MIL said I embarrassed her in front of her family. WIBU?

[Bigredjumper]

Ar the weekend, my partner and I hosted a family get together for his mother, aunt, cousin and her husband and children. I offered to cook for the get together.

A few weeks before, his cousin messaged saying that she is trying to cut UPFs from her children's diet and asked me to let her know if this would be an issue so she could bring good food with her. I thanked her for letting me know and we agreed I'd run everything past her to make sure she was comfortable with her children eating it. I enjoy cooking so I had absolutely no issue with this; I want to reduce the amount of UPFs I eat anyway.

I decided to make fajitas three ways (chicken, steak and halloumi). The only things I could think of which might not be okay were:

Dried herbs/spices
Cathedral city cheese
Sour cream
Tomato paste (from a local deli, not the tomato puree in a tube)
Oliver oil (from the same deli)

Partner's cousin assured me these were fine for her and her family. I made the tortillas myself, and the meat came from a local butchers. I also made sweet potato fries and a big mumsnetty salad.

I thought the get together went well and everyone seemed to enjoy the food.

My partner's mother text me today saying she cannot believe I thought it was okay to serve her family such junk food. She said I'd embarrassed her and my partner in front of her sister and I should think long and hard before agreeing to host anyone again.

I couldn't believe what I was reading. My partner and his cousin have assured me that there was absolutely nothing wrong with what I served and to ignore her. But I can't stop thinking I did something wrong and should have served something healthier. Especially considering there were children.

So WIBU? Apologies this is so long!

I’d tell her to get fucked and would not be inviting her again. Crazy bitch!

I have a filling that your MIL was expecting Sunday roast type meal, and anything that wasn't it, in her eyes it was embarrassment.

Ignore ignore ignore

@Ramalangadingdong

Aah, okay. My apologies, I see where you’re coming from now. That was not initially clear to me from your comment, so out of context felt offended and defensive.

I’m sorry to hear your Mother had it. Yes, strange and bizarre behaviours can begin insidiously, and sadly the person with the disease can push those closest to them away. I don’t have Alzheimer’s, but a hereditary neurodegenerative disease that causes a subcortical dementia. So a lot of overlap of the same struggles and symptoms. I too watched my own Mother change, and suffer too, and I lost her, so i feel your pain. 💐

I'm not normally the kind of person who goes for confrontation, but I'd have to tell her to go fuck herself, in those exact words.

How dare she say that, when you'd put so much effort into hosting.

Wtf?! None of that is upf! Well balanced and nutritious by the sounds of it.

Agree that it sounds like your MIL is having a breakdown. Or she's an absolute dickhead.

No idea which country this is but I'm asitsuming that the MIL considered "tex mex" to be "fast food" and thinks that "proper gatherings" should have "proper food". Probably just about 30 years out of date. My Mum used to have similar beliefs about certain foods being appropriate for things or not. People get hung up about food. It's her hangups, not yours. Not your problem. Just ignore it. Old people can be odd.

This. Totally

Your MIL is batshit, but to be quite honest when the UPF thing came up I would've thanked the cousin for offering to cook for everyone to ensure there weren't any in the food. That, or served Mr Kipling's French Fancies for pudding.

It sounds like she was expecting something a bit more extravagant both in terms of meal and also ambiance? Sounds snobby/elitist

Agree. I suspect she feels anything eaten with hands, would not be a suitable meal for guests.

I think it was all about wanting it a bit more " tweely formal.

You know, a starter, a main course and desserts. Decanted wine and what about cheese and biscuits to finish. God throw in an amuse bouche . As frilly and formal as possible.

What she got was a lovely, healthy casually informal , help yourself family meal.
Which she ate with a knife and fork.

Dear me she thinks it's the 80s .

Clearly her high standards don’t apply to her own behaviour.

Very strange comment. This was a meal. Not a formal dinner. Who the heck thinks 'sophistication' when having family over? I guess you would turn your nose up at chilli and buffets too. You seem 64 going on Victorian

You seem 64 going on Victorian

Agree

I think they’re likely racist.

Beggars belief this woman is only in her 50s. I think were born in the wrong century

No one has said spicy food is sophisticated.

If you’re invited to a meal, you need to be polite.

Anything else is Hyacinth Bucket behaviour.

My partner has asked me not to message her again. He's told her she isn't welcome in our home again without an explanation and apology. I've blocked her number for now

Well done, partner! Now then, what’s the opposite of LTB….. OP, Marry Him!

I can’t actually believe this to be true. Is it just to try and get in the Daily Mail?

Bring back Hyacinth Bouquet's Candle Lit Suppers eh?

I work in a special needs school everyday is a bad day 😅🤣

Is it a generation thing? Chicken fajithas would be a mystery to my ears n-laws

With the exception of a guest forgetting or not bothering to avoid allergies/intolerances/major dislikes that they KNEW about in advance, and AGREED to avoid, anyone who complains about what they were kindly fed at someone else's house is a major AH and should be ignored.

The woman is in her 50s, not her 90s.

So the answer is no. It is a rude and ignorant thing.