MIL said I embarrassed her in front of her family. WIBU?

[Bigredjumper]

Ar the weekend, my partner and I hosted a family get together for his mother, aunt, cousin and her husband and children. I offered to cook for the get together.

A few weeks before, his cousin messaged saying that she is trying to cut UPFs from her children's diet and asked me to let her know if this would be an issue so she could bring good food with her. I thanked her for letting me know and we agreed I'd run everything past her to make sure she was comfortable with her children eating it. I enjoy cooking so I had absolutely no issue with this; I want to reduce the amount of UPFs I eat anyway.

I decided to make fajitas three ways (chicken, steak and halloumi). The only things I could think of which might not be okay were:

Dried herbs/spices
Cathedral city cheese
Sour cream
Tomato paste (from a local deli, not the tomato puree in a tube)
Oliver oil (from the same deli)

Partner's cousin assured me these were fine for her and her family. I made the tortillas myself, and the meat came from a local butchers. I also made sweet potato fries and a big mumsnetty salad.

I thought the get together went well and everyone seemed to enjoy the food.

My partner's mother text me today saying she cannot believe I thought it was okay to serve her family such junk food. She said I'd embarrassed her and my partner in front of her sister and I should think long and hard before agreeing to host anyone again.

I couldn't believe what I was reading. My partner and his cousin have assured me that there was absolutely nothing wrong with what I served and to ignore her. But I can't stop thinking I did something wrong and should have served something healthier. Especially considering there were children.

So WIBU? Apologies this is so long!

This is a sign of a small life. I might have understood this attitude in someone in their 80s!

Yikes. Did she think she was on Come Dine With Me or something 😂 perhaps she should enter!

I hate people who can't say 'I wasn't too keen on that' and instead say 'XYX didn't like this' and make a big deal about it. My mum used to be terrible for it when my Dad was alive 'your dad didn't like x' or 'your dad is annoyed you did y' always utter bollocks.

Anyway sounds like you are better off without her visiting again and the cousin sounds lovely, glad you are meeting up without the odd parents.

well if she is using a knife and fork to eat them maybe she has had 'a small life'

Early days, MiL coming to visit for w/e, she knows I am vegetarian, I ask if there are any foods she doesn't eat. "Oh no, I eat everything." I put on a good spread, choice at every meal, nothing extreme. Cauliflower cheese, good mixed salads, risotto, pasta, sort of thing. She is horrified. Doesn't recognise what she is trying to eat as human food. I say, but I asked. She says, "Well, but meat and two veg, obviously, and I do eat every variation of that."
She literally could not interpret what she was looking at as any sort of food, in the same way that I might be unable to interpret a picture or a new piece of music if I didn't have some help.
I found it so hard to understand how that was possible.
Like the indigenous people who literally could not see Captain Cook's sailing ship in their bay, because they had no context in which to interpret it.
I suggest OP's MiL just sees 'foreign muck from some local takeaway with no trouble taken to cook' and hasn't a clue about the deliciousness of what is in front of her, or the possibility of cooking it oneself.

I'd have probably used a knife and fork but I don't think I've had 'a small life'

Your husband sounds lovely with the way he is supporting you- nice to read this

I'm glad your DP has your back. I would've been buying in tortillas for sure! It sounds like a lovely meal that can please everyone. I wonder if MIL saw it as on par with having burgers rather than you having cooked a roast or a giant lasagne? I suspect she was "embarrassed" that you didn't do a more formal meal with courses btw. But I'd definitely prefer the flexibility of what you offered as clearly did the other visitors.

I mean to be honest just message her back saying everyone has assured me that the food was fine, but I’m quite happy to not host saves the cooking and washing up I’ll happily come to yours instead and you can cook for everyone whilst we sit and chat, thanks for taking it off my hands! Can’t wait for the next family gathering to see what food you have in store for us xx

The meal sounds lovely, your MIL sounds batshit!

I know a few people who don't like Mexican food, one said to me that he didn't like to eat that "cheap rubbish" - I've no idea why they feel like that and `I definitely don't agree

Well he hasn’t bought many avocados lately.

I am past 60 and fajitas (a vegan version) have been a staple meal in my house for years and not the home made sort.

I do whisk up my own guacamole because all the shop bought ones seem to contain dairy

Your mil would love my house. Adult Ds made vegan egg fried rice for breakfast and our fridge is stacked with all different versions of tofu as he is learning Mandarin and is shopping at the Chinese Supermarket and making vegan versions of different Chinese foods.

I grew up in the 60s and we would eat curry and rice for quite a few meals as well as egg and chips and beans on toast

I am a pretty dreadful cook and mil would get a can of supermarket own soup and some sandwiches as me and the oven don’t mix.

I wonder if she thinks this type of food is always bought junkfood and doesnt realise you can actually make them at home as a proper meal.

I reckon this is a foodie thing. People who aren't foodies might not know you can do classy fajitas and might not even recognise good cooking when it's something out of their comfort zone. Maybe she likes to be a bit of a snob and is just showing her ignorance. She probably thought it was from a packet. Whatever the reason, her message was batshit. Doesn't sound like she's the type to back down. It would seem a pretty weird thing to cause a rift in a family but not sure there's a way forward! I guess talk to your husband and have a think about what you'd like the outcome to be? I think you're unlikely to get an apology.

Your meal sounds lush - I'd hoover that up

OP - you sound lovely, your husbands cousin sounds lovely and your MIL is a toxic woman. So glad your husband stepped up and called her out.

Do not let this slide. She was rude as well as coming across as nuts.

’How rude. Guests usually send messages of thanks and not unpleasant and unwarranted criticism.’

You do know that you can still use a knife and fork with this food if you prefer, don’t you? OP, just reply, ‘Looking forward to you showing us how to do it properly at your house. I don’t eat mushrooms, chicken, potatoes, peppers or onions. DP hates eggs, cumin and rice. Shall we get a date in the diary?’

Wtaf!!! What a bitch!!

She is a cheeky bitch and I would be telling her so also.

That's outrageous, what an ungrateful cow! You went above and beyond to make everyone a lovely meal and that's her response!

Have only read OPs comments.
Your MIL is insane.
She is about the same age as me.
I served a similar meal of tacos to my friends on the weekend and we all loved it.
Well done to your partner for sticking up for you as well.

Yikes I’d be fuming. I am very careful about UPFs and the meal sounded totally fine. When at other people’s houses I try to avoid bread or biscuits or cake if I think it’s UP but wouldn’t never say anything.

I guess some people might not want to eat the fajitas even if homemade because of the white flour but I don’t think white flour counts as ultra processed. Wonder if the cheese would maybe count as ultra processed but it was such a small part of the meal that could decide to skip.

I’d ask again for her to clarify exactly what was ultra processed, as you are still totally confused. And don’t invite her back. So rude.

Can I come round. It sounds amazing. Could only eat the halloumi being a veggie, but that would be lovely in homemade tortillas and with the rest of what you said.

She sounds like my Mum. My Mum considers herself an authority on food (especially on what's good for you and not). All chips are bad. Even when homemade, skin on and just a spray of olive oil and done in the air fryer. She is much healthier eating her boiled potatoes (which she melts a load of butter on top). We are also terrible having a takeaway every other week. Of course her pub meals out twice a week are fine. I could go on... You would think having put up with her batshit all my life I would be immune, but it still gets to me at times.

BatshitMIL, FYI it is etiquette to send messages of thanks after a dinner party, and extremely uncouth to send a message critiquing the food. Cousin was very happy with the menu, agreed in advance and cooked from scratch. We enjoyed the dinner party and look forward to welcoming our grateful guests again soon.

Block.