Husband refuses to keep sentimental items for our children

[Kitkat189]

I recently did a big clear out at home and finally got around to creating little memory boxes for my children, with things like their christening gowns, first haircut, hospital id badges, ultrasound pictures, one or two special outfits - you get the idea. One of my daughters joined in and added a few items which are special to her (leavers shirt from school, acceptance letter to secondary). I laundered, ironed, mended, ordered acid free tissue paper to wrap clothing in, tied with ribbons blah blah. The boxes were purchased from a company which specialises in keepsake boxes. About 45x30 cm so slightly larger than a big shoebox

husband was so annoyed with how much space these boxes took up and wanted them
gone. He doesn’t see any point to keeping any of this. All he had to say was ‘I would never have bought those [boxes]’.

I feel ridiculously hurt by this. We’ve kept an absolute minimum of baby things over the years, husband took everything straight to oxfam as soon as he could and we only kept a few special items. I just wanted some memories for my children for when they leave home. Something tangible to remember their childhood. Husbands parents never did this for him, maybe that’s why he is so unsentimental.

This morning was spent emptying the boxes and putting a few of the things in a small bin bag which can fit under one of the children’s beds. All the carefully wrapped clothes and christening gowns are just lying around now, soon to be disposed of I assume.

Help me get over this. I don’t know why I am so attached to these things and why I feel so upset, he feels differently about these things and I should be able to accept it but I can’t!!

Sounds like an issue worth leaving him over. Riding roughshod over your emotions like this is unacceptable behaviour. You own these things, you want to keep them. If he throws them out, that’s the end. He an abuser.

I found room for your boxes. Just move the buckets behind the hoovers and there'll be room for them to live between the take a break magazine collection and grannies trinkets.

Hi.I never comment on here but this hit a nerve. My mother had a box like this for me. My father and her argued about something one day and long story short it all ended up in a bin. I would have loved having little mementos of my childhood. I have been upset about this for years. Please leave this decision to your kids. If they want to keep the items or not. Can you store them in a family members attic in a big plastic container? Or your own attic or garage? I’m sorry your husband has put you in this position. I’m assuming there’s a reason like he can’t get into his side of the wardrobe or something. The issue is more about where to store them. Not if you should store them. Sending love. Get them all packed up again this weekend. X

I feel really sad for you. If I were you I would simply hide them amongst my own things - let the boxes go - that's what he was complaining about the most. Perhaps you could leave these items with a trusted friend or family member? That's what I'd do. I would really be shaken by his attitude. It doesn't surprise me how you feel. Thank God my other half isn't like that! Wishing you the very best.

We've lots of OHs family antiques. Some I dislike. I've got one piece that he occasionally says should go. I refuse. His mother was not sentimental I had to rescue family photos from the bin when FIL died. Every time they moved it was all new furniture for her except the pieces she was banned from getting rid of.

Christening gowns get passed down for grandchildren when they arrive.

Sounds like this man had a mother who didn't value sentimentality

Oh that's not on!
I don't think men understand ( massive generalisation,sorry)
Mine dumped all sorts of stuff important to me,back in the 70s. Even before we had the children. My Rolling Stones memorabilia and my collection of blue and white China.He didn't keep his stuff even threw out his work from art college which I would have liked to have seen.
I didn't really forgive,so resentful of his attitude.
I hope you have managed to keep your precious things op.

If you flip the situation and he had done something that he cared about and you came along and trampled all over it, how would you feel? I’m guessing you wouldn’t do it to him. He needs to respect your values.

If he's controlling about just one issue, he's still controlling. control is not a question of degrees, it's either/or. He's controlling you, and if you look closely you'll notice it in other areas of your marriage.

Hang on, he wanted them gone so they were gone? And you had no say in this? I thought your post was going to be that you were arguing about it, not that you’d got rid of them, there’s no way I would have got rid of something so precious.

But why is it up to him what you keep at what you throw? I don’t understand why you have abandoned your plans? Tell him to fuck off.

Annoyed with something the size of a shoebox taking up too much space? He needs to give his head a good shake.

I don’t really u set stand any of this. Do you have an exceptionally small flat/house meaning that these things were somewhere on display as opposed to stored? How does he even know you did this? Why does he think that it is his place to say what can/can’t be kept? Why did you take them out of the box when he is clearly being so odd? This is one of the oddest threads I’ve ever read on MN.

*understand

I feel for you. I can imagine your sadness.

I would be so upset if my DH did this.

Luckily the loft is my responsibility, we had it boarded as soon as we movein in to our current house and it has a lot of old photos, Halloween & Xmas decorations then mine & kids memory boxes.
DH doesn't have much from his childhood, a lot was lost from the many house moves so he supports my "memory" hording.
Plus it helps its in the loft out the way where he can't see it lol.

Both my kids have a box with things from their birth right up to their recent birthdays and it includes photos, cards & a folder from each year of school with a few bits in that they have made/written/certificates.

I actually need a couple more boxes as their current ones are full....they are large plastic tubs I have for them and they will be offered the chance to look at them as they get older and once they are 18 they can decide what they want to keep.

I remember my mum showing me a box of things she kept, things we had made as kids, cards & a few items and I loved it. My kids love looking at old photos so I can imagine they will like looking at old bits from school etc.

Your daughter chose that leavers' jumper to put in. So he is dismissive of her feelings (not 'just' yours). Yet you somehow still think he is nice to his kids.

He is NOT nice to his kids. Is she by any chance the eldest girl? It's not unusual for abusive behaviour to start including the girls once they hit puberty and start having opinions.

Giving in is not 'compromising'.

Put YABU but only because you went ahead and unpacked it!! Of course you need to keep the sentimental bits and your husband is being very unreasonable for expecting you to get rid!!

Tell him to cop on and keep out of it If he doesn’t care about these things he can’t force his opinions on you and your children. Please don’t get rid of these precious things I’m adopted and would love to have a little pair of my baby booties Why do women seem to bow down to men’s opinions.

You have every right to keep these precious items as you carried and birthed your children! He didn't! I am concerned that he is not supportive over something that is clearly very important to you. You absolutely must NOT allow these things to be thrown out though. The size of box is not unreasonable. Could they sit on top of your wardrobe?

I think you’re both bloody weird!

You're right that happened in my family

That’s so sad. Just the kind of thread that makes me think thank God I’m single and not stuck with one of the many evident arseholes out there putting restrictions and rules in place and causing so much misery.

I’m sorry but I find your post terribly disturbing. And I feel so sad not just for you, but for your children.
My DH is a hoarder, which I personally find tricky. 5 copies of the same Evening Standard anyone?
There are reasons behind it, so I am sensitive to his needs.
But in anyone’s book, little momentos of precious life stages, of course you should keep them. If your DH struggles with this, perhaps he should see a counsellor to unpack why he wants to deny his own children their history.

Anyone wanting to just throw away their baby’s hospital bracelet or scan photo is just straight up weird.

‘Compromise’ is not you giving in and he gets to keep everything that is meaningful to him. If you have to get rid of clothes that mean something to you, then he should also get rid of something - piece of furniture? See how he feels then. He’s being ridiculous and selfish on this issue.

This!! Are you sure he’s not deep-down abusive OP? It may be tricky to recognise if you’re too in it.