how did you come to terms with getting older?

[lemongrab33]

I can't cope with nasolabial folds/marionette lines so I've just had filler and happy with the result. I don't mind small crows' feet etc. but the nasolabial folds really got to me.
I feel ridiculous as I'm only in my 30s, my ageing is only just getting started.
I am planning to continue procedures as time goes on, I am just not sure how I'll find ageing, I know it's such a gradual process but still.
Is there anyone here that feels depressed about their looks and mourns their younger looks?
I hate the ageism towards women and the idea that men are more attracted to youth. Men don't face anywhere near the amount of pressure women do and I feel stupid for buying into it.

I'm past caring

I don't know anything about any of the stuff you mention and would pay it zero attention if I did.

I'm 57. I've got some grey hair, some developing wrinkles and a fair few stretch marks from three pregnancies. I wear no makeup and give no shits about any of it.

I'd rather age than die young.

You say you will continue having procedures but I've always thought there's something inherently sad about older women with visible face lifting procedures done, at some point whatever you do it will look worse than your natural look and this is just nature. Don't think about it as something you are losing, with age we gain so much more about ourselves as women, more certainty of what we want, less willingness to please, more focus on our own needs (at least in my circle of women, I am 43). By all means, do what you think is best but it's a losing battle.

This ^
I could have written this! My niece and her friend have both either Botox or fillers. When they wear off they look much older than the 30s they are! It costs them a small fortune and when they can't afford it they look older than they should do!
I'm glad it wasn't available when I was younger and had the money.

It's not that I want to look 25 forever, I don't, but certain lines can make you look more tired, angry, run down and so on. I just want to carry on looking fresh and vibrant.
I know there are far worse things in life to worry about, I have always been vain though and received a lot of compliments for my looks.
I hope I'll be able to get my head around it in time as it seems like the vast majority of posters have which is good.

I say this kindly, but your instinct that it’s stupid to buy into it, has a place. Even if you decide to go ahead and use fillers, like you have, that inner voice that says it’s BS that your worth should depend on your looks - is true. I don’t feel any pressure not to age, in fact I love being in my forties and no longer being looked up and down by those men who are attracted to youth, being treated more like a person than a piece of meat. I think you have to be aware how you’re speaking to yourself. If you look in the mirror and an inner voice is disparaging how you look, tell it to fuck off and don’t give it any airspace! It’s just a bad idea, mental habit, and if you don’t give it air it can’t grow.

I'm too busy to notice, tbh. At your age I had a busy social life, an all consuming full time job (teaching) and volunteered with Girlguiding during the week and the British Red Cross at the weekend.

Now in my mid 40s, I'm still too busy - I added a husband, older relatives and children to the above mix as well as helping at Church events, volunteering with Scouts and my own DC's school.

I am noticeably older but the alternative is to be dead. I want to see my DC grow up and meet any grandchildren they have.

Try not live for 'youth' and 'summer'. Find the celebration in every season.

I've never had compliments, getting older is easier if you don't ever look in a mirror. I can do all sorts of things. Think what you want to be doing in your last decade, then practice for those things.

Eg, getting up off the floor...

Late 30s here and just started to get fine lines near my eyes, nothing major or even noticeable and tbh I don’t really care. Don’t get me wrong I look after myself, do a good skincare and always wear make up so I don’t mean I don’t care about my appearance. Getting older is part of life it’s going to happen so I won’t be having any treatments like fillers or botox (the thought of injecting something into my face also doesn’t appeal to me). Learn to love your changing face and nothing else matters

I think it’s helpful to distinguish between ageing (growing older, the possibility of ill health/frailty and certainty of death) and the appearance of ageing (lines etc).

For the latter, ask yourself why it is you feel you ought to look young? What does a youthful look indicate in our society? Is that something you actually want to indicate about yourself and if so why?

For the former, that’s a bit harder.

I think you need to find value in yourself beyond the lines on your face

I imagine being on my deathbed, hopefully as an old woman - would I feel glad about all the energy I spent worrying about the size of my arse/wrinkles on my forehead/stray hairs on my chin?

Or would I be glad I spent energy on relationships, family, enjoying the beauty of the world?

TBH I've never been a massive looker, which I think helps - if you put a lot of store on how you look when you're younger, it's more of a loss when you lose that. It's like the threads from new mums on here bewailing that they're ove size 10 and floppy, when some of us have been that way forever and somehow manage to live with ourselves :)

I have always been vain though and received a lot of compliments for my looks.have always been vain though and received a lot of compliments for my looks.
Try and learn not to be vain as looks can only carry you so far. Vanity is not a particularly nice trait either to have or to observe.

I am 65, look my age, never had any of whatever those things you mention are. I was pretty attractive in my youth but never vain and it's a good job because you become invisible after a certain age however you look.

Anyone who hits the tweakments in a big way ages themselves even faster.

Kylie Jenner is in her mid twenties but looks a good 15 years older.

I was lucky in my 40s and 50s as I didn't age too badly, however now I am in my 70s, I have noticed it has suddenly caught up.
That being said, I reiterate what others have said, I don't care really. I try to keep active physically and mentally, I do wear a bit of makeup when going anywhere, I feel I need a bit of confidence, but that's it! I don't fret about it. I am widowed and definitely not looking for a partner in my 70s.

It's hard but what helps me is to think of ageing as a privilege not everyone gets... some people are taken too soon. Ageing is a blessing and something we should be grateful for ❤️

I'm 36 and I feel like I'm improving with age?! Haven't had botox or fillers - I'm not anti, I'm just a massive wimp and am too scared it would hurt. I use a retinol, sunscreen and eat a Mediterranean diet and that seems to do the trick?

I'm not scared of ageing at all as I feel like I'm growing more into myself as I get older. I don't mourn my younger looks at all - I was a chubby, awkward teenager and early 20-something and now I'm a fit, confident, slim mid-30s woman. You couldn't pay me to be in my 20s again.

Often get the sense from these threads that it's the formerly-gorgeous who seem to struggle with the visible changes of ageing.

I look alright (according to me) but I probably get a compliment on my looks once a year*, if that! Actually, it's almost always about my clothes, not my face or hair.

In fact, the older I get, the less appealing beauty seems. For some, it's difficult to come to terms with losing, and it seems to attract a lot of hassle. Increasingly, I really don't mind looking average.

*DP compliments me every day, and I shall continue to hide his optician appointment letters.

I'm not going to sit here and judge you for vanity and tell you it's what's inside that counts, because I think everyone has some vanity inside them. But you can channel it in healthier ways and say no to yourself if you feel it becoming all-consuming.

You can take that urge to look good into things like fitness and fashion. Think about the older women you see around you - I always admired a family friend who ran marathons in her 50s, and I'm now friends with a few women in their 50s and 60s who dress very distinctively. They look old because they are, but they also look fabulous and healthy and happy.

Sleeping well, eating well, dressing confidently and exercising properly will do much, much more for your looks than tweakments and injections.

Had to google what they are- kind of slight jowels? Don't have them and I'm 48. Good muscle tone helps.

I'm fast approaching my 60th birthday and couldn't give a fig about the lines on my face. I've never spent a fortune on beauty products either - Simple moisturiser and Boots No 7 is good enough for me.
What I focus on is eating healthily and exercising regularly so that I have the best possible chance of living a healthy and active old age - as others have said, old age is a privilege denied to many.
Spend your money on something worthwhile or put it into your pension instead of using to inject chemicals into your body.

My parents had both died by my mid-30s. I didn't want to look like I'd sailed through life with nothing affecting me, because life can be utterly shit at times, and it's left its mark, but I'm still here.

OP I don't think anyone likes the effects of ageing on their looks or body - but as a former nurse I've seen too many people die young who would have loved to have the chance to get old.
I try to keep active and look the best I can in my 60s, but honestly the best thing you can do is cultivate a sense of humour about it! A sour, cranky old person is a misery to everyone.

When I look in a mirror I admit I don't much like what I see, so I try to keep smiling and remind myself how good it is to be alive.
I must admit I have a friend who is older than me and is still very beautiful. She has wonderful bone structure and complexion, but that is pretty rare. Would I like to look as good as her, you bet but I can't. So I have a laugh at myself, sometimes a little ruefully, and then I go back to making the most of the time I have left.
You will be OK! 🙂

Same here. My brother died when he was 20 in awful circumstances. I've made it to 62 after having cancer. Every day is a bonus. Looks fade, no matter how hard you try. Just enjoy what you've got.

Because the alternative to not getting older is being dead.