said it.

No one else was stepping up so I have. I would feel awful if I left and no one had even bothered to get me a card. I literally got a 99p card for everyone to sign and suggested any money go towards a voucher. It wasn't difficult and took me no time! I'm getting this person a separate gift from me anyway.

I was once in a job for only 3 months and the manager bothered to get me a card and present. I did not expect it but felt so grateful that they had made the effort.

Saverage · 20/11/2023 10:15

Katkinsgreyy · 20/11/2023 08:05

My colleague is leaving soon. Our manager has already said she isn't organising anything as she is too busy and basically can't be arsed. I was a bit taken aback when she said it.

No one else was stepping up so I have. I would feel awful if I left and no one had even bothered to get me a card. I literally got a 99p card for everyone to sign and suggested any money go towards a voucher. It wasn't difficult and took me no time! I'm getting this person a separate gift from me anyway.

I was once in a job for only 3 months and the manager bothered to get me a card and present. I did not expect it but felt so grateful that they had made the effort.

It does take time to do it properly. I'll await a post of 'I just left and all I got was a cheap card and voucher'. Just look at some of the other posts in this thread, complaining about flowers etc. I hope your colleague is grateful, she won't realise the alternative was nothing. Same as OP, someone probably feels quite happy with themselves for arranging chocolates and a card, rather than the 'nothing' that was on its way.

Sfk34 · 20/11/2023 12:41

I would be a bit upset as well if I was in your place,but then I m very introvert and very awkward as a person ,and people usually don't like me cause they think I am a b@@@h. I m really curious now to know the outcome of all this. If you will go to the party and all that.

OldMrsM · 20/11/2023 20:25

I reckon they're going to surprise you at the Christmas party.

ThomasinaLivesHere · 20/11/2023 21:14

I really don’t think there will be anything at the meal. For a start, they’ve given you a card and leaving gift so why would they then give you a better one?
It might be that people didn’t say bye as they thought they’d see you at the meal and so that could excuse why they didn’t make the effort to say bye.

Ganainm488 · 20/11/2023 21:21

When I left my last job I didn’t get anything as I wasn’t in the office on my last day. I got cards from people but that’s all. Then a month later I went back for the Christmas meal and they had lovely presents for me and made a fuss of me. So I’d say go to the meal but don’t have high expectations and you won’t be disappointed.

Mlb123 · 20/11/2023 21:52

If its usual that people give in around 10 pounds each to a collection then there is no way nobody did so apart from one person and a box of chocolates and a card isn't usually a tenner anyway unless reasonably nice , so are you sure your gift money hadn't been misappropriated. Is the same person who organises collections the person who is reminding you often you owe £25 towards the meal kitty? I ask because if they are so stalwart when chasing drink kitty money (especially from a person who keeps telling them they won't be drinking) then I would believe they had been like that with collecting for your gift and I would wonder if they had had more money than they spent on you and if there is a chance they have kept money. Would people on the team have noticed if she hadn't spent the money they gave? Or as you had a leaving meet by video call is that something that could have caused something like that to not be noticed? As you say the closest person to you on the team is the collection person it all seems odd and suspicious. I would have to know and would find a way to bring it to people's attention. Maybe next time the drinks kitty is mentioned to you 'I won't be drinking and I really don't feel people on the team will be able to afford that as things are hard at the moment and I understood when my leaving gift was a box of chocolates and it's obvious when usually people give 10 per collection like I gave recently for the last collection. Then I would see what they say and if anybody around looks at all surprised x

Muthaofcats · 28/11/2023 16:12

They’re colleagues, not friends. So unless you developed a close enough relationship to stay in contact outside of work, I’d just put it down to the fact they didn’t feel particularly connected to you and move on! The chocs and card is a token of good will, it just seems no one wanted to go the extra mile and that’s ok. There are people I work with who I think are perfectly fine, but wouldn’t contribute to a leaving gift unless we were close or I really rated them, it wouldn’t mean I actively disliked I just wouldn’t see the need to spend money in this way.

Sparticle · 15/12/2023 21:27

Hi OP - did you go to the Christmas do?

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