Husband refuses to keep sentimental items for our children

[Kitkat189]

I recently did a big clear out at home and finally got around to creating little memory boxes for my children, with things like their christening gowns, first haircut, hospital id badges, ultrasound pictures, one or two special outfits - you get the idea. One of my daughters joined in and added a few items which are special to her (leavers shirt from school, acceptance letter to secondary). I laundered, ironed, mended, ordered acid free tissue paper to wrap clothing in, tied with ribbons blah blah. The boxes were purchased from a company which specialises in keepsake boxes. About 45x30 cm so slightly larger than a big shoebox

husband was so annoyed with how much space these boxes took up and wanted them
gone. He doesn’t see any point to keeping any of this. All he had to say was ‘I would never have bought those [boxes]’.

I feel ridiculously hurt by this. We’ve kept an absolute minimum of baby things over the years, husband took everything straight to oxfam as soon as he could and we only kept a few special items. I just wanted some memories for my children for when they leave home. Something tangible to remember their childhood. Husbands parents never did this for him, maybe that’s why he is so unsentimental.

This morning was spent emptying the boxes and putting a few of the things in a small bin bag which can fit under one of the children’s beds. All the carefully wrapped clothes and christening gowns are just lying around now, soon to be disposed of I assume.

Help me get over this. I don’t know why I am so attached to these things and why I feel so upset, he feels differently about these things and I should be able to accept it but I can’t!!

He’s completely unreasonable and I am an entirely unsentimental person and keep barely anything.

Outrageous. He’s got some issues he needs to deal with. Can you keep it at a relatives house?

Oh god never let any prick dictate like that - it would be the boxes or the marriage personally

Why does he get to decide if you keep them or not? Just tell him your keeping them he can like it or lump it.

I have to be honest OP, your DH is a total dick and I don’t know why you are letting him bully you. Take all the stuff you want and put it back in the boxes, then stash with strict instructions that he will be going to oxfam next permanently if he touches them. This is 2023 not the stone ages, total twat!

I agree with this. Why shouldn't you have some space at home for keepsakes. Make him understand how important these are cos once they're gone you can't get them back.

I feel so sad about this. Those boxes are not large and it sounds like it meant something to your daughter too. Yoy are not at all unreasonable, but caring & thoughtful. My daughter (now 17) loves her memory boxes. I can't understand why your husband gets to dictate - sounds abusive to me. I hope you put the boxes back together & keep them. And find a way to stand up to your husband. Its a terrible thing for your children to see him dominating you like this.

Why is he the boss? So confused. My husband isn’t massively sentimental. Moved around a lot when younger and has hardly any stuff from when he was young. I keep loads of stuff for kids and if he told me not to I would literally laugh in his face! The fact he could tell me I could / couldn’t do something is bonkers. We are an equal partnership if something is important to me he respects that.

My parents both recently died and it’s been an absolute joy finding all of our old stuff which they kept. Even my hospital name band, old school reports, favourite toys etc. Been lovely to reminisce. My son is now playing with my 40 year old baby doll as I type

Our daughter died recently. When we cleared her house we found many momentoes and photographs of happier times. This included a box of our grandson's clothes, first shoes, first drawings etc, you name it and it was in this box. You cannot imagine how comforting this was for us.
Please hang onto your keepsakes, you never know when you or someone else might take great comfort from them.

Why are you bowing down to him and letting him trample all over your ideals?

If he likes lobster but you don't- Would you then still eat it?

I am so sick of hearing about all these husband's dictating what a lot of the women do on here! I seriously want to turn up at these houses and wipe the floor with the husband and point out they should be privileged another woman, other than their Mother, is putting up with them.

Tell him to piss off, OP and put the boxes back where they were! Tell him if he touches your memories you'll put him in a box and burie him!

So why are you giving in to this bully!!!! Have you no say or backbone. You sadly are showing your children your weaknesses and they will probably follow your actions. Get in there and repack your memory boxes and store them safely. You need to be strong and stand up to him from this day forward. Best wishes xxx

Screw him, put everything back in the boxes!!

Please do this before it’s too late. Your children will remember what a shit he’s been. I hope he’s proud of himself.

Why are you writing this here and not telling him? He needs to respect that you’ve taken the time to do this and it has sentimental value to you and your children. It doesn’t really matter what he thinks, it’s not his concern. He sounds really controlling and frankly you’re enabling him if you don’t stick up for yourself. You need to demand that he respects the effort you’ve put in. You don’t need his permission to keep the boxes. I would be telling him to fuck off personally.

All the carefully wrapped clothes and christening gowns are just lying around now, soon to be disposed of I assume You assume? You act like you have no autonomy. Grow a backbone or put up and shut up. Your choice.

He likes to keep his own stuff and doesn’t care about getting rid of their items because they aren’t his and he’s selfish.

My husband is VERY non-sentimental, and he would not give a crap if I made memory boxes for our children. As in, he would say oh that’s nice. He would NEVER make me get rid of anything and certainly not things our children want to keep. That IS controlling. And you’ve backed down easily and I find it incredibly odd. I’d have told my husband to back off and carried on.

You are allowed to have things you want OP. So are your children.

You need to put everything back in the boxes, get over the fact that you feel hurt (puzzled) and remember that you’re doing it for your children. My DH can be a bit like this and although he won’t understand why it means a lot to me/kids, he will understand that it does!

These are important things for your children, and they need to know that you are standing up for them.

I hope he sees reason.

Well obviously your husband is a disgusting controlling human skid stain isn’t he. Time to grow a back bone and do what is best for you and your children. His opinions are 100% irrelevant

Don't let him do this ! It's not as if the keepsakes need a room of their own. Fill the boxes again and put them out of his sight. They will mean so much to your children

What a fucking selfish horrible twat he sounds... and you sound totally browbeaten into submission which is very sad (stand up for yourself for god's sake!).

I'd throw all his sentimental crap in the bin too. No room in the house for this either dear, sorry!

Does he even like his children, because it doesn't sound like it?

Dick.

He sounds completely selfish. Just ignore him & carry on. If you are afraid he will bin them when you are out, find someone else's house where you know they will be safe. But you shouldn't really need to do this. I know how important things like this are to us mums. Good luck.

Personally I am not at all sentimental about this stuff but what is disturbing about this is that it is clearly so important to you and yet he seems to take pleasure in destroying it.

Don’t be such a walkover!

I do not have anything from my childhood or adolescence. Not one photo, drawing, homemade decoration, item of clothing, or loved teddy bear. It absolutely breaks my heart that I don't have any physical link to my past and nothing to show my children.
I would love to have a memory box like this, and I think you should fight tooth and nail to keep them for your kids.