To not plate my 10 year old's pizza?

[Mastmw7g]

DH does most of the cooking and tends to cater to DD. I've become concerned that she will not eat when hungry unless he puts food in front of her. He was out and we had pizza. She told me she didn't see her plate. I said to then grab a plate and join me. She said no and went to her room without eating. DH came home and became upset that she hadn't eaten and said I should have put her pizza on a plate for her.

These threads where everyone immediately jumps on and try’s to label her with some of kind of sensory processing disorder or eating disorders actually do my head in, what has happened to the world, she’s 10 and has been babied by her Dad clearly so you know what she doesn’t have a disorder it’s called being a kid who can’t be arsed, and funnily enough it’s pretty common.

Please stop the label madness

This isn't normal ten year old behaviour though is it? I don't think I ever voluntarily skipped food at that age, and I went on to have an ED that started in my early teens.

Let alone skip food allegedly because of a plate.

@beanii

you don’t need a plate to eat a slice of pizza though

Your daughter is indeed old enough to grab a plate and put food on it, but......I've always laid the table with plates and cutlery for everybody expected home for dinner. Also, we never start eating before everybody is in and at the table (unless of course somebody has told me he/she will not dine at home). What you say, you were in and eating pizza together with her brothers (each of you grabbed their own plate) and then your daughter came home? She probably didn't feel welcome, you didn't wait for her, you didn't put a plate out for her. After all she's only 10, a mere child! I think that when your DH makes her a meal she feels somebody is caring. It's more about the effort that's made than about the actual food I guess.

@saffronsoup well that was unnecessary. You should probably take a look at your own qualities.

Your 3 children are all different people. Just because 2 will happily put their own food on a plate it doesn't mean the 3rd will or even should.

She is 10. Still primary school age. There is absolutely no way I would have allowed my daughter to go hungry when I knew full well that she needed me to put the food on the plate for her.

How very weird & very selfish.

I wouldn't ever pick battles over food. It isn't something you want to become a battleground or a control issue. Do what's necessary to make sure she eats and don't fuss. It doesn't matter what other children and parents do or don't do. What matters is keeping your child healthy.

Husband does all her meals usually. Mom can't even be fucked to pass a plate when she's In charge lol

No, you missed the point. Someone was laying into it being a British thing to eat in front of the tv.

Who has just one slice of pizza? If we have pizza we put a few slices on a plate with or without side orders. We don't keep going back for another bit.

If its on the dining table in the middle you might just take one at a time but you would all be sat down together.

My three year old loves cooking. He helps me all the time when I’m cooking and baking. He has knives, he chops vegetables, he knows how to make a cake, albeit not quantities. If you start kids off on a healthy path with food, why couldn’t they knock up a meal by ten?

Not everyone misses that particular boat with their kids.

I don't see how OP is teaching the children manners when she's just slapping a pizza out on the worktop and telling them to help themselves.

I find this a little odd. I always cook my 10yr olds dinner, plate it up (often we cook and serve together) and he eats with us some days but always with his brother every day. I can't ever think of a time where I've plated up food and not done his too and i wouldnt expect him to either. I find it a bit odd that the 10 yr old wasn't given some when OP got hers? My son often helps in the kitchen, serving up meals, dishing up for all of us. Seems a strange thing to do tbh, i certainly wouldn't continue eating if child went upstairs without eating. This feels like a deeper issue around food than just not plating up a bit of pizza. I wouldn't let them just not eat because they didn't get a plate. I'm with the husband on this, I wouldn't be happy if my partner fed himself (he wouldnt dream of doing anyway) and made our child get his own or they end up with nothing. 10 yrs is still a child imo. Yes encourage independence, but perhaps plate up together and let child help serve up for all eating rather be expected to do her own, would also allow her to choose own portion size as well as learning and gaining independence in the kitchen.

When did child start being allowed to go to bedroom without having dinner? Sounds far more to it 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

I served pizza on Saturday to my dh and dd3 ( age 15). I put it on their plates, asking dd if she had enough. It would seem strange if everyone got their own plate and plated it themselves but I suppose I could have taken it to the table for everyone to help themselves. I would still have brought plates for everyone or asked dd or dh to bring them.

I work with kids on the spectrum and girls can mask so well. From the things that have been said I would question processing issues. Perhaps dad does coddle her and your style sounds more independent, but I'm sure there is a middle ground.

My LG can be fifficult at times but I have found walking her through processes useful and over time, letting her do more and more for herself. Practice makes perfect.

i don’t really get the set up tbh?! I mean, you made it, surely you get the pizza, slice it, put it and a bowl of salad or whatever in the middle of the table, put out the plates and cutlery and then shout “dinner” and every comes and sits down..? And if somone refuses you go after them
and find out what’s going on? And if they aren’t ill and are only TEN you literally make them Sit with you.

Why wasn't all the table laid with plates/ cutlery ..glasses of water etc?. Then food served? This is the normal way.. not to grab a plate from wherever... that's for snacks and helping yourself not for meal times. She's only 10.. l still serve my adult daughters when they come for meals and the table is laid.

For pizza?

I know! I can’t imagine a situation where you make some dinner and my 10 year old is expected to grab a plate and help herself, meal times just aren’t like that when you’re a kid. You get called for dinner and your plate and drink
and cutlery (and the rest of your family) are all there and you sit round eating together. And one of your parents serves out the food from dishes in the middle.

Does no one ever have pizza on their laps (on plates) in front of tv
This is what that meal sounds like to me.

Most Mums would be concerned if their child didn't eat. 5, 10 or 15 years old, it doesn't matter. The OP said she spent time with her after but didn't mention the food. It doesn't sound normal to me.

Yes, we do sometimes. We gather in the kitchen and I make sure they all have food and then we all sit down together.

The mother told her to get a plate - I have manners and use a plate too? The same as the sons.

I find it weird at that age not sitting and eating together - the mother just got her own 🤔

Clearly not. I'm bemused by the number of children who can't pick up a slice of pizza, put it on a plate and eat it.

Yes but other posters like myself are bemused how a Mum would just shrug it off and go and fill her face without asking the child if she was OK. She chucked a frozen pizza in the oven and put it on the worktop. She's hardly gone out of her way in the first place. Especially as DH normally cooks.

We don't know if said pizza even looked that nice to eat. I don't think much effort was made in preparing the food.