Or is he - moving costs after relationship end.

[DietCokeAddict19]

Ex has lived with me, rent free but paying half the bills, for 5 years. In that time he’s been able to rent out his own place to the tune of £1800 a month which he has been putting in savings.

So we’ve split up, and he has moved out and back into his own place. He lives 3 hours away, so with various trips and van hire, it’s cost him £220.

In the process of sorting out finances and our joint account etc, and he has asked me to pay half of his moving costs.

I’ve told him he’s being completely unreasonable - it’s not my problem that he lives 3 hours away and needed to hire a van.

From a guy who earns at least 4 times my salary, he’s just being a CF, right?

Tell him you think it would be perfectly fair to send him half the current (I.e used) value of the items if he sends you half the savings he made out of his home while living rent free in yours.

No, because he had the use of them while he lived there. They'll have lost value over time, I bet you couldn't sell them for hardly anything now. Tell him you want half the income from his property that he rented out for 1800 while he was getting to live rent-free with you.

he can't read it because he's in a panic.

And so it begins! Block him.

And make sure you don't get sucked in with "Awwww but the kids want to see the dog" routine!!

I hear you, but I want to say don't be surprised if, having worried about him and even feeling a bit sorry for the poor man, that you'll suddenly get a big wake up call and find that he's actually been living it up with someone else... They are not like us OP. I've seen some of your other posts and your experience has so many parallels with my own. My x is so good at the "poor me" act he's got everyone lapping it up. If only they knew how good an actor he really is. Feel free to PM me if you want to.

Why is he in a panic? Because he's lost all that profit?

Thankfully I'm still feeling angry with him at the moment for being such a CF in asking for the moving costs and other money. But yes I know it could be easy to get sucked back in. Thanks for the reminder that these types are not like us. In a million years I wouldn't behave the way he is so it's hard to understand his motivation for all of this. Thanks for the offer to PM. Sorry to hear your story is so similar and it's great that he has been gone for 6 months and you've not been hooked back in. Have you had other relationships like that?

I've not asked. I ignored that comment and just kept my communication factual.

It might be because I'm not rolling over and just paying him what he has asked for. He's not used to me "fighting back", for want of a better term.

Is it my ex? Name begins with A. Lives in Aberdeenshire.

When he moved out of mine (after cocklodging for a couple of years - paid no rent, but half the bills) he wanted me to pay half his moving costs. I said no.
The way most of my bills work here is that you pay to the house management company all year and at the end of the year you get an adjustment where if you've used less water and heating than expected you get some money back, or if you've used more you have to pay up for the difference.

6 months after he moved out and with no contact from him for at least 5 months of those, ex sent an email (very punctually timed to coincide with the annual adjustment) demanding that I pay half of whatever money I received back from house management. I ignored that. Several other emails came demanding his money. I ignored them too.
And eventually I heard no more from him.
I wasn't paying him anything back because most of the refund that year would have been from reduced bill costs due to going from a 2 person to 1 person household and therefore less water usage, less electricity etc.

There are some unbelievable cheeky fuckers in the world.

he has seen I've replied to his email, but he can't read it because he's in a panic

Panic about what? He has no dependents, he has his own place, he has loads of money, what the feck has he got to be worried about to the point of panic?

EDIT - nvm, xposted. In answer to your original questions
No to sharing moving costs.
No to paying halves to white goods.
If he kicks off tell him to take you to court. The white goods would have deprecated hugely by now plus he had years of use (plus they replaced your original ones). What a cf.

Hahahaha oh my life this man!! He has now decided to share his calendar with me so I can see everything he is up to, who he has got visiting, which work opportunities he is in discussions about etc. This is a purposeful move as I never had access to this before. I’m actually a bit speechless.

Anyway, no he is not A from Aberdeen - but how bloody depressing that there are so many men like this out there and we have such familiar stories we have to check!

No word on the panic. He’s managed to let me know that he has “read the email” though.

I wonder whether it’s all a wind up and he is reading this thread to see whether I’ll post about all his ridiculous escapades. In a way I hope that is what he is doing because I can’t believe he’s actually this much of a twat.

Tell him you can arrange to sort his stuff from your house for free. By taking them to the dump! Cheeky fecker, cocklodger, and responsibility for his own shit dodger.

OP, I suspect this is all just the tip of the iceberg with this man and that when you will find yourself doing or saying something and suddenly realising, "oh, I wasn't able to do that before" or "shit, this was something he made me feel" or whatever.

I have no idea what the calendar sharing is about, but you don't have to accept the share. Just decline it.

Agree with a PP - look up covert narcissists. They are insidious awful people. I think probably the quickest way to spot one is their constant belief that they are a victim. Doesn't matter if things are going badly because of their own actions, or because of something else - they are always more hard done by than anyone else and it is almost always not only NOT their fault, but probably yours.

YABU to have let him stash away money while you pay the mortgage on the house you both live in, that’s crazy. Goes without saying he should pay his own moving costs.

Let me guess - he's calculating this on the basis of new for old, no accounting for wear and tear?

Your ex is a major league CF.

I'm catching up and know I have other bits I want to respond to, but yes, calendar notifications... I wasn't expecting to be caught out by those in the No Contact stage... WTAF 🤣

Sadly yes, 10 years married (hence 3 kids) and I did every course going, and even taught others. Oh, he was a carbon copy of my Dad too. So let's say I have a lifetime membership. This particular breed was way more sneaky though🤯 I can't say I didn't see or address the red flags, but somehow I still let way too much go. When you know you see a red flag, and you challenge it, but they manage to explain it away so you think "maybe I'm being too harsh?" Yeah, that. Won't be doing that again...

Wow. Are you me?!

I meant to also refer to your earlier comment about how you can't believe he's doing this and is it all a bit Truman Show 🤯 I'm real! Told you; parallels... 🤯

Wow he is really up high there on the CF full of himself ladder.

In a panic! Oh my! Hoping his fainting couch is close by when he has the vapors! 😂
Sharing his calendar. Like anyone cares!

Yes you really weren't kidding about the parallels!

The calendar notifications I'm quite shocked by. I've never seen anything in this particular calendar which makes me think he's just added me. I seem to be able to unsubscribe from it, so I'll try this.

He has accounted for wear and tear, but one item is 2.5 years old and he has just taken the amount he paid and subtracted £50 for "wear and tear" - not accounting for the fact that it would not be worth anything like that now 2.5 years later.

Yes I've been aware for a while that I've been living his life, not my life. He is quite minimalist and doesn't like "stuff". Despite the fact that he has replaced his wardrobe of clothes twice since we got together (although accepting that it contains far fewer items in total than mine), I haven't bought any new clothes for myself for about 2 years because I knew he wouldn't like it.

I took myself out to a gig on Tuesday night, by myself. The last time I went to a gig was when we split up the last time in 2019. Not because he wouldn't have gone with me, but because I feel like I had totally lost myself and what I enjoy doing for me.

I don't think he believes that he is always a victim, but will def look it up.

My only idea about the panic is that he might be panicking that he is now single. All of his relationships have (significantly) overlapped since he was in his early 20s and he is now in his late 40s. He doesn't know what being out of a relationship is like, and I suspect he doesn't like it.

I would imagine he'll start seeing someone else very quickly. Which I find very hurtful, but it's none of my business. At least he is 3 hours away and I won't have to witness it myself.

Perfectly reasonable as long as you get half of the profit he made from living in your flat (rent for his flat plus any other benefits)

I'm really quite concerned, OP, that you have to ask these questions

The man is a wankstain. Stop being a pushover