Husband refuses to keep sentimental items for our children

[Kitkat189]

I recently did a big clear out at home and finally got around to creating little memory boxes for my children, with things like their christening gowns, first haircut, hospital id badges, ultrasound pictures, one or two special outfits - you get the idea. One of my daughters joined in and added a few items which are special to her (leavers shirt from school, acceptance letter to secondary). I laundered, ironed, mended, ordered acid free tissue paper to wrap clothing in, tied with ribbons blah blah. The boxes were purchased from a company which specialises in keepsake boxes. About 45x30 cm so slightly larger than a big shoebox

husband was so annoyed with how much space these boxes took up and wanted them
gone. He doesn’t see any point to keeping any of this. All he had to say was ‘I would never have bought those [boxes]’.

I feel ridiculously hurt by this. We’ve kept an absolute minimum of baby things over the years, husband took everything straight to oxfam as soon as he could and we only kept a few special items. I just wanted some memories for my children for when they leave home. Something tangible to remember their childhood. Husbands parents never did this for him, maybe that’s why he is so unsentimental.

This morning was spent emptying the boxes and putting a few of the things in a small bin bag which can fit under one of the children’s beds. All the carefully wrapped clothes and christening gowns are just lying around now, soon to be disposed of I assume.

Help me get over this. I don’t know why I am so attached to these things and why I feel so upset, he feels differently about these things and I should be able to accept it but I can’t!!

I put you are being unreasonable purely because you are taking that crap from your DH. I have those boxes for my 3 children , why would you not tell him where to go. Do you have any say in your household at all??

Precious little bits and pieces from their childhood. He doesn’t get to decide what you wish to keep.

Just keep and ignore them. They can be thoughtless a lot of the time

Dh was the same and from speaking to friends most men are the same. My mum was a declutterer resulting in me only having a few school projects and rosettes that I’d kept (there was never going to be a chance of me having baby stuff!), all toys, comics etc thrown out. Don’t let them be thrown out x

Cant be asked to read the whole thread but it looks like OP is thinking that she has a "good marriage" and a "good father and husband" on her hands. Funny - I thought she was some sort of a servant or something, with no free will of her own.

But seriously - how can anyone throw away YOUR stuff? How can anyone decide what you, a grown up, reasonable (I assume) and intelligent person, decide to keep? Do you not not what to say? Wind your neck in, its none of your fucking business, fuck off, you are not the boss of me? I can come up with a few more. Stop being a sheep.

My DH is a bit like this too, the other day he threw out a baby blanket I had kept for 8 years...by the time he mentioned it, it was long gone. I wanted to cry!
But I do think for some people sentimentality can be uncomfortable. Even good memories can come with pain because you remember what you once had, like a tiny baby who is now growing way too fast and those days are gone. So for the exact reasons you want to keep those things, it could be that (even subconsciously) your DH doesn't like the idea of having that constant reminder of "emotional stuff". Men I think are especially like this.
However, from your perspective, it can feel like he just doesn't care, which must feel so hurtful. He needs to respect what is important to you, and should understand you put that effort in because it really means something. So I understand why you can't just "get over it"...that only adds to your feelings being dismissed as unimportant. And they are so important!!

This

He’s the only rubbish that needs binning.

I think it’s fair to say we all hate his guts now.

Wow you let him make you unpack them?! That’s so wrong!! It’s a lovely idea and he’s a prick. They sound tiny and can’t take up that much room. He’s a controlling arsehole.

OP your post makes me feel so sad, the way you obediently unpacked the memory boxes. He has zero right to decide what you keep of yours, and before throwing away anything sentimental of your children's he needs to discuss that with you.

I have probably kept too much stuff from my son and daughter's childhood, I hate letting go of things, but you only wanted to keep one memory box per child, what harm is that! Everyone needs some mementos and you need to defend that stuff. Bin the husband instead, at the very least stand your ground.

How very strange!!
I've read all your comments, OP, and I just can't get my head around him being like that, especially, as you say, he has sentimental objects, too!
But, I really think you should stand your ground and put everything back in the boxes for your DC. It's part of their history and something for them to look back on in the future, maybe even share with their children!
If DH starts again, then start at him for all the junk he keeps around!
I can't believe people who are so nasty that they'd just bin their DCs artwork where the DC could see it!!

Oh blimey @Kitkat189 you are totally unreasonable to just roll over and do as you're told to mollify him like that! 2 or 3 shoeboxes is not an unreasonable amount of stuff to store. Though if you're someone who has fostered hundreds of kids and have done one for each, or you live in an actual shoe box he may have a point!

Simply ask him why he seems so dismissive of your children's early years. Tell him you would have loved to have that memory of your mom. Do not give in on this issue.

I am not that sentimental and don’t like to keep or acumulate much stuff but will respect children and husband if they want to keep stuff; unless it is too much and there is not much space.

Is he controlling? Upset because you spent money on the boxes and special paper?

We have memory boxes and they are now huge full of various items we’ve kept over the years. My husband gets frustrated with things taking up loft space (man thing I think) but we all add to these and go through them once a year. Nice to reminisce and show our children what we have kept, especially when they were babies. I would personally tell him to get stuffed. He’s being a moron and sounds like he is void of any feeling.

I'd hide the sentimental stuff he's kept & tell him you've removed everything as there's no room for any sentimental items in the house.

Can you pack all your stuff up & store it somewhere else ? In case he comes across it & throws them out at a later stage

Definitely put the things back in the boxes like you had them and tell him you like it so it stays. end of.

The ONLY thing that matters is YOU like it.

Some people don't like any clutter or extra stuff and don't attach feelings to objects - that's fair enough. Perhaps your husband is one of those people. I think though when it's clear that this is something that means a lot to you I don't think it's fair to dictate that it's not ok to hang onto these precious keepsakes. You are living together so he should compromise on this one.

I’ve got a bigger box with my puppy’s items like first collars, bandanas etc. Do not let him get rid of these, you will never forgive him

I would be raging. His stuff would be going first.
Is he a bully?

How dare he!!!

Dispose of him not the boxes!

I think it's a lovely idea and I've done the same for my kids. I've got nothing from my childhood and it feels a bit shit

Please don’t do it, you will so regret it. Your children will love those things and their memories when they are older.
He is just being so mean

Stand in front of him and repeat after me:

”Piss off you miserable shit. You worry about your own belongings and we’ll worry about ours.” Then give him the ‘shoo’ hand

Do not get rid of the stuff, you’ll regret it. Don’t let yourself be bullied into getting rid, you don’t need his permission to keep them.