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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband taking a trip after daughter had accident

376 replies

36londonmum · 14/11/2023 22:55

My daughter fell over and really injured herself, so is unable to get around without any kind of assistance. My husband had booked a golf trip with his friends prior to this happening and he still wants to go and leave me with both kids for nearly a week. It’s going to be extremely difficult for me to juggle all school pick ups and everything else that entails! I work full time and have a side job. I really wanted to know, AIBU?!

OP posts:
Noglitterallowed · 18/11/2023 23:07

These comments are wild! What do people
think that parents with children with disabilities do? You don’t just stop your lives? Do people think they just all
sit at home with each other 24/7?

no they deal with it -they make a plan they all still have a life.

this also isn’t the case this is literally a broken bone and a cast?
Christ on a bike some if the comments are wild saying he’s a shit dad etc 🤦‍♀️

Whiteday · 18/11/2023 23:12

Annajazz · 18/11/2023 22:56

Again, I have not said anyone should be grateful to their partner. I also agree that both parents are equally responsible for raising children and I certainly do not think it is a woman's responsibility. That's why I use the word parent. I think you are projecting your own thoughts and feelings and reading what you want rather than what is written. I am not responding again as I am not going to argue about or defend my opinion which is really valid to yours. I stand by what I wrote and I have a feeling you will continue to misread it

Your actually words were grateful! 🤦‍♀️

Whiteday · 18/11/2023 23:15

Noglitterallowed · 18/11/2023 23:07

These comments are wild! What do people
think that parents with children with disabilities do? You don’t just stop your lives? Do people think they just all
sit at home with each other 24/7?

no they deal with it -they make a plan they all still have a life.

this also isn’t the case this is literally a broken bone and a cast?
Christ on a bike some if the comments are wild saying he’s a shit dad etc 🤦‍♀️

I expect they slowly come to terms with it, this has been thrown at OP, unprepared s d worried, so wants her DH to support her?

Noglitterallowed · 18/11/2023 23:24

It’s a planned trip that was known about he hasn’t just said hey child has broke a leg but I’ve spoke to the lads today and I’m off to play golf tomorrow for a week? Unless I’ve missed something ……giving an opinion from someone that has actually been there (and a lot worse if we need to go into details) it’s actually not as bad as people think that’s my point and it could be a lot worse. As I’ve said to op she will be ok and she will rock it totally as the thought is much worse than the actual thing. It does sound scary but in reality it will not be as bad as your mind (or other people) make you think

Forgottenmypasswordagain · 18/11/2023 23:33

Not much of a partner or father is he. Keep the dc at home if need be.

Forgottenmypasswordagain · 18/11/2023 23:36

Oh sorry, just realized you have to go to work so keeping them home isn't an option.
Sorry OP, and hope you can get someone to stay with you to lend a hand until he is back.

crumblingschools · 19/11/2023 07:47

@Noglitterallowed maybe the OP, after having to parent with the ratio 90:10, thinks that maybe it’s time for DH to step up to the parenting plate rather than prioritising a jolly

pikkumyy77 · 19/11/2023 12:30

Why can’t people read? OP works two jobs and has two children. She is already stretched to the max—the family us stretched to the max. If the other parent prioritizes himself the cost is born by OP and the children in stress, wear and tear, and lost wages if she has to take time off. The fact that the children’s father and OP’s husband is indifferent to this is absolutely shocking to me. My wonderful dh would never have made that choice and I wouldn’t either if the roles were reversed. For some reason a ton of pick me girls or chill wives have decided that a lads golf trip is more important than family life but I think this is mostly a pose of disappointment and shame that your partners would treat you this way without a second thought. If your partners shit on you I guess its all any if us ate entitled to?

Picturesofowls · 19/11/2023 19:29

A bit worried about the number of people trivialising this. I think there are good arguments either side but those saying things like 'suck it up' or wondering why you're even posting... they need help and a dose of self esteem! They have clearly been treated like shit by men and told to expect to do everything.

Original poster
36londonmum · 09/07/2024 14:57

Update on this – the writing was on the wall and I filed for divorce.

OP posts:
ArdMhaca · 09/07/2024 15:05

Don’t blame you. 🌺

IncompleteSenten · 09/07/2024 15:07

36londonmum · 09/07/2024 14:57

Update on this – the writing was on the wall and I filed for divorce.

I think that was the right choice. A person who doesn't know when to prioritise their family doesn't deserve to be part of one.

PrinnyPree · 09/07/2024 15:08

36londonmum · 09/07/2024 14:57

Update on this – the writing was on the wall and I filed for divorce.

So sorry about what you had to go through, I'm guessing he went on his golf trip, I hope your daughter is feeling much better. Xx

There was a really lovely thread the other day on here about how much easier life was for a lot of women after they got divorced and got rid of their selfish/abusive husbands, I hope you get to read it. Well done for not tolerating his shit any longer. Xx

pikkumyy77 · 09/07/2024 15:53

I really think you have done the right thing: bith for yourself snd your children. You are teaching them that you are not a woman to be trifled with.And this is such an important, life defining, moment for them . I wish you do much good fortune!

SchoolQuestionnaire · 09/07/2024 15:55

Well done op!

I wonder if the selfish knobber still thinks the golf trip was worth it.

Incakewetrust · 09/07/2024 18:50

Well done 👏

MsRosley · 09/07/2024 23:51

Good for you, OP. What was his reaction?

Venice241 · 09/07/2024 23:58

Good decision. What an utter loser.

SaltyGod · 10/07/2024 16:25

Hello op, I remember your post.

Well done on ditching him, I imagine it might be tough in the process but your life will be so much better with him out of it. Congratulations!!

Maray1967 · 10/07/2024 16:28

Yes, I think this was the right way forward. I would have zero respect for a bloke who went off for a weekend on a situation like that.

Coconutter24 · 10/07/2024 17:25

36londonmum · 14/11/2023 23:39

I didn’t want to add because not sure if relevant but it’s also over our wedding anniversary, which he said was fine because we never celebrate anyway :(

If you don’t usually celebrate then no that information isn’t relevant.

Did you agree to the trip when it was initially brought up?

Noglitterallowed · 10/07/2024 19:40

This is what’s wrong with the world? Asking strangers advice online that will go full boar and you’ve now ended a marriage over a trip?

IncompleteSenten · 10/07/2024 19:50

This is what is right with the world.
Women coming together to say no its not OK that your husband fucks off on a jolly while you are left to struggle alone with your injured child in a big cast abd needing a wheelchair, your other child, two diffeent school pick ups, your two jobs and oh happy anniversary too love I'll raise a glass to you while I'm on my mini break.

Who wants women to put up with this shit and hates them talking to each other and realising they deserve better?

pikkumyy77 · 10/07/2024 19:58

Jesus! Yes! This is what is right with the world.! OP asked for support and got it!

Scammersarescum · 10/07/2024 20:03

Noglitterallowed · 10/07/2024 19:40

This is what’s wrong with the world? Asking strangers advice online that will go full boar and you’ve now ended a marriage over a trip?

Yeah it wasn't the trip tho was it.

It was because he's a selfish arse who doesn't give a shiny shit about his wife or kids.