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AIBU?

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Original poster

Husband refuses to keep sentimental items for our children

522 replies

Kitkat189 · 16/11/2023 12:37

I recently did a big clear out at home and finally got around to creating little memory boxes for my children, with things like their christening gowns, first haircut, hospital id badges, ultrasound pictures, one or two special outfits - you get the idea. One of my daughters joined in and added a few items which are special to her (leavers shirt from school, acceptance letter to secondary). I laundered, ironed, mended, ordered acid free tissue paper to wrap clothing in, tied with ribbons blah blah. The boxes were purchased from a company which specialises in keepsake boxes. About 45x30 cm so slightly larger than a big shoebox

husband was so annoyed with how much space these boxes took up and wanted them
gone. He doesn’t see any point to keeping any of this. All he had to say was ‘I would never have bought those [boxes]’.

I feel ridiculously hurt by this. We’ve kept an absolute minimum of baby things over the years, husband took everything straight to oxfam as soon as he could and we only kept a few special items. I just wanted some memories for my children for when they leave home. Something tangible to remember their childhood. Husbands parents never did this for him, maybe that’s why he is so unsentimental.

This morning was spent emptying the boxes and putting a few of the things in a small bin bag which can fit under one of the children’s beds. All the carefully wrapped clothes and christening gowns are just lying around now, soon to be disposed of I assume.

Help me get over this. I don’t know why I am so attached to these things and why I feel so upset, he feels differently about these things and I should be able to accept it but I can’t!!

OP posts:
Emeraldsanddiamonds · 18/11/2023 00:35

I'm not sentimental about hospital bracelets or baby teeth. My christening gown was worn by me and both my sons and I hope there is another generation that uses it.

Jillybloop393 · 18/11/2023 00:39

Put the things back in the boxes and keep them, they're precious - not just to you, but in the future they'll have huge sentimental value to your children too. I think it's a wonderful idea .... tell him to go and boil his head. Best way of gaining more space is to get rid of him. Sorry, not sorry!

SheerLucks · 18/11/2023 00:55

Wow. Personally I probably wouldn't do this as my lovely memories are just that.

But your DH demanding you get rid is abhorrent!

Sarrho3 · 18/11/2023 01:15

It's also that you cannot, if he later regrets his actions, change what's been done. If you lose those things they can't be replaced. Definitely ask a member of the family to look after them for you. I'm sure there's someone kind, even if not family, who would do this for you.

TammyJones · 18/11/2023 06:21

Rhaenys · 18/11/2023 00:17

Anyone wanting to just throw away their baby’s hospital bracelet or scan photo is just straight up weird.

Each to their own, but after 30 years there so many more memories.
You can't keep them all
I'm proud to display the latest grandchild's scan on my fridge, but it will be replaced (and chucked) by a new baby picture.
My house would over flow if I get all these things.
I like to stay current
Out with the old - in with the new.

Like people have said hospitals bands and first tooth no - christening grows are usually family hair looms, so definitely kept.

TammyJones · 18/11/2023 06:23

**Christening gowns are kept and used - passed down the family.

user1492757084 · 18/11/2023 06:28

You have purchased the boxes and want to keep them so why are you now allowing yourself to be bullied?
Show a better example to your kids and do things that are important to you.
Why does the bully husband even get to know about the special boxes if he doesn't treasure them?
You are entitled to as much storage space as he has.

If you don't have as much as you'd like, hire out a storage container.
Do you ever get rid of his treasures?
This is abuse. Recognise it and do not be a victim.

Thegreatestgroaner · 18/11/2023 07:39

Put them all back in the boxes and tell him to fuck off.

Carlosi456 · 18/11/2023 08:05

The very few things I've kept from my now 25 year olds childhood are vaguely scattered around my tiny house. I get your husband isn’t a sentimentalist but surely as a couple you work to respect one another's feelings?
P.S. I am resolutely single and gain ridiculous emotional positives from occasionally alighting on that first baby grow/ school report.

ChaToilLeam · 18/11/2023 08:53

What would happen if you put everything back in the boxes and said: no, DH, I am keeping these for the kids?

The answer will tell you everything you need to know.

Sugaristheenemy · 18/11/2023 09:16

Can’t you just tell him to jog on?

Buffalo707 · 18/11/2023 09:37

I’ve suffered with anxiety and poor emotional regulation my whole life, and never knowing why. I struggle to let things go, train tickets to days out, receipts etc. I’ve kept almost every single piece of artwork my son has produced. It wasn’t until I had regression therapy that it came to light my struggles began with an incident where I’d spent all day making a Christmas card for for my stepdad and when I handed it to him with a smile on my face, he took it, screwed it up and threw it in the bin ‘as a joke’. My mum said I was inconsolable and although she did stand up for me at the time and tell him off for his ‘joke’, the feeling of rejection or fear of future rejection has stayed with me into my forties. The fact your husband has so readily thrown out your childrens artwork but demands to display his mothers, is selfish and extremely damaging to his children. If you think he is controlling or not, he is at the very least, disrespectful. Your children deserve their keepsakes and having already faced the rejection of their efforts from their dad, it is YOUR responsibility to ensure you safeguard their belongings and efforts. STAND YOUR GROUND. Your children won’t thank you for backing dad on such an important issue! These are things they cannot get back if you don’t step in and hold firm again your husbands disrespect. My dad also recently died and my stepmum threw all his belongings without giving us so much as a trinket. I struggle daily not having those tangible memories to help feel closer to my dad. Your husband is causing damage beyond what you might imagine. I hope you
are in time to salvage these things for your kids.

Jojofjo44 · 18/11/2023 10:44

Why is your husbands opinion the law of your house? I'd look at the imbalance of your relationship with him if he gets to control you in this way.
Pack the stuff back into the keepsake boxes and find somewhere to store them, maybe outside the home in a storage centre or with relatives until you sort this out with him. Use that backbone that you have.

Mba1974 · 18/11/2023 10:46

I don’t understand why this is a conversation, at all. I have all the things you mention… plus the Moses basket, all the wooden toys, the travel cot and a multitude of other things for grandchildren… just as my mum did. I didn’t ask…. My husband wouldn’t keep half of it but I wasn’t asking permission. This is being kept… an eye roll on his side… end of discussion. Marriage is of course a compromise but there are some things that aren’t. And if you would keep these things if it was just you, then you keep them.

gmor6787 · 18/11/2023 11:16

What a miserable sod. It’s your house too so do what you want.

SpiralHecate · 18/11/2023 11:38

Put the memory boxes back together, then store them where he won't notice them. Nothing wrong with putting your own foot down from time to time.

Sunandsea26 · 18/11/2023 12:51

Kitkat189 · 16/11/2023 12:37

I recently did a big clear out at home and finally got around to creating little memory boxes for my children, with things like their christening gowns, first haircut, hospital id badges, ultrasound pictures, one or two special outfits - you get the idea. One of my daughters joined in and added a few items which are special to her (leavers shirt from school, acceptance letter to secondary). I laundered, ironed, mended, ordered acid free tissue paper to wrap clothing in, tied with ribbons blah blah. The boxes were purchased from a company which specialises in keepsake boxes. About 45x30 cm so slightly larger than a big shoebox

husband was so annoyed with how much space these boxes took up and wanted them
gone. He doesn’t see any point to keeping any of this. All he had to say was ‘I would never have bought those [boxes]’.

I feel ridiculously hurt by this. We’ve kept an absolute minimum of baby things over the years, husband took everything straight to oxfam as soon as he could and we only kept a few special items. I just wanted some memories for my children for when they leave home. Something tangible to remember their childhood. Husbands parents never did this for him, maybe that’s why he is so unsentimental.

This morning was spent emptying the boxes and putting a few of the things in a small bin bag which can fit under one of the children’s beds. All the carefully wrapped clothes and christening gowns are just lying around now, soon to be disposed of I assume.

Help me get over this. I don’t know why I am so attached to these things and why I feel so upset, he feels differently about these things and I should be able to accept it but I can’t!!

Do NOT let him get rid of them!!! why is his opinion more important than yours?! Absolutely ridiculous, you aren’t keeping reams of stuff! Stand your ground on this one. I’d politely be telling my DH to F off of it was mine.

Sarrho3 · 18/11/2023 13:44

Buffalo707 you are absolutely right - and I feel really sorry hearing your unhappy story. You are absolutely clear and correct - these things matter terribly.

Diddlyumptious · 18/11/2023 13:53

What a shit. Do what you want to! Just because he doesn't see any point dorsbt mean you have to agree. Your children will love this, mine did. Good luck

Pinkfluff76 · 18/11/2023 15:32

WTF?! Why does he get HIS way? They’re small boxes and what a waste of your time effort and money
Your husband sounds like a thoughtless wanker

Retired65 · 18/11/2023 19:41

Can't you put the memory boxes in the loft?

RachelFuchsalot · 18/11/2023 19:43

ChaToilLeam · 18/11/2023 08:53

What would happen if you put everything back in the boxes and said: no, DH, I am keeping these for the kids?

The answer will tell you everything you need to know.

Or if you said "no, DH, I am keeping these because I want to"?

DaNcInGtEqUiLaCaT · 18/11/2023 19:43

Possessions don't matter. Take a photo of the items and put them in a digital folder that no one will ever look at.
I'm team husband 😂.
He is teaching your children a valuable lesson.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 18/11/2023 19:53

DaNcInGtEqUiLaCaT · 18/11/2023 19:43

Possessions don't matter. Take a photo of the items and put them in a digital folder that no one will ever look at.
I'm team husband 😂.
He is teaching your children a valuable lesson.

Teaching them that their wishes don’t matter and his word is the be all and end all is a valuable lesson?

DaNcInGtEqUiLaCaT · 18/11/2023 20:07

Don't be a drama lama 😂. In 50 years all the things you own will belong to someone else. Things don't matter.
Do they really care, or is it because it's what Mum wants? I doubt she cares that much or she would have stuck them up the loft in the special boxes.