Doing a Sarah’s law on my child’s dad he doesn’t know

[FirstTimeMum0]

hi after being a single mother for 6 months out of the blue my child’s farther messages me. He has since barely messaged me after meeting his child a few times. However his sister has offered to have my child overnight. I never have any help no close family near me so it’s very rare I get a brake. Do I tell her I’ve done a Sarah’s law on her brother? I don’t even know if to let any of his family see my child. Obviously I won’t be able to share what I find out from it on here or with anyone. It’s just a lot to take on

Sadly, I agree with this more than anything. Certainly more than anything I just wrote in my post

I’m very confident that’s the plan. No one offers up over night care in this context to a baby so young.

I really understand why this offer is tempting but please don't take it. In a year or so things will be easier. Not easy but easier. I would never offer to take a baby overnight from their parents without it being requested. Its a really odd offer.

Hi OP just wanted to add just be mindful she isn't grooming you to get an overnight with your baby. I would make it clear the baby will never be going overnight or unsupervised and that you just want to facilitate a relationship.

All abusers are wolves in sheeps clothing, just be careful she's not gearing you to get your baby away from you.

I think its lovely you want the child to have family connections but please don't see it as a means to an end for the child to go overnight for a break. It's hard to vet an abuser or a facilitator. Just supervised only. Xx

OP, if your child's Dad is connected to abuse of children, and he would be since you mention Sarah's Law, giving your child to his sister would be mad. She will not be safe with her just because she's a woman.

Often a predator has been abused as a child and if that is the case with him, his sister grew up in the same environment and might be either a potential predator or a helper. Sexual trauma unfortunately sometimes make survivors of abuse (men and women) help abusers get access to future victims.

Please keep that little girl far away from his family until you know better. 6 months old is far too young to need to stay with an aunt, anyway.

Most people let strangers look after their baby, so not sure what other PPs are getting at here?

daycare employees are strangers at first. Nannies you hire are strangers?

personally, I wouldn’t let any stranger look after my baby that young, which is why I chose to be a SAHM for the time being.

She has a loyalty to her brother. She's not going to choose to do as you ask over what he wants. Not a chance.
I can't quite compute in what universe you think that someone would go against their own brother, on the say so that a woman they've met a few times, just because you had a baby together.

That's really naive.

Op if social services found out that you plan on letting a potentially dangerous man have access to your child (even if indirectly through his sister) they would come down on you like a ton of bricks.

Just block everyone until your Dd can at least talk and understand the situation. You don’t need to talk to her aunt, you need to protect your baby.

You really can’t see the difference? How very odd.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you starting to slowly build a relationship with members of your childs family, if thats what you want.

Your responsibility as a parent is to safeguard your child. That means keeping her from known danger and ensuring that you are careful and do your due diligence when it comes to childcare - we know that more children are abused by those they know than those they don't.

If I had found something that might impact my child then I think I would be speaking to a professional body to find out how best to move forward.

With respect that might not be true. If my brother was abusive in no way would I put his wants above my niece/nephews needs

That sounds a great idea!

I think that Sarah’s law is to see if the person has been convicted of anything to do with children.
And Claire’s law is to see if the person has been convicted of anything to do with their partner.

It’s probably worth doing both if you can but remember this doesn’t prove that this person is safe.

If you have any concerns then perhaps set up a contact centre where there are other staff around and it’s middle ground.

You can start off where he has to stay in the contact centre and then as you get more comfortable you can drop off and pick up there but allow him to take her to the park etc.

That’s because you are a decent person. She may not be.

Or she may not believe that he was abusive and think OP is lying or something.

@FirstTimeMum0

I have to admit that I'm not exactly sure of what you found out about whom, or if you found something out at all. It appears either you have filed a request and are awaiting the results and so posing a 'hypothetical', or you have found out 'something' either about your child's father OR someone 'near' to your child's paternal aunt.

Regardless, I agree with others as far as letting your child's paternal aunt have your child without you being there IF there is an issue with anyone with whom your child may come into contact whilst in her care. If you did and she let that person have access you would be complicit as you are (apparently) aware that this person has some sort of 'history' (for lack of a better word). You just can't EVER take that chance. Not ever.

If you want to develop a relationship with this woman and her children, that's one thing. That can be done safely by getting together with them in your home or a public place.

Am I understanding correctly that with the Sarah's law website you must apply and then promise not to reveal what you find under penalty of law? The equivalent of 'Sarah's Law' website here in the US is an open database, anyone has access, and there is no restriction on 'sharing' what you find as long as it is not done with the malicious intent to harm or harass the offender.

That's ridiculous. They are vetted! Plus there's no iffy deadbeat dad sniffing round!!

@FirstTimeMum0 you sound very young and not that worldly wise, and I mean that kindly. Is there anyone looking out for you? Where are your own family? I feel like you are very vulnerable.

If you have doubts about your baby's dad, then absolutely be wary of his sister. Don't let yourself be talked into anything.

Why are you even considering it? Sure, I understand you dont have help, but she is a stranger. You are also suspicious of your babies dad so surely you had motives?

I think you should try and build your village but not with these people. At least get to know his sister better, before you let her have your child overnight

Well it should be because it is far more common than you realise

OP In your shoes I wouldn't meet her because that would rely on my 'trusting my judgement' about her; while ignoring the fact its very odd to contact a stranger and offer to take her baby overnight.

If sexual abuse isn't your concern, why have you made an application for information under Sarah's Law? The proper name for Sarah's Law is 'The Child Sex Offender Disclosure Scheme' - it is specifically to find out whether someone has been convicted of child sexual abuse, or poses a sexual risk to children.

Did you mean Claire's Law? Claire's Law is to find out whether a partner or ex-partner has been convicted of domestic violence/abuse against an adult. Sarah's Law is to find out whether someone is a sexual risk to children.

It's her child's father

Trust your instincts - no

@AngelAurora because fathers don't abuse their kids?

it's a stranger who she doesn't know. also it's not the father requesting on stay and what kind of creep suggests on stay without even meeting the baby first

Thank you I don’t have anyone really. But like I’ve already stated my child won’t be unsupervised or staying overnight. I have realised a lot from this thread

@AngelAurora - read again. OP says

However his sister has offered to have my child overnight.

And not all fathers are safe to be around children anyway.

Don't be so naive.