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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Waking boyfriend up on holiday ,aibu?

529 replies

ifitfeelslikeparadise · 14/11/2023 07:29

We have saved all year for this holiday and got here yesterday.
Just to the Canary Islands but spent £3,000 for a nice suite.
The night before we came away we stayed in a nice hotel and he went to sleep at 7pm
Got up the next morning at 7am
We got here yesterday afternoon
We went to bed last night at 8pm and probably asleep for 10pm
I woke up this morning at 6am but couldn't get back to sleep as 8 hours was more than enough.
7am I got a drink from the beside cabinet and woke him up.
Apologised and after 5 mins I got up and went into living room to make a cup of tea.
He comes in moaning waking me up at 7am on holiday making tea
Anyway turned into a argument
Because I don't want to spend all holiday In bed.
He's so lazy
Honestly 8 -10 hours should be enough
Maybe I'm a little excited but I've planned this for ages now
I'm sat on balcony making no noise while he is still in bed.
He's told me I can't unpack my case till he gets up
Aibu to not want to spend all holiday in bed?
He says it's his holiday too -which it is
But surely me getting up and going in next room isn't really bad ?
I crept out

OP posts:
MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 14/11/2023 08:22

7am isn't early, it's not like she woke him at 4am!

Ridiculous that he expects silence from you, and for you to not even leave the bed.

You keep doing your thing OP, but probably alone because this man baby wants to sleep 12 hours like a toddler.

Wolfpa · 14/11/2023 08:22

Have you thought about taking separate holidays? It sounds as if you are both looking for different things from them, or maybe just plan some separate days so you both get what you want

SkyTree · 14/11/2023 08:23

Honestly the early dinner and bed time on holiday would wind me up much more!

jannier · 14/11/2023 08:23

NigelHarmansNewWife · 14/11/2023 07:37

And this is why we book accommodation which isn't just one room. If you're in a suite you should be able to do your own thing whilst he's in bed without disturbing him? Why did you not unpack when you got there?

It's not one room

mydogisthebest · 14/11/2023 08:23

He would drive me mad. Me and DH go to bed at around 11.30pm and are up between 7 and 7.30 am at home and on holiday.

I also could not be eating my evening meal as early as 6.30

Whiteday · 14/11/2023 08:24

NigelHarmansNewWife · 14/11/2023 07:37

And this is why we book accommodation which isn't just one room. If you're in a suite you should be able to do your own thing whilst he's in bed without disturbing him? Why did you not unpack when you got there?

Which is exactly what OP has done! Booked a suite!

grumpycow1 · 14/11/2023 08:24

Yanbu

if you shook him awake yes but not just by getting up and making a tea. He needs ear plugs

Howareu · 14/11/2023 08:24

You are unreasonable to expect him to want to get up early, when you know from living with him that he doesn’t have the same energy and zest for life as you. You will likely never be compatible because of this.

BrimfulOfMash · 14/11/2023 08:25

Masterchef didn’t finish til 10 last night

jannier · 14/11/2023 08:25

ifitfeelslikeparadise · 14/11/2023 07:39

@RedCoatSearch he likes to go for dInner at 6.30pm,have a drink then goes to bed and watches tele
Last night we spent the night watching master chef

Sounds like you could have saved £3k and stayed home if that's all he's doing while your away. I assume he's an adult not a kid.

Catza · 14/11/2023 08:26

You are both being unreasonable. You should not expect him to be up early, but he shouldn't be pissy over you making a cup of tea. Having a big song and dance about it is just weird.
I don't think it is fair to call him lazy over needing more sleep than you. Some people do genuinely need more sleep. I can get up after 8 hours but I don't feel my best unless I had at least 10. I am a perfectly functional adult but always needed more sleep than people would consider reasonable. Luckily, I am a deep sleeper and my partner can creep out of bed pretty much without me even noticing.
I don't know how loud you were making a cup of tea either. Maybe think about how you could minimise the noise (i.e. getting everything ready for a cup of tea the night before so all you need to do is to flick a switch on a kettle).
As for his usual way to spend weekends and holidays, again, you are unreasonable for expecting him to change this time around. I have no idea what he does for a living, maybe he has a rather physical job or has a health condition meaning he needs three days to recover from a work week. Or maybe he is indeed just lazy. Hard to say without more information.
Ultimately, you need to decide whether this is going to work long-term for you.

Wwwnothingdotcom · 14/11/2023 08:26

Contrary to popular belief on MN that everyone is up with the chickens, most people are not, especially on holidays. 🙄

However, most people are also not in bed at 8pm...

CyberCritical · 14/11/2023 08:27

I think if I woke at 7am and knew SH wanted a bit longer then I'd go out to the nearest cafe and sit and have a coffee then head back for 8ish and wake him up for breakfast.

It's reasonable to compromise, I wouldn't be happy with him sleeping till 11am unless you'd been out the night before, sometimes on holiday the day switches and you have a late wake up and a late night but if you're 8n bed watching TV all evening then it's understandable that you want to be out enjoying your holiday during the day.

Sunshineandflipflops · 14/11/2023 08:28

I am also an early bird but those times are extreme! I would assume that if he compromised on going to bed a bit later, you would compromise on waking up a bit later?! Can you suggest a compromise tonight whereby you eat a little later, maybe go for a walk/drink after dinner and bed later, and then you agree to get up at 8/9am?

I usually wake up before my dp at the weekends but I get up and make a drink and leave him to sleep for another hour or so. If your dp is that tired and in need of sleep, you getting up and making as drink won't disturb him.

I have to agree with others though, he sounds boring and what a waste of £3k.

boudiccathecat · 14/11/2023 08:29

Sounds like a dreadful start to a holiday, if I were you I’d make my own plans and leave him to his TV and bed.
I’d be furious about spending all that money on a holiday and then do exactly what you can do at home.
I’d also consider if I was well matched for the future.

PinkRoses1245 · 14/11/2023 08:29

YABVU. It’s his holiday to. What are you getting up so early for? Sorry but you sound really boring watching TV in bed on holiday

jannier · 14/11/2023 08:30

Shoxfordian · 14/11/2023 07:51

@Ballsbaill I didn't say anything about not going to the loo, or getting some water- I said making tea is noisy which it is even in another room - it's about showing basic consideration for your partner

Sleeping over 8 hours and expecting others to sit in silence without a decent drink while you have another 4 or 5 hours is total consideration .....if your that exhausted a kettle in another room isn't going to wake you he's just a controlling arse.

BatshitCrazyWoman · 14/11/2023 08:30

I'm a lark, and naturally wake up between 5 and 6 am. Even on holiday. The first thing I do is have a cup of tea, and I really enjoy having the chance to drink tea and read on holiday, and not have to take my tea into the bathroom with me, like I do when I'm at home and getting ready for work.

So YADNBU, you are in a separate flipping room with your tea. He can't expect you just to stay in bed until he deems it okay to get up! What if you needed a wee?? I'd not go on holiday with him again!

fortheloveofflowers · 14/11/2023 08:31

Why on earth are you with a man that doesn’t leave the house all weekend and is just as lazy on holiday. Are you really that desperate???

Get rid of him.

Maddy70 · 14/11/2023 08:34

Let me tell you. Spanish don't eat until at least 9. If you're eating at 6.30 you will be eating in rubbish tourist traps. Most don't even open until 8.30. Holiday routines need to change. Eat later and stay out , get up later and relax

PlayOasis · 14/11/2023 08:35

I’m shocked he goes to bed so early. And watching Masterchef on holiday! Why weren’t you out having a drink and enjoying the atmosphere?

Having said that, you know what he’s like as you live together and he goes to bed for a whole weekend in the home you share.

Why is he so boring and why does he need so much sleep?

I could not live like that.

FrenchandSaunders · 14/11/2023 08:36

What do you do at the weekend while he loads about?

FrenchandSaunders · 14/11/2023 08:36

loafs

Aposterhasnoname · 14/11/2023 08:37

You watch telly in bed on holiday? At 8pm! I mean, are you ok with that? Evenings, and very early morning are the best parts of the day on holiday. A nice local restaurant, few cocktails (or mocktails if you don’t drink) looking over the beach or harbour, bit of people watching perhaps a wander round the shops. In the morning a lovely long walk on the beach before it gets too hot and the crowds arrive. Perfect. They didn’t invent siestas for nothing.

Hbh17 · 14/11/2023 08:38

I'd be more worried about holidaying with a man who wants his dinner at 6.30pm and then goes to bed to watch TV. He can watch TV at home, so why did he bother going all the way to the Canaries? At best, you obviously have different holiday styles, but I'd certainly want to be out there taking in my new environment.