Doing a Sarah’s law on my child’s dad he doesn’t know

[FirstTimeMum0]

hi after being a single mother for 6 months out of the blue my child’s farther messages me. He has since barely messaged me after meeting his child a few times. However his sister has offered to have my child overnight. I never have any help no close family near me so it’s very rare I get a brake. Do I tell her I’ve done a Sarah’s law on her brother? I don’t even know if to let any of his family see my child. Obviously I won’t be able to share what I find out from it on here or with anyone. It’s just a lot to take on

Erm, Sarah's law is for looking up previous sexual abuse offences. If you aren't concerned about sexual abuse, why did you apply?

Did you mean Claires law? That's for domestic violence.

Why via social media, do you not even have a relationship with her where you contact via phone???

@FirstTimeMum0 it must be hard feeling so alone with a baby, I can understand you wanting to find some family for yourself and your child.

If you do want to get a relationship with your baby's aunt then I would take it slowly - day visits, play sessions with you all. You can then decide when your baby is older and the relationship is established with the aunt if it's safe and appropriate to leave her in her care for short periods of time.

Does it matter how I contact her? At least on social media I check if a message has been viewed.

Thank you this is what I’m going to do.

Yes it does, because it indicates you’ve absolutely no real life relationship with this woman,

Is that what you taken from someone sending a message via social media 😂😂

Bottom line is your baby doesn't know this person and neither do you. Blood connections mean nothing. Don't leave your baby unattended with a stranger.

Op, kindly don’t make assumptions about people just because they’re mothers. The news on any given day and some high-profile historical cases will tell you that we cannot assume someone can be trusted with kids just because they are already a mother themselves. It’s depressing indeed but sadly true.

sarahs law is sexual abuse they wont disclose anything else even if he has been charged with other offences

dnt let the baby go anywhee overnight

To summarise .. you don’t know this woman very well .

The dad you have such concerns about you looked at Clare’s law about him .

I bought up my Ds with no family support ..

having family involvement and letting child have family and staying up supervised are separate .

That sounds like a better first step OP, and just because someone has a child doesn't mean they actually keep them safe or even know about the "wrong'uns" in their lives. If every mother was capable of keeping their kids safe we would never hear of child abuse cases in the news.

Well done for taking the advice on board and refusing to let these people take your child unsupervised.

I appreciate you can't share what you found, but did you find something that would make you worry for the safety of your child?

And if your child goes to this woman's house is he likely to also visit?

Thank you like I said this thread has definitely been a huge wake up call. It’s horrible to imagine someone doing something so terrible as it’s never something I could do myself, but it does happen and all advice good and bad has been taken on board

Are you quite ok? Yes when someone says they’ve only met someone a few times and contacts them via social media, it clearly indicates no real relationship. You clearly know you’ve no real relationship, so why pretend?

like I said I won’t be doing the overnight stay till my next step is to meet up with her when I am also there with my child and she could bring her children as well. She seems sensible not to let him in if I asked her not to and he tried, but like I’ve said an overnight stay won’t be happening anytime soon this has open my eyes

I know couples that have been together years that prefer to talk of social media. It is literally personal preference

If you aren't comfortable with the baby being around him, I wouldn't reach out to his family. I know you want your baby to have a family, but the most important thing is to protect them, you can't trust that she won't let her brother see the baby. I wouldn't contact her and let the relationship fade, and concentrate on building up a network of friends instead.

He loyalty is with her brother. If he isn't allowed contact I'd be very cautious about letting her have unsupervised visits. Your child cam have family without having overnights or unsupervised contact.

The fact that you’re still considering it, even if not right now, it means you have not, in fact, got a wake up call.

**

Yes this. Even my sister or brothers child I would see them all together.

Yes that’s what we’re going to do.

Personally I would be suspicious. I would expect she is trying to let her brother have access without telling you. I wouldn’t let them in. If you have issues with your babies dad it’s a big red flag.

@FirstTimeMum0 I think that’s an excellent idea! You and her and DC all meeting up. Anything else at this point leaves you and/or your baby too vulnerable

It’s so good you’ve taken a step back to think about this and haven’t let the need for a break make the decision for you. And my goodness I can relate to that need for even just a couple of hours. Not even to be away from my baby, just to share the load.

If she’s a decent person, spending some time out with her and her DC will be a break of sorts if that makes sense. And if she’s decent she won’t push for unsupervised contact instead.

Good luck!

She could easily let her brother have access and you wouldn't know.
You are risking everything, most importantly your child's well being.
Don't allow any contact.