Or is he - moving costs after relationship end.

[DietCokeAddict19]

Ex has lived with me, rent free but paying half the bills, for 5 years. In that time he’s been able to rent out his own place to the tune of £1800 a month which he has been putting in savings.

So we’ve split up, and he has moved out and back into his own place. He lives 3 hours away, so with various trips and van hire, it’s cost him £220.

In the process of sorting out finances and our joint account etc, and he has asked me to pay half of his moving costs.

I’ve told him he’s being completely unreasonable - it’s not my problem that he lives 3 hours away and needed to hire a van.

From a guy who earns at least 4 times my salary, he’s just being a CF, right?

You are doing really well. It's so hard not to engage but you know its pointless. Any crumb you give him will just turn into more accusations. Younhave to almost feel.sorry for him. He doesnt understand why hes not getting the responses he wants from you. It is probably very upsetttjng for him! 🤣🤣🤣🤣

I am really impressed with your strength here!

Perhaps the best way now is to get your own game contract/account so he's not paying for anything and there will really be no reason for him to contact you at all. Maybe the kids are okay with not playing it anymore anyway, it's just a habit. Then block him on everything without replying. If he contacts you from another phone, or via post, then seek some advice from the police. Just because you ask their advice it doesn't mean it goes towards court etc so don't feel overwhelmed or worried about it. They might knock on his door and say stop being a twat mate, leave her alone.

Good luck!

I haven't replied. I haven't read the text or the email.

I've got therapy tomorrow so I'm planning on talking it through then.

I agree that anything I reply with will be ripped to shreds and only invite more contact from him. So I can't see the point.

Yes to setting up our own account for the game - we discussed it tonight and the kids are happy for that.

Sounds like you're well rid!

My therapist thinks I should read it.

I would read it with the proviso in my mind that no matter what it says, it will not get a reply from me. But you need to do what you feel comfortable with.

Note to self:

Sometimes, you know better than your therapist.

Oh no.....

Note to (your)self: MMers who have been in my corner for months know better than a newish therapist too.

Need any help unpicking his emotional blackmail, or are you sufficiently over him to deal with it yourself?

I spent about an hour believing his utter vitriol towards me (his email said he wanted to meet so we could talk, he could ask questions, and get closure - I messaged him to say I wasn’t prepared to do this and he sent a long, horrible message back), and then thanks to all of your utter marvels on here, I spent time dissecting it, and determining whether it was actually true or not. Most of it wasn’t accurate at all and was just hateful shit from someone who still refuses to take any responsibility and still continues to blame me for everything.

Well that’s the last time you ever have to communicate with him. Block everywhere you can. Ignore going forwards. Anything he says will be a combination of lies, him twisting things and no good will ever come from communicating with him.

And sometimes the best response is nothing. Or the wonderful, underused, and brilliant 👍

Did you get my message 👍

Closure, blah blah feelings, expressing myself 👍

Do you want to meet. No 👍

Yes, that’s the positive here. He blocked me first. I’ve blocked him on everything. I’ll ask the kids to block him.

And no, no good will ever come from communicating with him. Which I already knew. Further lesson learnt. Trust your gut instinct, even if it’s the opposing view of your therapist.

But at least it’s over. Once I get over todays onslaught of hate, I can feel better.

The non responding (my default unless he asked a question) has apparently damaged him as a person.

The other good thing is that he is having therapy. I’m glad for that.

has apparently damaged him as a person.

OMG you heartless...

hold on, the relationship ended 7 months ago. He is officially Not Your Problem. If I had to be responsible for every bloke I dated (or married) I'd be knee deep in feckless nobbers.

If he wasn't someone you HAVE to block and ignore (and he is) I'd be tempted to say, "sorry just dealing with Bob's emotional needs. I broke up with him 3 years ago but he also believes I owe him something, even though we're done. Can you take a number?"

he is officially Not Your Problem

Absolutely. But he apparently didn’t get that memo…

“It was suggested [jn therapy] that if it was important to me, then I should contact you regarding asking for your help in terms of closure, and helping me with that. I’m sorry that after five and half years together, you can’t see your way to helping a fellow human being move on. I have no choice but to accept that you won’t help me (you wrote “can’t” but there’s a choice, so “won’t“ seems more appropriate) . It leaves me hanging, but the threshold is yours ’nd I’ll have to find a way to figure it out for myself on my own. It’s deeply disappointing to me to hear that my mental health and request for help mean so little to you, though as you pointed out to me at the end, I wasn’t anywhere near a priority whilst we were together, so what would I expect now?”

So he still going down the "me me me" route. With added "it's your fault", "you made me do this", "you are a disgusting human being" and finally the "you need to fix me".

Wow.

He should be grateful you've released him from such a horrible relationship since he was unable to leave under his own steam. Oh wait...

For you 🍾

Yes the whole thing (that was just a snippet, the rest is much the same) is me me me. The email, the chase up text, that text. Not once did he ask how I am, or how the kids are. Just all about him.

Its brutal, you know, reading things like that.

I realised that I didn’t want to read the email because I felt fearful. And I couldn’t work out what the fear was about. But now I do. I was scared that the things he would say about me would be true. Imagine the worst things you fear about yourself, that you hope aren’t true, getting thrown at you by someone who claims to have loved you. It’s taking all the strength that I have, and all that I have learnt, to tell myself that what he is saying is not true. I’m getting there, and I’m not completely there yet. This is not just bouncing off me without an impact. But whereas before this utterly broke me, this time it’s just a small dent in the armour that I can repair.

And that shows how far you have come in 7 months. Once you would have been broken but now you know that these kind of words coming from a manipulative emotional abuser are only said to wound you. Not that they are true, or even a teeny tiny bit true, but for hurtful purposes only. It's the equivalent of telling him he has a small dick and was useless in bed. Designed to hurt. To be nasty and mean.

One day you will look back and think "my god, what a utter twat". You will get there

It’s amazing how the most self-centred people accuse other people of being selfish. Sadly I don’t think his therapy will help much (if he’s even really doing it). My XH had counselling for several months and quit because he wasn’t getting anywhere. Well no, he wouldn’t..because it requires insight and he has none. He’s perfect so counselling can’t help!

You owe this man NOTHING. He treated you like crap. Remember how when you were a kid people used to say ‘If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything’? Don’t say anything 😉 You will never be able to say anything that genuinely helps him, he will just want to use it to blame you and praise himself. Block, block, BLOCK! Never read any communication from him again. You deserve a life free from this man.

Op, I just went back to remind myself of the end of this relationship. He just left after an argument, after a long history of a difficult relationship.

what the actual F&ŷ& does he mean by “closure”? What closure? The relationship wasn’t working, he left… it’s al just his ridiculous victim mentality. His therapist probably feels for him because of course, she’s hearing his version only.

His therapist told him to hassle you about his feelings? Really? Sounds like his therapist is either a piece of work or just made up. Does a decent therapist really suggest you work on your problems by blaming somebody else for them? Not convinced.

Reply with this then never interact or read anything he sends ever again.

do not contact me again or the children. We are no longer together and haven’t been for some time.
if you continue to contact any of us I will consider it harassment and contact the police to intervene.

You are at the point now where he is using contact with you and the children as a means of control.
he is not going to change so you are going to have to be strong. That means having the children cut contact too because any even tiny crack he gets access to will get kicked into a hole.

block him on all the children’s devices including gaming accounts etc

Just say no.
Why would he expect that? Presumably he's an ex-boyfriend, not husband. If so, your finances are not tied.

It's a real shame you can't engage MNers to reply to his nonsense without you having to read or engage with it. Because my response would be "read back what you've written and it will be clear why I won't have more contact with you. You want help with your emotional responses and have denied me mine, 'I have no choice but to accept that you won’t help me (you wrote “can’t” but there’s a choice, so “won’t“ seems more appropriate)' is, frankly, borderline abusive. You've decided my boundaries and my needs. Don't presume to tell me what my needs are. I hope you manage to work out that women are fully human too before you inflict yourself on another one of us."

I'm angry with him and I don't even know him. What a spanner.

@MrsTerryPratchett my final message to him after that text to me was “and your reply is precisely why I won’t meet”. And then he blocked me.