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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Husband taking a trip after daughter had accident

376 replies

36londonmum · 14/11/2023 22:55

My daughter fell over and really injured herself, so is unable to get around without any kind of assistance. My husband had booked a golf trip with his friends prior to this happening and he still wants to go and leave me with both kids for nearly a week. It’s going to be extremely difficult for me to juggle all school pick ups and everything else that entails! I work full time and have a side job. I really wanted to know, AIBU?!

OP posts:

Mirrormeback · 14/11/2023 23:49

I would just book a holiday somewhere for myself for a week and leave him to do everything in the New Year

M103 · 14/11/2023 23:53

YANBU. I would be unhappy as well. And I wouldn't want to leave my 5 year old with a broken leg with a full cast for a whole week.

TheChosenTwo · 14/11/2023 23:55

i wouldn’t expect my dh to stay home for this from a trip that had been paid for already. If something came up last minute though he wouldn’t go.
she’s not poorly, she might need some extra fetching and carrying etc but logistically you were going to have to be around for the kids more while he was away. They’re not babies either.
Dh and I have both had breaks away from the family since our kids were younger than the ops kids, not even for anything as structured as ‘a sporting holiday’ but just actual holidays!
Do you celebrate your anniversary normally?

Copperoliverbear · 14/11/2023 23:55

Let him go, when he comes back, have your suitcase packed and leave for a week, book yourself a week in the sun for when he comes back

flippyfloppy · 14/11/2023 23:58

Suck it up, such is life... so sorry about your daughter, but quite easy could have been other away around. One week, crack on x

UnNiddeRides · 15/11/2023 00:08

He was already going away on your anniversary and the accident has no bearing on that. Presumably you also had plans for the school run during his absence.
She just has to be carried up some steps into the house so that she can use the frame, then upstairs at bedtime. Most doorways/staircases are only wide enough for one person so it’s doable unless she’s a hefty 5yr old.

Stringagal · 15/11/2023 00:09

A golf trip to where? Would travel insurance cover it?

Caerulea · 15/11/2023 00:13

36londonmum · 14/11/2023 23:39

I didn’t want to add because not sure if relevant but it’s also over our wedding anniversary, which he said was fine because we never celebrate anyway :(

😳 I think I might know why you don't usually celebrate it

Onabench · 15/11/2023 00:17

I’d make it work. The work is the same really. 1 child just needs a bit more physical support.

crumblingschools · 15/11/2023 00:21

Can’t imagine DH going on holiday in those circumstances, but he wouldn’t have prioritised a hobby when DC were small. How hands on is he normally?

PrinnyPree · 15/11/2023 00:22

Christ we cancelled (a fully refundable) 4 night trip tomorrow because our cat deeply cut her leg, is on a course of antibiotics and I didn't want to leave my Mum to struggle to give her pills by herself...

I only have one 3 year old and even if he was a couple of years older there would be a cat in hells chance I would ever leave him for a week for my DH to deal with alone if he was that banged up, but yeah the fact its your anniversary too is bloody icing on the cake.

I can't believe the YANBU isn't a landslide, there must be some right golf cunt Dads floating around on the AIBU forum today.

charlotte361 · 15/11/2023 00:22

cant she get crutches?

Ponderingwindow · 15/11/2023 00:32

My dd had a bad injury a few years back. In the beginning she wasn’t allowed to shift position in the night without assistance. During the day she had extremely limited mobility. She needed assistance with everything including dressing, eating, trips to the bathroom, and bathing. Getting her to and from school was also very difficult. It was absolutely exhausting.

There is no chance my husband would have even gone on a work trip during that time.

if she is using a wheelchair and a zimmer frame I imagine you may be dealing with similar issues though maybe you are lucky and it’s not quite as bad, but it still can’t be great.

charlotte361 · 15/11/2023 00:34

Kids are very resilient and very adaptable. If it is a new injury she will still beshaken and helpless. Within a few days she will be hopping everywhere and doing handstands when you arent looking !!

GettingColdFeet · 15/11/2023 00:36

I would expect to have a proper conversation where my concerns felt heard. Maybe the holiday can't be changed, but I would be fucking livid if my husband handed me a babysitter's number as if that absolves him of all discussion or compromise.

BarryStyles · 15/11/2023 00:39

Omg these cool wives who wouldn’t bat an eyelid at doing a FT and a PT job plus all the school runs while looking after a 5 year old in a wheelchair and hubby goes on his golf jolly (don’t forget the blowjob while he’s waiting for his airport taxi!)

The child may not be able to be in school the whole time or any after school stuff, and as I remember it 5 year olds aren’t known for happily sitting quietly for hours while mum works (remember lockdown homeschooling and working anyone?)

Of course if it was the other way round, all the mums would skip off for a golf trip in the same circs leaving DH to get in with it. It’s already booked after all - what’s all the fuss? Yeah right.

OP YADNBU, of course.

BarryStyles · 15/11/2023 00:43

@PrinnyPree 🤣 Golf Cunt Dads should be on a t-shirt. And I hope your cat’s ok.

MonsteraMama · 15/11/2023 00:46

Aaah golf again. The world's wankiest hobby.

And the coolwives and golf wankers out in force defending a man prioritising hitting balls with a stick over his wife and young children, one of whom is incapacitated and wheelchair bound currently. Such low bars.

I'm sure he'll be absolutely fine with OP going on a week long jolly once he gets back and leaving him in charge of everything 🙄

DonnaBanana · 15/11/2023 00:49

If the shoe were on the other foot and it were you going away, would you cancel the trip in this situation? That’s the answer here also

PrinnyPree · 15/11/2023 00:51

@BarryStyles 😅 she's fine the little PITA. Cone of shame lasted all of 5 minutes and she's sulking at me as she can't comprehend why I'm torturing her twice a day with pills, nor why I haven't resumed butler duties of opening the back door so she can go outside and re-injure her leg...

Runnerinthenight · 15/11/2023 00:53

Would he actually be any use if he was at home?

Or are we talking chocolate teapot territory?

Superduper02 · 15/11/2023 00:55

36londonmum · 14/11/2023 23:39

I didn’t want to add because not sure if relevant but it’s also over our wedding anniversary, which he said was fine because we never celebrate anyway :(

Tbh OP, presumably you agreed to him going on this trip in the first place over your anniversary weekend. Bottom line, y'all need to work on getting back on the save wavelength. I would never have agreed to a trip over 3 days with 2 young kids and 2 different school runs. Do you both take trips away from the family? Or just him? On the basis that he's going for a longer break, I think you are feeling regretful for agreeing in the first place. I can understand his reluctance/disappointment in cancelling. Sounds like he was on to an absolute winner but you agreed. If there's free cancellation and not lost travel costs then I'd expect him to cancel but I'm afraid it doesn't sound like you are on the same wavelength anyway. Please keep communicating about this.

CandyLeBonBon · 15/11/2023 00:57

Bloody hell the responses on here!

My dp and I aren't married, don't live together and my kids aren't his and he STILL wouldn't fuck off on a trip in these circumstances!
Because he is a decent kind human being, and he'd want to offer some kindness and support!

Wow!

Yadnbu op

AliceMcK · 15/11/2023 00:59

YANBU

My DH recently left me with 2 sick children for a week (3 in total), one needing a lot of physical work and had to sleep with me for safety reasons, he didn’t want to go but couldn’t get out of it as it was work. If it had been a personal trip he would have cancelled straight away.

RantyAnty · 15/11/2023 01:04

He's being selfish and unkind. It's likely not the only way he is either.

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