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Original poster

how did you come to terms with getting older?

240 replies

lemongrab33 · 16/11/2023 13:40

I can't cope with nasolabial folds/marionette lines so I've just had filler and happy with the result. I don't mind small crows' feet etc. but the nasolabial folds really got to me.
I feel ridiculous as I'm only in my 30s, my ageing is only just getting started.
I am planning to continue procedures as time goes on, I am just not sure how I'll find ageing, I know it's such a gradual process but still.
Is there anyone here that feels depressed about their looks and mourns their younger looks?
I hate the ageism towards women and the idea that men are more attracted to youth. Men don't face anywhere near the amount of pressure women do and I feel stupid for buying into it.

OP posts:
ringstrawpot · 17/11/2023 15:07

*face…

Whowhatwherewhenwhy1 · 17/11/2023 16:37

This

how did you come to terms with getting older?
VanityDiesHard · 17/11/2023 19:12

DollyDaydreamW · 17/11/2023 09:50

I honestly think, gradually becoming more and more aware of how different (and better) men experience life and aging has helped me. If they can get away with being seen as "silver foxes", or "salt and pepper', or somehow elder and distinguished and worth listening to, then so can I! I am just as valuable as them, and I will not absorb any more of the patriarchal message that women are somehow lesser as they age (see "crone", "hag", "witch" "old bat" etc. it's all a tool to put us in our place... It's not our place any more!).

Also, following a lot of empowering insta accounts can give food for thought. Around perimenopause, disability, and the beauty of aging female bodies. Making it normal, to counteract all the Hollywood perfection and filtered, altered faces and bodies. Old women have lived. Old women have shit to say. Old women are poets, artists, mothers, grandmothers, activists, dancers, solicitors, smallholders, shop workers, they like food, sex, pets, laughing, and being visible. To reduce all of that to merely greying hair, soft stomachs or frown lines is a fucking tragedy, to me. We are so lucky to be alive!

It's astonishing the way men will smugly trot out the 'men age better' bs. It's as if they think that all men automatically turn into George Clooney when they are over fifty, even if they have always looked more like Roy Chubby Brown.

Disturbia81 · 18/11/2023 18:14

DollyDaydreamW · 17/11/2023 09:50

I honestly think, gradually becoming more and more aware of how different (and better) men experience life and aging has helped me. If they can get away with being seen as "silver foxes", or "salt and pepper', or somehow elder and distinguished and worth listening to, then so can I! I am just as valuable as them, and I will not absorb any more of the patriarchal message that women are somehow lesser as they age (see "crone", "hag", "witch" "old bat" etc. it's all a tool to put us in our place... It's not our place any more!).

Also, following a lot of empowering insta accounts can give food for thought. Around perimenopause, disability, and the beauty of aging female bodies. Making it normal, to counteract all the Hollywood perfection and filtered, altered faces and bodies. Old women have lived. Old women have shit to say. Old women are poets, artists, mothers, grandmothers, activists, dancers, solicitors, smallholders, shop workers, they like food, sex, pets, laughing, and being visible. To reduce all of that to merely greying hair, soft stomachs or frown lines is a fucking tragedy, to me. We are so lucky to be alive!

Love this 🖤
Sadly the world as a whole is only concerned how sexually appealing you are.
I look at young people and I see kids. We have so much more to offer as we get older.

Mirrormeback · 18/11/2023 18:36

Just do what makes you feel good OP

MyKindOfWonderful · 18/11/2023 18:42

Just pay little attention to it, it's never about how you look, it's about how you feel.
I am in my 50s and happy with the way l look, just aging naturally, that's because l feel grateful to still be here. We all make the mistake you only die when your old.

Xenia · 18/11/2023 18:45

I hadn't even heard the words in the first post ever! So it must be that some people live in a world where those kinds of things are known and mentioned and others of us don't.

Hbh17 · 18/11/2023 18:49

OP, why does it matter what you look like? Why do you only think about yourself in relation to men?
Getting older is normal, and brings experience and wisdom about life - so it is to be welcomed. You reach an age when you know that looks are irrelevant.
More superficially, think of celebs who have had "work" - they don't look better, or younger, they look like people who have had cosmetic surgery - and it definitely isn't attractive! Safe your money, for goodness sake.

RampantIvy · 18/11/2023 18:50

Xenia · 18/11/2023 18:45

I hadn't even heard the words in the first post ever! So it must be that some people live in a world where those kinds of things are known and mentioned and others of us don't.

You and me both.

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 18/11/2023 19:03

I am just as valuable as them, and I will not absorb any more of the patriarchal message that women are somehow lesser as they age (see "crone", "hag", "witch" "old bat" etc. it's all a tool to put us in our place... It's not our place any more!).

Absolutely! 'Hags' by Victoria Smith is well worth a read, though it did make my blood boil a bit!

DeeCeeCherry · 18/11/2023 19:18

I look after my skin very well. Good genes so dont really look my age. However I AM my age - 60 - and my face is starting to sag. Im not against beauty treatments, why not if it makes you feel good? I'll likely do them too in time to come. I want to look my best as I age. But I won't be having any drastic treatments.

However, it really isnt wise to mourn the loss of youthful looks to the extent that you are. You mentioned men too; is that how you valudate yourself? As having to look good for men? That is ridiculous and also, what makes you think all men necessarily want a woman with a face thats been done to the hilt? Maybe thats a celeb thing but you're not likely to be mixing with those men are you?

No matter how many treatments you have, you will grow older and eventually you will look what you are - old. Thats the reality you need to embrace, and not be so hung up on the superficial.

TuesdayQ · 18/11/2023 20:17

A method I'd never recommend to anyone else: by watching two of the best people I'll ever know die young.

takemeoutonight · 19/11/2023 19:40

Having googled nasolabial folds it turns out they're laughter lines. For goodness sakes laughter lines are evidence that you've lived and smiled! What is going on that people are believing these are a negative thing? The mind boggles quite honestly.

WeAreBorg · 19/11/2023 20:05

I don’t think there’ll be any ageing signs in your thirties - are you just getting fat maybe?

I find the older I get, the more smugly pleased I am with my appearance. Am grateful I’m a) still alive and b) don’t have any chronic illnesses

EBearhug · 19/11/2023 20:14

I don’t think there’ll be any ageing signs in your thirties - are you just getting fat maybe?

There can be. I had my first grey hairs in my 20s, and first lines round my eyes were probably 30s. Definitely by the end of my 30s.

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