Husband refuses to keep sentimental items for our children

[Kitkat189]

I recently did a big clear out at home and finally got around to creating little memory boxes for my children, with things like their christening gowns, first haircut, hospital id badges, ultrasound pictures, one or two special outfits - you get the idea. One of my daughters joined in and added a few items which are special to her (leavers shirt from school, acceptance letter to secondary). I laundered, ironed, mended, ordered acid free tissue paper to wrap clothing in, tied with ribbons blah blah. The boxes were purchased from a company which specialises in keepsake boxes. About 45x30 cm so slightly larger than a big shoebox

husband was so annoyed with how much space these boxes took up and wanted them
gone. He doesn’t see any point to keeping any of this. All he had to say was ‘I would never have bought those [boxes]’.

I feel ridiculously hurt by this. We’ve kept an absolute minimum of baby things over the years, husband took everything straight to oxfam as soon as he could and we only kept a few special items. I just wanted some memories for my children for when they leave home. Something tangible to remember their childhood. Husbands parents never did this for him, maybe that’s why he is so unsentimental.

This morning was spent emptying the boxes and putting a few of the things in a small bin bag which can fit under one of the children’s beds. All the carefully wrapped clothes and christening gowns are just lying around now, soon to be disposed of I assume.

Help me get over this. I don’t know why I am so attached to these things and why I feel so upset, he feels differently about these things and I should be able to accept it but I can’t!!

Huh? Just say no. You're keeping them.

Fuck that! Put all the things back and tell your not very DH where to go. He sounds vile.

I would not put up with this. Why should he tell you what you & your dc should keep? They're not his items to throw out.
Has he got personal stuff taking up any space?
Can't you put the boxes under their beds instead of the bin bags?
Don't be meek & give in, it's your home too. I could understand it if you are a massive hoarder, but a couple of boxes with memories of a special time in your life? Keep them, wrapped up as you intended.

Why on earth have you emptied the boxes? Put everything back and tell him to go fuck himself. I am furious on your behalf OP, is he this controlling about everything? I couldn’t be married to somebody like that.

This has made me feel really upset for some reason. I just can't imagine my DH behaving like this. He'd be touched I'd gone to the effort of doing it.

You need to clarify who unpacked the boxes.

Was it just one comment that he wouldn't have bought the boxes which has now escalated into the boxed being emptied? How? What happened?

OP what the hell? Why are you allowing him to decide this? How do the kids feel? He sounds like a heartless monster.

In what other way does he bully you? Bullies don’t usually stop at one thing.
Stand up for yourself!

Horrible man. I’m totally unsentimental and have never kept anything as an adult because I had the job of going through my grandads stuff (which included his mothers too) and it was so difficult to sort through somebody else’s sentimental things. It took YEARS throwing away/putting photos in books etc etc. it really put me off having any possessions of my own so lived totally minimally all my adult life. I’ve now got my son though and as soon as I became pregnant started a little
box. I think it’s important to keep a very small amount of sentimental things so your husband is being an arse. Why does his opinion even matter here? I’d totally understand if it was a lot of things.

Why are you allowing him to dictate to you like this? There is no way anyone would make me get rid of my DS's things like this.

Your husband doesn't feel sentimental about physical things, that's fine. Perhaps he just values the memories rather than the stuff. Everyone is different!
But I don't understand why you unpacked the boxes?! Nothing to stop you keeping the things for yourself or for the children. Why did you decide to get rid of them?

Tell him to fuck off to the furthest side of fuck! He’s a controlling arsehole!

Keep your boxes x

I completely agree with everyone else - put the boxes back together and store them safely. Just because he doesn't think they're important doesn't mean he gets to decide that they've to go - what an obnoxious bully. My DH is far from perfect (me too), but he would never try to domineer in this way, it's awful. Particularly bad as your children were engaged in putting together the memory boxes - that's a memory he's trying to destroy right there.

This is so sad. Your husband isn't bothered about hanging onto this stuff. But you are! You have every right to keep your children's sentimental items. Tell him "we" aren't keeping anything - "I am". It's not up to him. Don't you have any say in your own home? If that's the case there is a lot more problems than memory boxes.

I’d be telling him to fuck off and keeping them. Why is his opinion the only option? Is he controlling normally?

I would put the boxes in my wardrobe or on top and tell him to mind his own business. Does he always dictate what you do?

My DH rolls his eyes at some of the stuff I've kept for sentimental value but he'd never insist I got rid of anything. The only time he gently suggested that it was time to cull was when we were having a clear out and we had two boxes of DD's nursery 'drawings'. Which was quite a fair point! Definitely put everything back in the box!

There's a difference in keeping stacks of clothes and furniture that your kids are never going to use again and little momentos of their childhood and important events.

I have memory boxes for both my kids, DP thinks it's pointless but he'd never say as much. He knows it's something that means a lot to me and I'd tell him exactly where to stick it. Men don't have sentimental attachments to things the same way women do

He can have his opinion but ultimately if it's something you & the children want then that's you're choice. They're small boxes for goodness sake, my hubby grumbles about things I keep but would never tell me to get rid, & believe me I've kept lots of sentimental stuff, clothes, memory bits, first shoes, pram blanket etc. There's a good few boxes in the attic & a couple under our bed i add to as & when. Resemble the boxes & tell him your keeping them, end of story 🤷

You’re the mother. They’re also your memories so you decide - not him. Men are not sentimental (generally) but I find they know we are so leave us to it. The fact he’s butting in and worse still, demanding you do away with the boxes is very troubling. I’d see to it that he was ditched, not the boxes of keepsakes.

Unless you have 50 children, the boxes can’t possibly be taking up so much space that they justify such controlling behaviour.

Put it all back. He’s not the boss of you. Or is he?
Dh and I aren’t sentimental, I have a baby book for each of the dc with their hospital bracelets and scan photos. They all wore the same first babygro in hospital so I’ve kept that. They’re more for me than the dc and 3 a4 books and a babygro don’t take up much room, don’t actually know where they are!
Are you incredibly limited on space in your house? I don’t understand why you’re just bowing to his demands. What’s going on here?

He would be going before those few bits & pieces.

its not like you've kept everything they've ever had!

Both of you need to get a grip

He needs to be more understanding
And
You need to get a backbone

Get the items and repack them. If he says anything to you tell him 'that's your opinion and I have mine' and that's the end of that

Stop letting him bully you and take those things to family/friends who will keep them safe until you deal with the situation of him being an absolute cunt.