AIBU to address post using Maiden names?

[Notablippifan]

This is a slightly silly one but over something my family does that annoys me at times.

I've been married to my husband for 7 years and when we got married I told my family that I had decided to keep my maiden name as I felt it was a big part of my identity and I didn't want to change.
Anyway my mum's side of the family are very traditional and I could see from their faces they didn't approve of this. From then onwards they've all been sending me post with my first name and my husband's surname. A few times I've messaged them saying "Thank you for the package but you put the wrong surname so you're lucky it didn't go elsewhere" just to make a point. They have repeatedly ignored this.

Would it be unreasonable to start sending them post using their maiden names just to be annoying? Super petty I know but it would give me a laugh!

How many people deliberately refer to you by the wrong name because they think that's what your name should be then?

How many people deliberately refer to you by the wrong name because they think that's what your name should be then?

And how far do they take it, I wonder. Do they think the former Prime Minister (the one when the late Queen died) is really Mrs. O'Leary? Or is the Vice President of the United States Mrs. Emhoff?

And, for that matter, do they ever do it to men?

Yeah, every woman I have ever met, changed her name to her husband's on marriage
How do you even know this? When I meet a woman, she might mention her husband's name is Bob or whatever, but she rarely would say his surname. Certainly not every woman I've "met" as opposed to ones I've become close to. And I addressed a friend's Christmas card for years to Mr and Mrs Smith, having no idea that my friend Jane Smith had kept her own name and her husband was called something else. I don't think most people I work with know whether my dh has the same name as me or not, it has never come up.

Yes, that's a good point. Anyone who thinks they know this about every woman they've met, even assuming actually mean every woman they know, is making an assumption. It's not like you'd know because they were using Mrs either: some women do that whilst not changing their name.

This is why I address all my Christmas cards to people’s first names, ‘Alex and Alexa’, ‘Bob and Bennie’, etc.

@Notablippifan *
If it was a mistake I wouldn't really care but it bothers me that it's intentional and they're trying to force their views on me*

They are trying to wind you up and it's working brilliantly. Sometimes the best thing to do is let people like that crack on with whtever it is they're doing and dont give it a moments more thought

....and that's why there's address books. Presumably you don't know all their addresses by heart either?

I kept my name and I was amazed at how many people felt they had a right to an opinion about it.

One friend in particular was incredibly offended by my choice 😂 like wtf?

The same Friend called me the night before her own wedding in tears because her father had died (a couple of years earlier) and she was wondering if she was doing the right thing losing her name, which was also her dad's name. I was kinda thinking 'yeh, I don't give a fuck. That sounds a bit like a 'you' issue'. Though I did what a good friend does and did the 'you gotta do what feels right to you and it will be ok' speech.

In fairness I've never once regretted keeping my name. Dhs aunts send cheques for the kids with my first name and his surname. I've told them it's pointless as nobody can cash them.

I'm not bothered if people presume I have his name but it does bother me when teachers use it

I just couldn't be bothered to be bothered about this.

Question: have any of the people who think this is a trivial thing ever actually been in this situation?

Because a woman who chose to take her husband's name on marriage thinking it is no big deal if people call you Mrs Husbandsname is about as surprising as bears shitting in the woods and the Pope being Catholic.

I'd be more interested to hear from a woman who didn't change her name but thinks that being called Mrs Husbandsname is fine.

And of course that’s up to you, but can you not see how people just want be called by their own name? People shorten my name without asking me and it’s so frustrating - that’s not my name!! My friend gets hers shortened to an anglicised version of her name (it’s an Indian name which is very easy to pronounce, easier than my name!).

Doing it once, fine, it’s a mistake, but when you tell people that it is not your name and they continue to do it, it becomes a problem, a form of micro aggression. Strangely I have never seen this happen to white men in the UK. Yes, I have heard them correct someone, but they never make the same mistake again!

I've taken cheques like that into the bank along with my marriage certificate and they cashed them

But you're bothered enough to read the thread and go to the bother of informing everyone on it how unbothered you are.

If you notice this notice ...

It's a cheque for £10 😂

I've told them before but they keep doing it. It's a DH issue. I'm not digging out my marriage certificate and taking 2 hours out of my Saturday to go to the bank for £10

What did she do in the end?

If anyone sends you a parcel and it goes to the post office if you're not in, you can't claim it with no ID in that name. Hope nobody is sending Xmas gifts. People are ridiculous.

@SerafinasGoose just giving my opinion on it dear.

No different to you.

I think that poster's username gives a clue as to what she did/would do about her surname upon marriage.

Just let it go., It's probably easier for them to write

Mr & Mrs H Smith

than Mr H Smith and Mrs D Barrington-Hall, for example. So they go for the lazy shorter option.

Good point.

She doesn't say they've been sending her and her husband post. She says they've been sending her post with her name and her husband's surname.

So they aren't writing Mr & Mrs H Smith, they're writing Mrs D Smith when her name is Mrs D Barrington-Hall.

Even if something is addressed to both of them, it takes literally seconds to write both people's actual names on the envelope.

They're not doing it because it's "easier", and even if they were that would be a shitty excuse.

If they hadn't been reminded that the OP hasn't changed her name, they would be doing it because they had made a sexist assumption that the OP had taken her husband's surname.

Since they have been reminded, it is clear that they are doing it deliberately because they disagree with her decision. That's really disrespectful.

She took her husbands name and we never spoke of it again 😂