Catered for 8 and no one showed up

[TheFailedCaterer]

I was in tears all of last night and I know shit happens but I’m so so annoyed.

Solid group of 6. 2 have partners, 4 singles, none of us have kids. For the past few weeks everyone has been seriously discussing meeting up as it’s the 5 year mark of us graduating Uni and going out into the working world.

We decided on yesterday. I and another woman initially wanted to go to a pub/restaurant but some others suggested that we’d do a BBQ instead. My house was the most “centrally” located for everyone so we decided that I’d host it.

Yesterday morning one of the group said in the group chat that she was tired so she and her boyfriend would be cancelling. 2 more cancelled, one due to it being a long week at work and one due to her niece being sick.

Someone then said that now that there’s 3 of us left should we take a rain check! The other one agreed so the whole event is now postponed to who knows when! I wouldn’t have minded but I bought so much food. They picked out the food (was taking pics and sending it on the group chat while they chose which ones they wanted) and it included things like a whole sushi platter that can’t be bloody kept and brisket/seafood that are fresh and I’ll never finish on my own.

AIBU to be completely pissed off? We all get tired but it feels so selfish to me to cancel at the last minute like this.

That's horrible OP.
It may be time to leave this friendship behind - they have been very disrespectful of your time, money and effort.

You are totally justified in being annoyed but I'd disregard the over-reactions. Its November, people are tired and cold (unless you are in Oz based on the bbq comment!) and people are allowed to feel unwell or exhausted. Nothing to say they don't like you ... enjoy the leftovers and let someone else host next time :)

I mean just send the total cost of the good, that they’ve seen you’ve purchased, and divvy it up to how much each person/couple owes. Done.

This is the norm for people, especially these days. It’s easy to block but the next group will probably be the same too

Sadly my experience too. DH says oh try xyz to make new friends - I say what's the point, I dont want new friends, I just give up!

Oh, that's horrible.

Please put it behind you and don't offer to fmdo it again. It's not a reflection on you but a reflection of them 😰

OP I'm raging right now on your behalf!! They were tired, a niece was sick WTF??? Pathetic reasons. It suggests no one really thought about anyone else. I have some friends like this, they tend to get told about events after everyone else has confirmed cos I can't rely on them. The 'let's just cancel cos there are only 3 of us' is such BS. 3 is plenty.

Eat what you can, freeze what you can, put it down to experience and never host them again. It was extremely rude and thoughtless of them to let you down.

Wow, none of them even bothered to come up with better excuses either, too tired? Send them a bill each and consider if they are actually friends.

Yep, send a message along with photos of the food , along with your bank details and an an amount they can kindly transfer to you for leaving you out of pocket.

My reaction too.

I’m so sorry! I also have some flakey friends and it’s soo disappointing, especially when you’ve made an effort or you were looking forward to something! I think tiredness is a really crap excuse, I would never rather sit on the sofa/go to sleep than see my friends unless I was ill.

I have a few friends who won’t cancel unless they’re either throwing up or there’s been a disaster so these people do exist!

If I were you I would ask for suggestions of what to do with the food (so they realise they’ve inconvenienced you) and I wouldn’t offer to host again

Are you uk? A bbq in November?

Guys, I understand that every has their own reasons for not showing up and that's ok but If we arrange another get together could we perhaps just meet out as I did spent alot on food for the night and i was just left not only out of pocket but to be honest quite disappointed 😔 i dont want to make a big de about it but just want to be upfront and honest x

Spot on. Send this!

I'd be devastated, and it'd be a long time before I hosted any of them.

However, I'd try to separate the collective rejection. Try to think about each person individually and think about how you'd feel if that person hadn't come and the other 7 had shown up. So that each 1 isn't carrying all the disappointment.

That sounds really hard as I type it.

Bill them each for an 8th of the food they have wasted & freeze what you can. Next meet up is restaurant, pub or nothing.

Shockingly bad manners. Do they think all this food just fell in your lap, with no work or cost to you?! I would be letting them know how inconvenient it was and suggesting they might like to make some sort of contribution to the cost. I also wouldn't be hosting the re-scheduled barbeque. So selfish.

She can't do that!

If just one person or two people hadn't shown up, the OP wouldn't send a bill. So it's not going to repair the friendships if she sends a bill. That's like punishing each one for what the other 7 also happened to do. COMPLETELY understandable but not logical.

I get that people will say but they're shit friends find new ones. That's not so easy. I'd withdraw for a bit, lick your wounds @TheFailedCaterer maybe get in touch with different friends outside of that group just to take your mind off all of it.

Their excuses are so lame it’s insulting. And I bet the first one triggered the rest because they could see it all in chat.

They don’t sound like friends worth keeping. Sorry you’ve been let down, OP.

I would have to tell them I had spent money on food that is going to be wasted

OP, I really feel for you, but why did you all arrange a BBQ for a Monday night in November?

Cut your losses and cut them off.

Nearly have you actually read the thread .. the OP lives in Australia where clearly the weather is a lot different ...

So tedious when people don't read the thread before commenting...

But I guess it was still Monday yesterday??

It’s not the cancelling that would have annoyed me it would be the fact that no one offered to help cover your costs.