Doing a Sarah’s law on my child’s dad he doesn’t know

[FirstTimeMum0]

hi after being a single mother for 6 months out of the blue my child’s farther messages me. He has since barely messaged me after meeting his child a few times. However his sister has offered to have my child overnight. I never have any help no close family near me so it’s very rare I get a brake. Do I tell her I’ve done a Sarah’s law on her brother? I don’t even know if to let any of his family see my child. Obviously I won’t be able to share what I find out from it on here or with anyone. It’s just a lot to take on

Wait and see what the report says.

Sarah's Law is a sex offenders disclosure scheme, all they would be able to disclose is if he has a history as child sex offender so if that is not your concern then it may not be what you need.

Yes of course I have met his sister. She has also met my child.

Are you sure about a Sarah's Law request then?

Also don't hand your child to someone you/they don't know. Are you actually seriously considering that?!

I have met his sister a few times she has also met my child. She has children herself all in her care ect. No he isn’t on the birth certificate. I don’t have any help from my family I wanted my child to grow up with some family around them sorry if this makes me a bad mum.

I am not aloud to share with anyone if I find anything out otherwise I can be prosecuted

Unfortunately you can’t just palm your baby off on a total stranger because you want a break. Your child’s safety / vulnerability comes first and always. It’s what being a parent is basically.

Keep your baby with you.

OP, your posts seem confusing.
people on here are warning you because of things you mentioned but you’re tippytoeing about the subject being overly vague.
If you're actually looking for constructive suggestions you need to be a bit more specific.

For example, you never mentioned you met the “SIL”. Rightfully, everyone assumed you never met the bugger.
Now you’re saying you met several times etc etc.

You mentioned Sarah’s law which is only to do with Child sex abuse and then you say you have no concerns surrounding that…?

Can you give some vague context?
For example the nature of concerns (rather than the exact examples).
TBH even if you have exact examples.. you’re anonymous who could prove it’s you?

But that's what Sarah's Law is all about.

No he isn’t on the birth certificate. And yes his sister has met both me and baby.

My mum and my sister where the only people I trusted with my baby. Once he started nursery I vetted them and felt happy it was a safe environment. I'd say no, you and your baby need to build a relationship with any person you trust them with.

That doesn't make you a bad Mum OP, but you can't give the sister an overnight when you are so concerned about the Dad you've done a Sarah's law check.

The sister can still have a relationship with the child supervised with you. Build the relationship like that, but don't let your baby out of your sight around that side of the family.

I know you need a break but thay aren't the ones to provide you with that respite. You can't trust them OP. Please, just build the relationship with you supervising, don't let them take your baby behind closed doors. Xx

Please don’t do that, this mock oh it makes me a bad mum to want pekoe round, you know this isn’t what was said. What was said is if you’re concerned enough to seek a disclosure then you need to protect your baby, and you can’t send them over night to someone you’ve only met a few times.

I think there are 2 separate issues, no? If something turned up in the search of your ex, then keep him away from your DC. Why is his sister involved in that unless you have searched for her too?

If you need a break, where are your friends? If you have no family help, that's one thing, but if you have no friends that could give you an afternoon off once in a while, then go to some baby groups and make some friends.

I'm also a single mum, and as nice as it would be to have a couple of hours to myself to get things done, a full overnighter seems excessive if you have concerns about the person you would be leaving your baby with.

The risk is that her request came at the same time because he asked her to, and she would let him take his baby if she was looking after the baby for the night since he’s her brother and the baby’s father. And that you might never see your baby again. It seems too coincidental and I simply couldn’t. I really do appreciate that you are crying out for a rest, but it’s too unthinkable what could to wrong. if you think she’s genuine you can meet her with baby briefly somewhere public. I’m afraid she can’t come to your house if she doesn’t know where it is already as then she might tell the baby’s dad, and it sounds like that’s a bad ideals

How many times has the sister met you and the baby?

The more family this child has the better but just because they’re blood, doesn’t mean they’re good.

Take things slow, invite the sister round, meet in a park and for a coffee etc and then eventually you can start leaving your child with her.
If she’s a single parent too then you can take turns babysitting.

Buy you have concerns about the dad and the sister will most likely choose her brother over you.

The fact that he’s all of a sudden got in contact and now all of a sudden the sister wants an overnight would have alarm bells ringing for me.

I’d probably tell the sister that you’ve heard some things about him recently and you’re concerned about him being with the child and so you just need to take things slowly.

Sarah’s Law is for child sexual offences though. Do you mean a different one?

Maybe I do I wanted to find out about previous convictions. I guess at least if there’s anything like that though now I’ll know

This. Why would you send your child overnight to somebody you don't know and more importantly child doesn't know

This

Agree with this.

@FirstTimeMum0 I appreciate being a single mum is hard and a break would be good, but you must see that leaving your child overnight with someone when you have serious concerns about their father, the sibling of who you'll be leaving them with, is not the greatest of ideas?

As I have already said she has met myself and my child.

I wouldn't risk it. Employ a babysitter

I understand that just with her having children herself my mind automatically thought she must be safe. This thread has given me a big wake up all and I think what I’m going to do next is contact her via social media and see if she would like to arrange a day out with me my child and her children ect.