how did you come to terms with getting older?

[lemongrab33]

I can't cope with nasolabial folds/marionette lines so I've just had filler and happy with the result. I don't mind small crows' feet etc. but the nasolabial folds really got to me.
I feel ridiculous as I'm only in my 30s, my ageing is only just getting started.
I am planning to continue procedures as time goes on, I am just not sure how I'll find ageing, I know it's such a gradual process but still.
Is there anyone here that feels depressed about their looks and mourns their younger looks?
I hate the ageism towards women and the idea that men are more attracted to youth. Men don't face anywhere near the amount of pressure women do and I feel stupid for buying into it.

That is so incredibly awful - the comment you’ve had. People are so fucking cruel. I can guarantee that one persons ugly is another’s beautiful. It’s all so subjective which is why the whole beauty industry is absolute nonsense (and I say that as someone who worked for Clinique and Chanel for nearly 15 years).

No, not necessarily, it depends on your quality of life.

I’m proud of who I’ve grown into, and am still growing into. I’m proud of the 30 years of adult existence that have given me strength, character and some wisdom. If I was given the chance to hand it all back and start again, I’d say no. An older face and body go along with that. I want to look good, but I don’t want or need to pretend to be something I’m not. I’m not a young woman any more and that’s fine. We’re very fortunate to live in a time- I’m going to correct that- we’re very fortunate to be bringing in a time where women are not confined to move from virgin to mother to crone with nothing in between.

Another advantage of getting older is that you come to understand that the vast, vast majority of men are not worth worrying about or trying to please. And the small number who are, are not so shallow as to care about grey hairs and wrinkles.

The fresh vibrant look never leaves you, it's the sparkle in the eyes, it's the natural smile, it's the inner happiness. It really does shine through, I have seen people with Botox and lip fillers, and those with the latter lose their natural smile and you can tell nerves, lack of confidence, and unhappiness behind the eyes despite the wrinkles being removed. The vibrancy can also come from an active lifestyle that makes you feel good and glow.
Some of the most vibrant fresh people I know are grey, old and wrinkly but their true happiness shines through you can not fake it at all. You just need to figure out what makes you feel like this.

Absolutely fair point. I meant it in comparison fading beauty but yes, you’re completely right on other factors.

Beauty lies within. You can have all the fillers and botox/surgery you want, and that's fine if you can afford it. However, although I can afford any procedure I'd like I won't do it. I am 66 (a crone).

I have lines, I have a crepy neck, I don't care. I had an illness in 2021 where I lost practically half my body weight in a few months, and believe me, all the procedures in the world short of a head transplant wouldn't sort out the sagging skin now. But I am alive and kicking and that is a wonderful blessing.

To go back to my point, I really think that when a person is pleasant, fun, engaging, empathetic, good company etc., very few notice or care about how they look. They will remember a vibrant kind person and looks and wrinkles don't come into it. Keeping up appearances can make one very careful about actually LIVING, so therefore I live and never worry about my face!

@Pigeonqueen it seemed so awful at the time, but the reality was that there were benefits. Because I would never be a 'trophy' wife, I avoided all the pricks and have been married to a great bloke for 25 years. I didn't suffer as much from sleazy men chatting me up, though it used to depress me that my pretty friends had tons of admirers. I was forced to work harder on other aspects of myself to compensate. And the big bonus is, a few lines don't have me rushing to spend my hard earned on trying to retain what I never had.

I'm the same age as you and could almost have written your post, apart from never having had acting ambitions. I agree with every word. Such a relief once I no longer had to fear walking past groups of men who are likely to call me 'ugly' or make dog noises etc.

Gratefully as I know too many that didn't get the chance tbh.
That may sound glib but it's true.

I was never that shallow, but I had two primaries in four years and with the first one, I was planning my funeral, I had radio and chemo at the same time and cancer aside that damn near killed me.

Stop looking in the mirror and start living.

I'm having a rough time with my neck that has completely changed in the last year. I try and think of it as a privilege that I'm older than 3 close friends I've lost and try and remind myself that they would've loved to be old enough for some wrinkles . It sort of works ...

@CesareBorgia oh, god, the dog noises. I remember waiting for the bus at 11pm for a late shift at work and counting the cars full of blokes howling at me. Dicks. Mind, that comment I mentioned from a stranger was from a woman.

I also had 'should have been born a man' a few times.

I’m in my 60s and hate it . Every day there’s a new ache or pain, and my energy levels have decreased markedly. I’m lucky that my Dad was very young looking and I seem to have inherited his genes, but I do have fillers and Botox once a year, it makes me feel good. You’re far too young to be so worried about aging. If only you could realise that you’re in the prime of your life. Don’t waste it.

Must be so much easier being a man. Most of them don’t seem to give a fuck about how they look when they get older.

You'll just make yourself look awful like the love Island people who are 25 to 30 but look like dolls who are 50ish because of filler.

Just been ignoring it so far but the repetitive injuries are making that harder

I think it’s ridiculous how it’s perceived that men get more attractive with age whilst women don’t!

Men become silver foxes!

Women just get OLD

NOPE - women also become wiser and self confident!! Older women are beautiful- in just the same way older men are! It’s a sexist construct of society that it is not perceived that way (also, actually abit creepy that men ‘look for youth’ - ew!)

Im in my 30s and certainly plan to maintain and do what I can to look my best! But I’m also going to embrace the perks of getting older aswell!

I had a friend who died young (in her 30s) - she was wonderful. I shamefully said to her ‘oh my god I can’t believe I’m 30!!! So old’ This was before her cancer became terminal, but still a totally stupid comment nonetheless! After what she had been through she said ‘every year you grow older is a blessing’ - I REALLY heard her and it totally changed my outlook on age!! I’m going to embrace ageing with all that I have and see it for what it is - a blessing!

So true.

I was watching Banged Up on Channel 4 earlier (prison reality Tv show) and an older cellmate said to the other he didn’t want a biscuit as he was watching his weight. The much younger one said to him, “why? You’re old and fat, who cares?” And they both laughed and he had a biscuit. Men generally just don’t care so much. It’s a real freedom to feel that way.

It would make it so much easier if there wasn't such fascination with youth by a lot of society, media etc.. or so many men trying to be with younger women. It creates insecurities when women should be embracing their awesome ageing wise selves.
I hate that women give life and are then made to feel like this.
Men do NOT age better though! Women look far better generally

I come to terms with it by looking at how insane fillers and Botox eventually make people look - I mean see for example Brooke Kinsella who is only 40 and now has a face so frozen she looks like someone who has been in a serious accident, Katherine Ryan, Courtney Cox, Meg Ryan. Then see E.g. Judy Dench, Jennifer Saunders or even Deborah Meaden who may not be raging beauties but look their age and comfortable and healthy in their skin. We can’t be young forever.

I just can't be bothered trying to be something I'm not. Today some.woman tried to go on about me.looking older than her. Honestly her issue, not mine. I'm not wasting the short stretch of life thinking about how others see me. It's not as though a single person will give you any kind of prize. I don't exist to impress others.

Between 40-45 and still can't believe that is the age I am. I was 20 ish just the other day.

I very rarely wear any makeup. Just the same cream for years.

I do a lot of strength cardio and it feels good and my body loves it.

I will never be a size 6 again after kids and I've made peace with that too.

It def is a privilege growing old.

Yep good on them!

The alternative is the OP!

Growing old is a privilege that some people don’t get.
Embrace every new chapter as best you can. You can’t change it, but you can change how you feel about it.

Probably not the answer you want but my mother died when she was 50, so to my mind, getting old is a privilege and I honestly couldn't give a damn how I look as I'll be really fucking grateful to outlive her (more so as am currently undergoing chemo for breast cancer).