how did you come to terms with getting older?

[lemongrab33]

I can't cope with nasolabial folds/marionette lines so I've just had filler and happy with the result. I don't mind small crows' feet etc. but the nasolabial folds really got to me.
I feel ridiculous as I'm only in my 30s, my ageing is only just getting started.
I am planning to continue procedures as time goes on, I am just not sure how I'll find ageing, I know it's such a gradual process but still.
Is there anyone here that feels depressed about their looks and mourns their younger looks?
I hate the ageism towards women and the idea that men are more attracted to youth. Men don't face anywhere near the amount of pressure women do and I feel stupid for buying into it.

This is so true! I don't really have any wrinkles naturally (mid 40s) But I still look my age or there abouts.
There is so much more to youthful looks than just smooth skin. You can't turn back the clock.

Same here. The opposite of old isn't young, it's not being here on earth. I mourn my friend too, she would have given anything to stay with her husband and children.

I keep on hearing 'pressure' mentioned but no one ever mentions where they actually get the pressure from, unless they use the 'I watch reality TV and am obsessed with social media'

I engage my own brain and realise I will age no matter what I do so I don't blame anyone else and just get on with life

I’ve never thought about it other than thinking my 40s have been the best years of my life so far, I have always been comfortable in my own skin and never cared what other people have thought of me. I’ve got grey hair and wrinkles, don’t wear make up and also have a younger (pretty fit and gorgeous) partner, according to him me being confident and happy as I am was what he initially found attractive.

It's interesting that most of the replies are from posters who are older than the OP. Is it because when we were her age we weren't constantly bombarded with the kind of social media that made us feel inadequate for having a few lines?

I think the bombardment still happened via magazines and tv - just look at how many older women (whilst not caring so much ) nevertheless still have day and night creams, make up every day , take ages to decide to ditch the hair dye , worry about pockets spoiling the line of clothes

There are people in every generation who fight the appearance of age

And those who realise you only live once and you might as well care about making your life enjoyable and ditching things that make you unhappy - like worrying about looking good

I don't think so. I'm older than OP. I had a mother who was really into looking beautiful and quite negative towards me. We got plenty of bombarding about being slim and maintaining youthful looks. At least there's body positivity no matter what your shape now. I grew up in the shadow of my mother's eating disorder and messages.

I really don't care about getting older. I've had too many people close to me die in their late 30s and 40s. I'm just happy to be here. Old is good and not everyone gets that luck.

True @aswarmofmidges, but when I was in my 30s (30 years ago) there was no mention of botox and fillers. It was all about face creams and make up, both of which I do use.

Before all those things there were face lifts and chemical peels and other things.

I am similar to you, model looks was a head turner then developed disability, put on weight, lost a lot of my looks, now it’s almost like I am invisible! But you know what, at the age of 40 and hitting peri menopause I have finally stopped giving a shit. There is so much more to life then looks, I focus more now on what I enjoy instead. And your right, people don’t really care about what you look like, they are probably more focussed on what they look like themselves. I guess our worst critics is ourselves.

I am a retired photographer and one of the most beautiful and admired portraits that I took was of a very old woman with a multitude of wrinkles, a wonderful smile and a twinkle in her eye.

30 years ago face lifts were for spoilt rich women and film stars. Now they have become totally mainstream.

I just wanted to add, I recommend a YouTube channel called ‘Life Over Sixty With Sandra’, which gives some amazing advice about getting older and Sandra herself, who runs the channel is aged in her 80s or 90s I think, is a very beautiful and inspiring older woman.

But they weren't mainstream like they are now. And they weren't really written about in magazines like they are on social media now.

They were less common but anyone who could get the money together could get one. And they looked terrible (IMO only). I don't like the way many of these procedures make people look. I know someone who gets microneedling and she has the most smooth glowing skin, but there's something about it. She thinks I should for a few capillaries but I don't want to get that kind of finish.

Maybe but, on the flip side, there seems to be much less emphasis on being thin now. Much more body positivity.

Several of my family & friends have died young & unexpectedly

They will never grow old

It is a privilege to grow older & wiser

This is my perspective too. I'm here, I get to see my kids grow up, some other people didn't manage that. I am so happy to be getting older! I'm lucky.

I can relate a bit to how you feel OP, I’m in my 50’s and when I look back I realise I actually looked great in my 30’s but didn’t realise it at the time and was always focusing on my flaws - we are never satisfied!

I do wonder if anyone ever looks in the mirror and is totally happy with how they look at any age😂

Make the most of and take care of yourself now - it’s not a crime to be concerned about your appearance.

And look after your neck, as for me that is one of the biggest shocks as I’ve aged it it crept up suddenly- SPF daily from now on would be my advise to my younger self.

Maybe try to put less focus less on how you look if you can - easier said than done I know ❤️

This is true. I would go so far as to say that being thin is now seen as less than ideal. It's hard to believe for those of us who came of age in the nineties and aughts, but I think if Kate Moss came along as an eighteen year old now she would be seen as an over skinny plain jane, not a world class beauty.

She always was seen as too thin though. I remember a lot of stuff in the press about how she and other models were underweight, what a bad example it was setting for young girls etc.

True, but the reason that those articles were written was that young girls thought that she was the epitome of beauty and so starved themselves to emulate her. My point is that if she came along today, those same young girls would themselves think she was too skinny and nothing special. They would rather look like someone off Love Island nowadays.

I honestly think, gradually becoming more and more aware of how different (and better) men experience life and aging has helped me. If they can get away with being seen as "silver foxes", or "salt and pepper', or somehow elder and distinguished and worth listening to, then so can I! I am just as valuable as them, and I will not absorb any more of the patriarchal message that women are somehow lesser as they age (see "crone", "hag", "witch" "old bat" etc. it's all a tool to put us in our place... It's not our place any more!).

Also, following a lot of empowering insta accounts can give food for thought. Around perimenopause, disability, and the beauty of aging female bodies. Making it normal, to counteract all the Hollywood perfection and filtered, altered faces and bodies. Old women have lived. Old women have shit to say. Old women are poets, artists, mothers, grandmothers, activists, dancers, solicitors, smallholders, shop workers, they like food, sex, pets, laughing, and being visible. To reduce all of that to merely greying hair, soft stomachs or frown lines is a fucking tragedy, to me. We are so lucky to be alive!

A thing to remember I think is that other people don't scrutinise you half as closely as you scrutinise yourself in the mirror.

Why are you worried about getting old? Maybe it’s much more existential than wrinkles: what do you think about death? Are you scared? Why? What happens on death? We run from these questions: maybe you need to fade them?