MIL said I embarrassed her in front of her family. WIBU?

[Bigredjumper]

Ar the weekend, my partner and I hosted a family get together for his mother, aunt, cousin and her husband and children. I offered to cook for the get together.

A few weeks before, his cousin messaged saying that she is trying to cut UPFs from her children's diet and asked me to let her know if this would be an issue so she could bring good food with her. I thanked her for letting me know and we agreed I'd run everything past her to make sure she was comfortable with her children eating it. I enjoy cooking so I had absolutely no issue with this; I want to reduce the amount of UPFs I eat anyway.

I decided to make fajitas three ways (chicken, steak and halloumi). The only things I could think of which might not be okay were:

Dried herbs/spices
Cathedral city cheese
Sour cream
Tomato paste (from a local deli, not the tomato puree in a tube)
Oliver oil (from the same deli)

Partner's cousin assured me these were fine for her and her family. I made the tortillas myself, and the meat came from a local butchers. I also made sweet potato fries and a big mumsnetty salad.

I thought the get together went well and everyone seemed to enjoy the food.

My partner's mother text me today saying she cannot believe I thought it was okay to serve her family such junk food. She said I'd embarrassed her and my partner in front of her sister and I should think long and hard before agreeing to host anyone again.

I couldn't believe what I was reading. My partner and his cousin have assured me that there was absolutely nothing wrong with what I served and to ignore her. But I can't stop thinking I did something wrong and should have served something healthier. Especially considering there were children.

So WIBU? Apologies this is so long!

It's rude regardless, mystery or not.

Your MiL has appalling manners.

She’s in her 50’s. Even if OP had served turkey twizzlers and oven chips, the polite thing is to say, ‘thank you’.

Good idea!

All these passive aggressive message suggestions will only stoke up the fire.

The best thing to do is to not engage with her at all.

Who has ever thought eating spicy food a mark of 'sophistication?' I've never in my life heard that strange pronouncement before.

Going out for curry is hardly considered the Michelin star experience, is it? Not that I'm knocking it. I love a curry.

I think the fajitas sound great OP and thanks for the suggestion: I'll be making these at home at the weekend!

I’m confused, you went to a lot of effort. Is this a case of- she doesn’t appreciate the “cuisine” itself and therefore just has it stuck in her head that it just be junk food.

Id just make it clear that if she doesn’t wish to join you all again despite the efforts of making sure your meal was healthy and you did everything from scratch.. that she has the option to decline and get a McDonald’s next time 😂

I'm guessing MiL has just sabotaged any chance of a Christmas invitation. Or a dinner hosted for any milestone birthdays. As for her recommendation that OP think very carefully before hosting again, when it comes to her personally I'd be taking this under good advisement.

What on earth is wrong with people?

I think a response along the lines of 'Don't be so ridiculous. It was very healthy and just because it's meant to be eaten with hands doesn't make it junk food.'

All that detail about not serving highly processed foods to kids? Nah not buying it.

All that detail about not serving highly processed foods to kids? Nah not buying it.

@derxa

😂. not the victorian comment that's pissed you off then?

Yep.
Only in Mumsnet world is it considered normal not to just graciously accept a dinner invitation, go, and then just avoid eating the things that you don't like. If I invited someone and they asked me to "run by them" what I was cooking (obviously barring allergies/distinct requirements like being a vegan) then I would not be hosting them again. It's incredibly rude and I don't care how nicely it was worded.
As for the MIL, she would never be invited back. Total twat.

Yep cousin sounds like a total fuss pot. But hey. 🤷‍♀️

Hi a
After reading all this.. I get this is going to sound but I got this awful feeling that your husbands cousin was saying to you all along do this and happy with that, knowing your partners mam would say this..
I'm looking deeper into it maybe. But cousin did do a song and dance about the food didn't she.. If I was you do what you want to do instead of running it pass others. Your house your food your way..

Something fairly similar happened to me recently involving home made ‘junk food’. Mil unexpectedly was at ours at diner time, I didn’t have much food in so made pizza from scratch (including dough). Now, I have seen her eat pizza in an Italian restaurant so I know she eats it and is very particular about having a ‘very thin crust’. Anyway made pizzas for everyone and she was really picking at it, and started laughing saying she hadn’t been expecting to eat children’s food for dinner. Well, I mean I hadn’t catered for her to be there for a start, and since when has pizza with olives, peppers and fresh Basil been kids food?

I'm in my 60s and will eat anything someone else cooks and puts in front of me.

I suspect MIL got a 'remark' from her sister (who seems to be the person she desperately wants to impress) about 'do they always eat with their fingers?' or similar. What is their sibling relationship generally like, do you know? Because I suspect it's snobby sister at fault rather than MIL, who is taking it out (rudely, unnecessarily and absolutely uncalled for) on you.

I'm not sure what they expected though, given that you were catering for nine, some of whom were children. A 'help yourself' meal would always be favourite with those kinds of numbers, wouldn't it?

But yes, MIL is bang out of order and should be ostracised and Spoken To by DH immediately, although I suspect that she has been showing off to her sibling and that's where the remarks originate.

No, definitely not racist, perfectly nice normal people but perhaps it's because its street/finger food as others have suggested. I love fajitas - though I'd never dream of making my own tortillas.

It's not street food or finger food, it's a staple diet.

if they see it as cheap and rubbish because of its origins then they are racist.

My MIL would call pasta junk food (unless it was lasagne). She also ate a lot of junk food.

I just want to point out Fajitas originated in Texas....

Yes, amongst Mexicans.

it wasnt junk food to me anyway ungrateful person you cant please everybody dont invite them

A decent pizza can be healthy and is not kids’ food! It’s like saying no adults should eat pizza in Italy!

Fair enough. Though it's still a streetfood type of meal.

It's a staple in Tex-Mex restaurants.

Fish and Chips was a street food, something tells me these people wouldn't call it cheap rubbish.

Definitely not with today’s prices of fish and chips anyway! 😂