To not plate my 10 year old's pizza?

[Mastmw7g]

DH does most of the cooking and tends to cater to DD. I've become concerned that she will not eat when hungry unless he puts food in front of her. He was out and we had pizza. She told me she didn't see her plate. I said to then grab a plate and join me. She said no and went to her room without eating. DH came home and became upset that she hadn't eaten and said I should have put her pizza on a plate for her.

your husband is unreasonable your daughter needs to learn to do some basic things for herself….getting a plate isn’t hard!

At 10 my eldest was making simple meals with either me or my DH and was able to fix himself toast or sandwiches for himself. It has served us well because he is a wonderful little cook at 13 and very confident in the kitchen and in the home. I wouldn’t have got her a plate and plated up for her either. Old enough to do these things for herself and help out. Maybe next time when she’s asked to grab a plate she will remember the other option is to go to bed hungry.

I couldn't agree more. If my family expected me to plate up their pizza for them, I'd be pointing out that I'm not running a restaurant, and if they want a waitress they'll have to hire one.

Don't you dish up food? I'dve thought it's a basic of a family meal. The person makes the meal, then plops it onto plates. It's not arduous.

Or is it only pizza you don't do it for? Do you have the pizzas at the centre and people grab what they want? That is pretty cool though I must say.

There's something a bit odd about all of this. Of course a 10yo should be able to get a plate out and put food on it, but why you'd serve dinner and get everyone to get their own plate out separately, I have no idea. It's hard to tell if it's your daughter who's behaving weirdly, or you. Maybe both!

I have a 10 year old DD. That's odd behaviour and it would bother me a lot.
I would get her cooking some meals. My DD is a great cook, she and her friends all love cooking. In fact they will set their ipads up in their kitchens and talk to each other while they cook. Almost like their own cooking shows.
10 is a vital age to facilitate independence. As they grow out of toys, cooking/baking is a nice activity. My DD loves sitting with some cookbooks and writing a shopping list. You want to nurture a healthy relationship to food too.

I'm not sure I understand why when she went to her room you didn't remind her that dinner was ready? Ask her why she didn't want to eat? Is your husband worried she's gone to bed hungry? I think I would've popped into my daughters bedroom and checked she'd eaten something.

Why would you? Do you never have meals where you just leave it on the side and everyone helps theirselves? It’s not uncommon!

All these 10 year old cooking & serving up fabulous meals I'd love to see them 😂. Serve her up a slice of pizza what actual difference does it make. She's trying to control using food. My DD14 does this. And my DS (but less deliberate more like he 'forgets' to eat or rushing to this or that). So yeh I 'baby' them & put a bowl or plate of whatever in front of them because I want them to eat healthy be strong so they can focus & study & work & it's cheaper. my mam did same for us til we left home nearly 18)

When they adult & away from home then yeh get on with it whatever way they like!

All these 10 year old cooking & serving up fabulous meals I'd love to see them 😂
Not sure why you're disbelieving. Two different friends have kids 8-12 who can make a decent meal. DS is only 5 and already genuinely helpful with his tasks rather than a hindrance, even if he does eat bits along the way. Kids who grow up cooking can cook, same as any other skill, it's just a learned capability.

HappyHoli I think we should be concerned about you. First you responded, clearly not having read what OP wrote. Second you’re saying if your mum had 🍕 and you asked for some and mum said go get a plate - you’d perceive that as crazy, bonkers, bizarre behaviour? Was your mummy your servant?

That’s not what HappyHoli wrote though.

We are so ‘old school’ our kids will do well 😜

We are so ‘old school’ our kids will do well

Isn't it old school to dish up food? My/our parents and grandparents did.

The few things that stuck out to me here are:

▪︎OP said she didn't put her daughter's pizza on a plate because her daughter didn't ask her to.

Does this mean, OP, that perhaps like your daughter, you need specific instructions or direct communication inorder to do things? Or were you testing her to see if she can 'use her words' instead of expecting you to read her mind?

▪︎You spent time with her afterwards, before she went to bed but didn't talk about food.

Was it because you felt uncomfortable to talk about this? Or you didn't want to rock the boat so didn't want to bring it up unless she specifically does (again with the direct communication where if she doesn't say anything, you wouldn't either as if you dont know what to do unless it's explicitly stated)? Did your daughter not mention that she's hungry and did you not ask her?

Interestingly both of you seem to be similar in at least these 2 areas with direct communication and avoidance of (perceived) difficult things. I suspect that you too may be on the spectrum as your daughter (even if neither of you is autistic, etc).

That said, I think you'd need to be more proactive with asking her questions in order to either get to the why or get a positive outcome, like her eating and not going to bed hungry: Like would she like to take out a plate and put food out for herself or would she like you to? Is she hungry and why didn't she eat? Things like that.

I just think that she can’t have been that hungry if getting herself a plate if she wanted one to eat off deterred her. No big deal. We all have days when we don’t have much of an appetite.

@LuckySantangelo35 We should still try and eat though because fueling ourselves is important. It's also a very basic duty of a parent to try and ensure their child eats enough, because getting the right amount of food a day is vital for optimal functioning, especially as someone is growing.

And having a complex around food doesn't necessarily mean she isn't hungry anyway. Some anorexics claim to not be hungry- they still need food.

I'm surprised how many Mothers would get one plate out for themselves and not just grab a handful of plates for everyone. It doesn't mean she's being a slave, it's just being kind. If I ask my DS to get cutlery he is nice enough to get some for us all not just himself.

The pizza was sliced, the plates were next to it, all 10 year old had to do was pick up a plate and chose a slice of pizza.

This is such a strange thread, I’m going to reference it forever if people ask if their child is old enough for x,y,z….

I've just read back and the plates were next to the pizza. However, I find this comment weird.

I would have just put a slice on her plate and passed it to her. It's just a natural thing to do. I also couldn't have just let her go hungry because I'm an adult and her Mum.

so you are sat down eating - someone goes up to the pizzas (i assume choice of flavours) and refuses to pick one and put in on their plate which is next to the pizza and says they won't do it. And you are supposed to jump up and put it on for them?

its pretty much like a toddler tantrum. Surely you don't pander to that? (though dad does in the orginal example)

I just get from the OP's posts that DH does most of the cooking and probably provides the family with three meals a day. When OP is left to cook she puts a frozen pizza in and can't even be bothered to make sure they all eat. Just sounds lazy and uncaring.

These threads where everyone immediately jumps on and try’s to label her with some of kind of sensory processing disorder or eating disorders actually do my head in, what has happened to the world, she’s 10 and has been babied by her Dad clearly so you know what she doesn’t have a disorder it’s called being a kid who can’t be arsed, and funnily enough it’s pretty common.

Please stop the label madness

I mean then feed your kid . One thing is for her to grab a plate for a pizza and another is to expect her to cook for herself.

Totally this!

Why on earth would you NOT put a plate out for your daughter?

I find that very peculiar.