Husband taking a trip after daughter had accident

[36londonmum]

My daughter fell over and really injured herself, so is unable to get around without any kind of assistance. My husband had booked a golf trip with his friends prior to this happening and he still wants to go and leave me with both kids for nearly a week. It’s going to be extremely difficult for me to juggle all school pick ups and everything else that entails! I work full time and have a side job. I really wanted to know, AIBU?!

He’s out of order for the trip anyway. Sounds like he likes to suit himself but wouldn’t want you to do likewise if it put him to any inconvenience.

Imagine being that shit of a dad that you'd rather go golfing with your mates than be there to help your injured child.
Waste of oxygen!
Blimey, she's broken her leg, not on life support.

I think your husband is being selfish, he should not leave you for days and nights when you have an injured child. Poor little thing, I do hope she recovers well and soon.

Well my opinion is that you would be dropping her anyway but he should have the kindness to offer to cancel, and should DEFINITELY cut the trip short at the least.
I hope you are all ok, it’s a awful shock.

Unreasonable and cruel.
No OP YANBU.
hes being selfish. Your daughter in wheelchair etc...even if you could cope..why should you? You apparently have a partner and he should be one and cancel trip

No i wouldn’t expect my dh to cancel a pre booked and paid for trip for this reason just because I would be busy after 3 pm. Does he normally do any of the school pick ups? At 5 years old I’d expect your dd to be pretty light so lifting and carrying wouldn’t be too much of a struggle

I think leaving you with two young kids for nearly a week so he can play golf is a selfish thing to do anyway but he definitely should have cancelled after your DD broke her leg. But men who play golf are invariably twats.

I really really hope your daughter is well soon, but....wouldn't you just be doing the same number of drop-offs etc. as you'd planned to anyway while DH was away?

If she’s wheelchair or zimmer then it’s a relatively serious break. Remember the leg will be sticking out in front of the wheelchair because it can’t be bent, it’s not just sitting in a chair , she will not be very manoeuvrable

Honestly I think people have no idea how disruptive having a child in a full cast is , basically it’s a complete change in routine for 8 weeks. No showers or baths (although OP you can get a plastic cast cover which works well once she is confident) plus non slip mats everywhere. Depending on the size of the cast toileting will need help. Even sitting at the table will be uncomfortable depending on the angle of the cast and height of the child/table. By week 6 you’ll be sorted but the first couple of weeks will be pretty traumatic . This is not a small thing.

It’s going to be extremely difficult for me to juggle all school pick ups

This bit is largely irrelevant as you would have had to do that anyway whilst he is away.

Given he's unlikely to change his mind (because he sounds like a selfish twat) you need to come up with ways to make it easier - access to the car park at the school, late arrival/early pick up, enlist your older child to do some of the fetching and carrying for their sister... the getting her up stairs will be difficult early on but bum shuffling up is a viable option.

Booking a week away yourself when he's back does sound appealing! Even just a couple of days.

Some harsh replies here. In the real world, any decent dad worth his salt would want to be there to support his child and partner. You’ll be told people had it worse and you should just cope, but that’s because this place is wild. Of course he should cancel. He can go another time when she’s better.

I would think he was an absolute rubbish, father and husband if he did that. Totally totally selfish.

I’m assuming manoeuvring a wheelchair on the school run will take more effort than the usual school run.

Is she able to do full hours at school?

Mn: How terrible I could never leave my injured child. He's terrible. Ltb
Also mn: book yourself a week away as soon as he gets back

I'm a single parent and I read these threads about husbands just for the astonishment and because It's appalling how sexism and inequality are still alive in the home. I don't know any mother who would think of leaving a five year old who needed them. The only men I know who would go away on these circumstances are married to women who assure them it's fine and to go off and have fun. Your husband sounds so disrespectful and so disengaged.

People need to pull their standards up off the floor. I wouldn’t even have to ask my DH to stay at home. I feel a bit sad for those who think it’s fine for their partner to leave for a week in these circumstances!

@Advicerequest but as a single parent, presumably you would need to cope alone if this happened to you?

@TeenDivided she isn’t a single parent, so…

Yes.
If it was the mum who booked a week trip away whilst in same situation....up in arms would be an understatement

I’m a believer in continuing to have your own life independent of a spouse/ partner. Keeping your own identity and avoiding co- dependence is healthy. Having said that, if I had a 5 year old who broke her leg/ had a full cast I would cancel a week away.

@TeenDivided isn't one of the benefits of being a couple is that you don’t have to cope alone

Gosh, it isn’t a race to the bottom. Poor OP.

I have a golf playing DH. He’d never take a week off to play golf in this way in the first place, because he’s not a knob. And if one of our children had a serious fall and needed constant care, of course he wouldn’t go on the trip. He’d be disappointed but of course he’d stay home. I wouldn’t even have to ask.

I’m all for time away and I do go away myself but there is no way I’d leave my DH alone in these circumstances.

I don't think my husband would want to go, and I'm a stay at home mum so that's without the work hours obligations.

A break that needs a wheelchair to support healing isn't a run of the mill injury. Is she even able to go to school and do full hours?

If he went it would be the end of our relationship, not because he'd done anything wrong as such but because it's not the way I choose to live, it would tell me that our values are not aligned. It's not cool-mum behaviour but we're a partnership.

For perspective my husband goes a bit too far the other way and was apologetic about having a night away for his Christmas do the same time as us petsitting my parents dog because he knows that's going to be extra work (the dog is a pain in the arse tbf).

I think he should cancel completely but at the very least he should cut the trip short and just go for a night or two. You are within your rights to ask him to do this OP. You don’t just have to accept this behaviour.

So the OP might as well be a single parent then?