To not plate my 10 year old's pizza?

[Mastmw7g]

DH does most of the cooking and tends to cater to DD. I've become concerned that she will not eat when hungry unless he puts food in front of her. He was out and we had pizza. She told me she didn't see her plate. I said to then grab a plate and join me. She said no and went to her room without eating. DH came home and became upset that she hadn't eaten and said I should have put her pizza on a plate for her.

When my children were 10 …many years ago I am pretty sure I served up food for them . Maybe not laying the table ,but I did put food on their plates .

She wants to be a Princess and not have to do things for herself. Your DH is doing her no favours keeping her like a baby. If she went to Brownies or Guides and went to camp what would she do if she can't pick up a plate and put food on it herself?

This household is so dysfunctional.

Considering allowing sex work in a room 3 DCs could walk into? Thats child sexual abuse.

Lazy AF hubby needs to stop pandering to her or she's going to go into adult hood with completely unrealistic expectations no life skills or still wanting daddy to feed her .
If we order pizza everyone helps themselves

I got my precious DS (G&T) a chef’s hat for his first birthday and he is now cooking restaurant quality food at 4. Admittedly the purchasing of a combi oven, vacuum machine and planetary mixer have been quite expensive but we are happy to forgo luxury holidays to support him. So surprised to see that all parents are not like this ☹️

I would have just gotten her a plate. You are being juvenile

Reading into it a bit it sounds like maybe you are coming across as passive aggressive to your daughter by plating your own food and telling her to plate her own, and also when she says she’s hungry you reply with “well eat something then”. I wouldn’t be surprised if she thinks you resent her which is the reason for her refusal rather than laziness or incapability.

yanbu, but then I wonder why he is worried she didn't eat. Will she scoff a bag of sweets in her room instead? Why not insist she sit with you (is how our meals work) even if she's not hungry, have a nice chat even if not peckish.

Is she overweight or underweight? Can't believe I'm the only one to ask. Lots of people declare "I'm hungry" when bored or it's habitual meal time but they don't need food.

Kids who need some food, genuinely hungry, tend to find skills to get it.

Apologies for making the comparison, but this sounds like my cat. Food will be there and she won't touch it... You have to actually walk with her at 5 o'clock to where she wants to eat and physically place it in front of her.

If my mum had deliberately gotten herself a plate and not one for me I’d be annoyed too 😆

What I have learned from skimming this thread is that many, many mumsnetters have no idea how to eat pizza, perhaps have never seen pizza before, or even have no concept of what pizza is.

I suspect OP thinks her dd is being pandered to by dh due to his behaviour and placing food in front of her etc and OP was making a point, as was the dd by refusing food.

Anyway, I see a recent pp mentioned a sex worker in the house so maybe OP's other threads contain information not included here (unless pp is mistaken).

I feel this is laziness by the OP. She’s only 10. Yes she could plate her own pizza but if I’m doing something for tea, it would be for me and my children as we eat together. I would put it on the plate for them.

i feel like you are focusing on the wrong thing here. It sounds like you need some family routines around food to ensure a good relationship with it. It comes across in your thread that your husband gets food for her when hungry, rather than having proper meal times where something is made for everyone. It also sounds like you are moaning about your DP just for looking after your child. I would prefer my child ate, then refused to plate for her and then come on here to moan about my child and partner.

This is a ridiculous thing to say about a 10 year old child. 🙄

Agree.

I’m sure there are also many, many parents who would plate up for their whole family and not see it as a Mumsnet worthy complaint. Agree with your point though.

You seem to have a problem with actually parenting your children. Even your 6 year old had to get his own pizza. You seem to be selfish . It normal to plate up food for your children, reading comments it seems you have posted a lot about your daughter, she struggles to brush her own hair?? So do it for her. She only 10. But nope your solution is to cut her hair off because you are too lazy and uncaring to help her

I've been wracking my brain about this as it seems like a simple ask but...

I have one who won't pour herself a drink (she's scared of spilling - getting better, will pour from a bottle unless it's full and then she'll ask for help) and also if we do a self serve Sunday roast, she will take everything but the meat (she originally wouldn't get herself anything and wait for her dad to do it but I think that was because she couldn't work out how much she needed. She was 10 at the time and her dad hadn't helped by literally doing everything up until this point - she's now nearly 12 so she's progressed!) I've come to the conclusion that sometimes you go for a piece of meat and it's attached to more than you think and you have to break it up. She's just really shy and probably doesnt want to have visual issues in front of the table especially when her older sister would be straight in there to point it out (we have words, they don't sink in! Teenagers who think they're the bee's knees hey?!).

The pre cut pizza though you'd think would be easier! My only thought is - I work in a school and at lunchtime I'm always seeing children struggling carrying plates full of food to the table and so often there are accidents and spills. Is she clumsy at all? Maybe she has trauma from dropping something in front of a bunch of classmates even just once and will now avoid carrying stuff at all costs? Maybe try putting the pizza with, then without plates on the table and see if it's the same story each time? I realise some might think it's far fetched but kids can be really weird sometimes and I see you've mentioned she didn't say anything or ask you to get her food... but how embarrassing would that be?! She'd almost definitely be labelled as lazy at that point! Tbh, if your 10 year old is anything like mine was, she's not likely to want to voice her problem and would rather go without as she has major issues if she feels incapable (hates losing a game, won't take part in activities she knows she might not ace straightaway). Maybe you could ask her about it kindly, at another time of day when the pressure is off? I think the thing is, if a child gets to an older age and has got away without doing something they struggle with, they're then almost perceived as too old for help because 'surely they should be able to do this by now'. I've realised mine is willing to do a lot more after simple instruction (in a, "I find if I do this.... It's easier", demonstrating kind of way, rather than an overt "you need to do this" way which she finds embarrassing).

Hope you figure it out! X

If I knew my DD, who was only 10, wouldn't eat unless I plated her food, I would de-escalate this issue and just plate her food.

I think your DH is right on this, you are making this more of an issue than it needs to be.

OP I get it, you want her to be more independent and able and not to do a PA thing of going to her room when you haven’t served it to her. Maybe she has equated being served food with love, and thinks that because you refused to serve her you were shunning her. I only say this because my DH used to be like this and he certainly didn’t grow out of giving the cold shoulder because his food wasn’t served to him. Having 3 kids disabused him of that expectation 😅

It was really trying, and unfair on me as the partner. I would sit down and discuss with her how she can be more independent around food. I discuss with my 6 year old how he can start being independent with getting his plate and getting a drink etc. I would deal with it as it’s an unpleasant way to be, giving the cold shoulder because things haven’t been done the way you unreasonably wanted it to be done.

My daughter is autistic with PDA and this is something that she would do. Getting the plate is a demand and this causes anxiety. So she would rather not eat than get the plate.

People will say that I’m soft, or spoiling her but those people don’t have children with PDA and don’t have the first clue about it.

Does she struggle with any other demands? Even things she wants to do?

Given the OP's presentation it sounds like there are attachment difficulties with the mother to me, too many people jump to label children with various sensory or processing, ND issues or AFRID without looking at that relationship. The fact the daughter is different with her dad speaks volumes

Or maybe the kid is just lazy - and threw a hissy fit - and now expects to be pandered to and get her own way becuase the dad does it.

What makes you say that? What are people doing wrong?

Probably references to fully laid tables with cutlery and glasses of water, pizza is grab and go.