AIBU to address post using Maiden names?

[Notablippifan]

This is a slightly silly one but over something my family does that annoys me at times.

I've been married to my husband for 7 years and when we got married I told my family that I had decided to keep my maiden name as I felt it was a big part of my identity and I didn't want to change.
Anyway my mum's side of the family are very traditional and I could see from their faces they didn't approve of this. From then onwards they've all been sending me post with my first name and my husband's surname. A few times I've messaged them saying "Thank you for the package but you put the wrong surname so you're lucky it didn't go elsewhere" just to make a point. They have repeatedly ignored this.

Would it be unreasonable to start sending them post using their maiden names just to be annoying? Super petty I know but it would give me a laugh!

Annoying & petty. Just do RTS on things they send you with your married name on.

Extremely annoying.

I think you should be firmer in your message to them. "Dear family. I know you think it's wrong that I did not take DH's name, but I didn't and that is my choice. I find it extremely rude that you can't seem to remember or understand this. Please stop using his name when you post things to me."

Having said that, I've accepted that older family members can't seem to get this right and let it go. I did get shirty as above or some version with a few friends who made a song and dance about it.

I don't think it will work. They think you are in the wrong for not taking your husband's name and that they are addressing post correctly. They are so convinced their way is the right way they will see you using their maiden name as wrong and therefore just silly rather than making the valid point you are trying to do.

RTS is possibly a more annoying and petty solution, if that's what you're looking for.

Anyway Yanbu, OP.

My MIL insists on addressing things to "Mrs Hugh Jackman." As if I am now not even my own person and just property of DH.

Disclaimer, unfortunately Hugh Jackman isn't really my DH.

Sometimes it's hard to remember who changed their name after marriage and who didn't. I normally check social media if I can but other times I have to guess. I think sending them mail with their maiden names would look petty and immature but they'll probably just get a laugh out of it anyway.

I think you're being petty and a bit weird tbh.

Sorry, but this is bollocks.

Before we got married, people had no problem remembering names or even writing both names on Christmas cards.

After married, it's suddenly hard? No, because if you can remember someone's name, you can remember it whether they've changed it or not.

@ohrattan my mum (not MIL) did the same thing. Eventually I told her that anything that didn't have my name on it wasn't for me and I was going to RTS or bin it without opening. She now begrudgingly uses my own initial.

I have this even amongst my peers - I have repeatedly told them that I've kept my maiden name but I still get post addressed to Mr and Mrs Husbandsname.

They've all taken their husbands name, so maybe it's something to do with that.

It's annoying but what can you do. In the grand scheme of things it matters very little.

Personally I wrote NOT KNOWN AT THIS ADDRESS and stuck it back in the post. Anyone who has ever met me, let alone my family, knows I am not the type of person to go along with a ridiculous patriarchal ‘tradition’.

If it's just a couple of older relatives I would ignore it - they won't be around much longer and then it won't be a problem. If it's your mum or people likely to carry this on for years and years, then I would definitely say something again.

It's not her "married name," it's not her name at all. But agree on RTS.

It's annoying but I would just roll my eyes and ignore. As long as your post gets to you.

My parents have a neighbour who sends post back unopened if it is addressed to Ms and not Miss. She has shot herself in the foot a couple of times because of this.

I experience this too and it's irritating but I just roll my eyes. Some of the older generation don't just think it's "proper" but seem convinced that when a woman marries her "legal name" is actually Mrs Whatever, whether she chooses to use it or not. I've sometimes asked if they can tell me the Act of legislation that makes that provision but they pretend not to hear me.

Pre covid when I was in the office most days my mum would send birthday parcels to the office to make sure I got them. She had to address them to Miss Myname as no one would have known who Mrs Husband was. I think it must have pained her to do it!

Umm that would be more annoying and petty! I think OP’s suggestion is a good one, and gets the point across.

It's something that really irritates me too because 99% of the time they know full well that it is incorrect but they do it anyway because they don't agree with it.

I go with 'not known at this address'.

Thanks for your replies. It's interesting to hear what people think!
I won't go ahead with the Maiden name idea. It's just something silly that popped into my head.
It's my aunts and cousins that are doing it for those who asked. It's not just older family members. It feels like they agreed together to do it. My parents have both passed away but I have one grandma left from my dad's side and she's the only one who respects my wishes and uses my correct name.

I agree with this. There’s no point trying to out-game game players- it just validates the strategy.

I haven't changed my name (although tbh I am going to double barrel, but 4 years on I haven't got around to it).
I had someone send me a parcel with my married name and I couldn't collect it from the post office unless I showed my marriage certificate as I had no ID in that name!
Might be worth pointing out the practical difficulty to them.

Well my ex SIL and BIL used to send me things with my name spelt wrong all the time (and once tried to TELL me how my name SHOULD be spelt...it's not a novel name, just one that has 2 main alternate spellings due to being translated from another language).

I got very creative with the spelling of their names and they eventually got the message.

I’d just make up names for them all @Notablippifan - middle names. Maiden names. If they can’t respect your chosen name chooses why should you?

When DH was in the Armed Forces one (older) family member always sent post to us with his rank even though we continually asked them not to as we were advised it is a security risk. Christmas card still comes with rank even though he is now ex-forces. I guess they just think they are in the right and are being accurate, we think they are daft (and they're wrong).

I like the ideas of made-up names or creative spellings. You could have a lot of fun with that. It might not stop them but it’ll turn it into a joke for you rather than a source of irritation.

That seems like a good approach to me.

I am unsure whether OP´s approach would be as constructive... But I definitely understand wanting to do that!