Doing a Sarah’s law on my child’s dad he doesn’t know

[FirstTimeMum0]

hi after being a single mother for 6 months out of the blue my child’s farther messages me. He has since barely messaged me after meeting his child a few times. However his sister has offered to have my child overnight. I never have any help no close family near me so it’s very rare I get a brake. Do I tell her I’ve done a Sarah’s law on her brother? I don’t even know if to let any of his family see my child. Obviously I won’t be able to share what I find out from it on here or with anyone. It’s just a lot to take on

@AngelAurora

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It's her child's father

I think the stranger is his sister?

Very wise.

Hilary Clinton said "It takes a village to raise a child" and it's true. But sometimes we have to build our own village. We have to build it carefully, but we can still build it.

If you don't have family to help you, try to build friendships with other mums. Try baby and mum groups, NCT groups, church groups if that's something you believe in. It's hard not to isolate ourselves in the first year of our baby's life because it can be so overwhelming and we get so tired. But it's worth it to get out even if it's only for a half hour.

It will take time to build trust in new friends but that works both ways. And even if all you ever have are friends who will sit with you and chat whilst watching all the children play that can be a relief in itself.

So did the baby's dad say or do something to make you suspicious, or is it because he's suddenly wanting to see the baby?

When did you meet her for the first time? Presumably sometime after you had given birth? How did you meet her? Did the baby's father introduce you?

It's his sister who wants to have the baby overnight!

@FirstTimeMum0 so sorry you don't have anyone sweetheart - that's hard. Are you not in touch with your parents? Don't you have friends? And do you live with anyone?

You need to make some friends so you're not so alone. Find some mums and tots groups, as they'd be a good way to meet other young mums.

Do you have a job?

I'm really glad you asked the question here. Please do ask again if there's something you're not sure of x

It's a pretty big leap from idle curiosity to wanting to know if the father of your child has child sex offences in his past! I mean, I've never wondered that about DH, or anyone that I know on a personal level!

I never said that the father wanted the baby overnight!

OP said the father messaged her out of the blue, then followed up with the sister asking about overnight stays. I merely presumed that the father was asking to see the baby, since it isn't beyond the realm of possibilities that the two things might be connected!

I'm just not getting the timeline as some of the OP's posts are a little confusing!

Next time, I'll just post some trite, condescending message, without trying to get timelines or histories clear thus making any advice I might have useful!

You must have had suspicions to have done a Sarah's law disclosure
Do NOT under any circumstances let your 6 month old stay with anyone you do not know inside out
Peace of mind is priceless

Sarahs Law isn't worth the paper it's written on

Convicted paedophiles just change their names.

I know I go on about this all the time but have a look at this podcast - it's basically about an undercover policeman who spent 10 years infiltrating a paedophile ring.

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Don't let your child go with him or his sister then

Yes I work well currently on maternity leave but I do work and we have been to many groups

Do you have any friends from work?

I had heard Roomers about him being violent but mainly as he randomly got in touch out of the blue. It made me wonder why now, of course I did try and ask him why now but he just fobbed me off with loads of rubbish excuses

Yes I do keep in touch with my work friends however a lot of them either don’t have children them self so can’t understand/relate. Or the ones that do have children there children are older and way past the baby stage. Everyone’s there for you while you’re pregnant but quick to disappear when baby arrives

People who work with children have to have DBS checks.

Hell would freeze over before I left my 6 month old with a stranger.

People who work with children have to have DBS checks.

@TheRealLilyMunster

I know what you're saying - and you're right to say it. But paedophiles pass DBS checks because they officially change their names and get ID in their new names. It's hard to believe but the police officer in my link explains it better than I could. Basically, they just don't tick the box that says "have you ever been known by any other name" and no-one checks.

I know right - I was shocked too. But don't just take my word for it, watch the interview.

Try and reach out anyway, everyone assumes you are busy (as you are) when you have a baby and not everyone realises or remembers what an isolating time it can be.

If you have heard rumours that he is violent, you really don't want him involved in your lives and I would distance yourself from his sister as he may use it as a way to get contact, don't risk your baby.

Try and go to as many baby clubs as possible and join single parent online forums.
There are things like Frolo and Gingerbread which are aimed at single parents.

If you can find a couple single parent friends then you can all support each other.