MIL said I embarrassed her in front of her family. WIBU?

[Bigredjumper]

Ar the weekend, my partner and I hosted a family get together for his mother, aunt, cousin and her husband and children. I offered to cook for the get together.

A few weeks before, his cousin messaged saying that she is trying to cut UPFs from her children's diet and asked me to let her know if this would be an issue so she could bring good food with her. I thanked her for letting me know and we agreed I'd run everything past her to make sure she was comfortable with her children eating it. I enjoy cooking so I had absolutely no issue with this; I want to reduce the amount of UPFs I eat anyway.

I decided to make fajitas three ways (chicken, steak and halloumi). The only things I could think of which might not be okay were:

Dried herbs/spices
Cathedral city cheese
Sour cream
Tomato paste (from a local deli, not the tomato puree in a tube)
Oliver oil (from the same deli)

Partner's cousin assured me these were fine for her and her family. I made the tortillas myself, and the meat came from a local butchers. I also made sweet potato fries and a big mumsnetty salad.

I thought the get together went well and everyone seemed to enjoy the food.

My partner's mother text me today saying she cannot believe I thought it was okay to serve her family such junk food. She said I'd embarrassed her and my partner in front of her sister and I should think long and hard before agreeing to host anyone again.

I couldn't believe what I was reading. My partner and his cousin have assured me that there was absolutely nothing wrong with what I served and to ignore her. But I can't stop thinking I did something wrong and should have served something healthier. Especially considering there were children.

So WIBU? Apologies this is so long!

Dearest MIL. I’m sorry you confused my authentic Mexican fajitas with supermarket “Old El Paso”. Likewise, I did think {inssrt last thing she prepared for family} was somewhat like a Lidl ready meal…

Thank you Rampant!

I'm the same age as the MIL. After alll the "generational" type comments I think I'll slink away and have a little cry!

I have a teenage DS (just).

DM, DF and MIL (and late FIL) have happily eaten fajitas in family get togethers - all in their 80s. As guests they wouldn't comment if they didn't like the choice of meals anyway - neither would I.

So sorry to hear what your MIL said after you'd made all the effort @Bigredjumper, sounds like a great meal.
My DH has a dodgy heart so I'm very careful to avoid giving him unhealthy food. I regard fajitas as a really healthy meal, all those vegetables and lean protein with "good" avocado oil. The only thing I do differently is to use half fat creme fraiche instead of sour cream.
I know a few people who don't like Mexican food, one said to me that he didn't like to eat that "cheap rubbish" - I've no idea why they feel like that and `I definitely don't agree.

Hooray! Your MIL sounds like a horrible person anyway, and now you never have to make dinner for her ever again. Chalk that up as a win!

But this meal was also for children and we tend to do fun food if children are there.

I'd tell the stupid bithc to keep away from my house and that the next time I see her is to dance on her grave.

Dose she think it was maybe too casual? I assume it was sort of serve yourself. Was she expecting plated meals like lasagne or a roast?

Was she sitting there with a face like a slapped arse eating with her knife and fork whilst everyone else tucked in with fingers.

I think that would tell you pretty much. It's caught her on the back foot and she can't cope.

She sounds like a nightmare. Meal sounds great and I'm glad your OH is being supportive.

Bad day at the office, Wibbly? 😆

“Thank you for letting me know. Please be assured you don’t have to worry about what food I cook, as you won’t be invited here again”
Ps I hope you choke on your “healthy” food

Its not the food thT is the problem is it?

Meal sounds lovely.

None of these are UPF btw:

Dried herbs/spices
Cathedral city cheese
Sour cream
Tomato paste (from a local deli, not the tomato puree in a tube)
Olive oil (from the same deli)

This is outrageous.

Its sound like you went well beyond . They wouldn't have that here.

Also what's mil got to do with it. If she didn't like the food she shouldn't come.

It sounds delicious

Wow HOW RUDE!!! It's pretty disgusting you hosted cooked all that food carefully thought it out to make it healthier. Got the thumbs up that it was fine... Did she eat it??? If it was such junk surly she would've not eating it... but something tells me she did... Maybe she is jealous you can cook and accommodate plus host and is just been vile.. Best way to look at it everyone but 1 enjoyed it . You can't please everyone and in my eyes if she ate the food her option really wouldn't matter to me.. xx

If this post is true - she is an awful awful woman!!!!!!! Horrible MIL!

I personally wouldn’t ignore her and call her out for being such a shit! I would hope your partner had your back in this also!

Absolutely agree 👍

I am sorry that your mother in law is such a fruit loop, a sarnie short of picnic , a turkey twizzler ect,

She is obviously 🙄 got deep seated insecurities, issues , even envy, that her precious son has been taking away from her,
therefore she has to share him with you,

the audacity of it.!

your Mother in law = is Batshit one.!

Mother in law head, is still in spin over the reality of this...

mother in law seriously needs to get a grip, get a life .!

Maybe when you said you were giving her a Mexican wrap,
she was expecting a red, white and green fur coat?!

Your MIL was unforgivably rude. You were generous to cook!

she sounds a nut.
also, the UPF thing is the latest fad. It's fine.

Your mother in law i think 🤔 is channeling long dead famous tv 📺 🍳 cook of 70s era who used to hen peck her husband often a lot,
she was quite popular for a while until she showed her true colour's of her character that is,
then her tv ratings slump, she ended up into total obscurity and that,

she was arrogant snobby patronising ect..

I am not quite sure of her name,

Is it Fanny Craddock at all?

I think she thought Faijitas was not a suitable offering for the formal sit-down she was expecting - that is why she made a point of using a knife and fork. She was hoping it would be some Masterchef creation to show off in front of her sister.

It seems daft that this has apparently immediately escalated to banned from the house unless apologises ..though good your partner has your back!!

I think checking other guests views first and then replying to her would have been more appropriate as in :

Sorry you didn't enjoy the meal. I have checked with and and they all enjoyed it so no need for you to be embarrassed. . We all have different tastes ofcourse and it's a shame this meal wasnt your preference. Next time I'll check any likes and dislikes and preferences with you as well as with * as I did this time, prior to the visit

In other words acknowledge her viewpoint, make it clear you are quite happy with what you did, take charge of the dialogue, show her that she cant dictate to you/belittle you ...and then just carry on. She might not be happy and may come back with more of the same .. repeat above ...and if then she still carries on at that point probably right to say she'd better not bother visiting again

That sounds a fab meal. I would come around and not ever leave.

I'm sure the cousin really appreciated your care for the DC.

I don't eat UPFs very often and cook from scratch. I have stopped cooking for in-laws as they don't really want to eat "proper" food. They eat a lot of preprepared meals, which is fine for them but I have autoimmune stuff going on and eating less processed food helps a lot.

I think it must be the assumption that it's fast food and therefore not posh or proper when entertaining?

I've just bought the Toxic In-laws book!

@RusemaneGanche.Sorry to jump in but how did you navigate the situation with your colleague? I'm curious has having this situation atm and thinking of just quitting and getting a new job 😕 but ive worked hard to keep this job but literally dread going in. There is also a 30year + age gap and was hoping she just retire soon has she seems to have had enough but wants to stay another 4 years and I don't think I can deal with another 4 years. I was also going to suggest the MIL was jealous and maybe just don't offer as you don't need the hassle.