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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect dd to tolerate her brothers playing while she's trying to sleep?

332 replies

Mastmw7g · 13/11/2023 05:39

My 10 year old likes to sleep late, but her brothers wake up early and play in the mornings. They make noise when they play. I think it's a good thing because they're spending time together and not on screens. But dd keeps getting upset that they wake her up. Then she comes out of her room and it starts a fight and dh gets upset because that wakes him up and he also likes to sleep late.

OP posts:
beachcitygirl · 14/11/2023 13:39

Caterpillarsleftfoot · 14/11/2023 13:23

It is a waste of a day though. You can be up and out going out somewhere. Your circadian rhythm is designed to be awake in the light and asleep in the dark. You can go outside, walk, cycle, exercise, get fresh air and visit places. If you sleep in until 10 am. When are you eating meals? Getting daylight? Evenings tend to be sitting on your backside watching TV. Daytime you can do things.

It also means she's likely tired in school days as it's so far out from what she's sleeping at the weekend. We get up at the same time and go to bed at the same time every day regardless so it's much easier to get up for work/ school on a weekday.

Maybe YOUR evenings are spent sitting on your backside watching tv.
What you can't seem to compute is that some of us think YOUR day seems a waste.

Our family laze & read in bed ALL morning (at least until noon) a well read kid is the most wonderful thing.

Followed by a fab brunch &

Then lovely afternoon walks or cycles or swim or shop for new books or just meandering or thinking or replanting or baking or painting or alone time and then our
Evenings
are spent shopping & cooking together, big tables with food & wine & music and board games & jigsaws and chatter & then popcorn and a movie late at night & chatting & chums or family over.

Your way sounds awful to me. Dullsville
Stop assuming you've got it right.

To all the larks with hoovers & washers on at 9am - I bet you're sleeping on the sofa in front of the telly by 8pm. 🥱
Probably with wine having got your kids out of your sight. Yuk

Mushroo · 14/11/2023 13:42

Caterpillarsleftfoot · 14/11/2023 13:23

It is a waste of a day though. You can be up and out going out somewhere. Your circadian rhythm is designed to be awake in the light and asleep in the dark. You can go outside, walk, cycle, exercise, get fresh air and visit places. If you sleep in until 10 am. When are you eating meals? Getting daylight? Evenings tend to be sitting on your backside watching TV. Daytime you can do things.

It also means she's likely tired in school days as it's so far out from what she's sleeping at the weekend. We get up at the same time and go to bed at the same time every day regardless so it's much easier to get up for work/ school on a weekday.

Why so sanctimonious?

A typical Saturday might be:

  • wake up at 9ish, get out of bed about 9:30, shower, watch Saturday kitchen whilst having a leisurely brunch.
  • Walk to the local shops and market to do some shopping. Drive to a local nice walk or national trust type place. Be out say from 12ish - 4ish in the daylight (might have a coffee and cake whilst out or a light lunch).
  • Get home about 4/5 do housework etc.
  • Either stay in for the evening, go out for dinner, the cinema, the gym, play board games, loads of options!
  • Eat dinner around 7 depending on what we’ve decided to do.

Nothing wasted, lots of steps and fresh air, just in the afternoon. I have no desire to be up at 7am for a 10 mile hike.

HonoriaLucastaDelagardie · 14/11/2023 15:34

Nothing wasted, lots of steps and fresh air, just in the afternoon.

I find places are often less busy if you go mid-afternoon, whether it's a tourist attraction or your local Sainsbury's. All the early risers have been and gone!

Whiteday · 14/11/2023 15:35

HonoriaLucastaDelagardie · 14/11/2023 15:34

Nothing wasted, lots of steps and fresh air, just in the afternoon.

I find places are often less busy if you go mid-afternoon, whether it's a tourist attraction or your local Sainsbury's. All the early risers have been and gone!

I find the exact opposite! Sunday afternoons in Sainsbury’s is hell!

Original poster
Mastmw7g · 14/11/2023 17:03

Kwasi · 14/11/2023 07:46

If he’s up at 5am, you can’t make him sit in silence for five hours.

It seems like your family lacks structure and routine. Do you not do family stuff at weekends?

Show quote history

He's very quiet until his brother gets up. I don't make him be quiet, he's just considerate of the fact he's up early. When my 6 year old wakes up and they start interacting, he often forgets to be quiet. I've moved the toys. We'll see in a few days if that helps.

And yes, we do things as a family. We just moved and there's things to get for the house. For example, Saturday I took the kids to ikea in the morning. Then we went home because my 10 year old has a friend coming over. Then after that DH took my 10 year old on a hike.

OP posts:
paddlinglikecrazy · 14/11/2023 17:43

I’d get the boys to chose a couple of toys they want to play with the night before & bring them downstairs for the morning.
They wouldn’t need to keep the noise down as much then, I’d say after 9am a free for all 🤷‍♀️
My two easily sleep in until 10am on a Saturday morning 🙂 they’re 9 and 12.
They play lots of sport & have football matches every Sunday morning or would probably sleep until late then too !

XMissPlacedX · 14/11/2023 21:38

My dd also likes to sleep late on the weekend, doesn't struggle to get up for school during the week, just enjoys a lay in. Can your boys play downstairs until 10 ( colouring/ painting etc) and then do more noisy activities after 10? I totally get it op, we have had the same sort of issue in the past with our dc's.

PhantomUnicorn · 14/11/2023 22:07

my 'circadian rhythm' certainly is not designed to be awake in the light and asleep in the dark, because i have delayed sleep phase syndrome due to ADHD.

my natural sleep time is 2/3am til 8/9am if i'm left alone to sleep naturally when i'm tired, and wake when i'm ready.

However, in the world that is built around Larks, i am perpetually sleep deprived because i have to be up at 6.30 am, so i'm living on an average 4hrs sleep monday-friday, and having to use my weekends to try and catch up on missed sleep.

Quite frankly anyone i lived with refused to 'pander' to my need to sleep later on weekends would have me banging a tambourine outside their door at midnight chanting 'if i can't get no sleep coz of y'all then y'all aint getting no sleep coz of me'

If i can be quiet knowing the others in my house are sleeping 11-6, and them have an hours quiet on waking then they can manage some manners to leave me sleep in peace and keep the noise down til 9am.

Whowhatwherewhenwhy1 · 14/11/2023 22:23

Get her some silicone ear plugs. She may as well deal with it as she is going to have many more years of them being up and her wanting to lie in.

daffodilandtulip · 14/11/2023 22:44

I was boring studious as a teen, sister was the party animal. I left home at 15 as my parents chose to put her needs first...

Can't you come up with a compromise that doesn't prefer one over the other?

daffodilandtulip · 14/11/2023 22:49

My mother was like this and I bloody hated it. I don’t wake the DC up early (9 is still quite early for a weekend for older kids) unless we have plans. It’s just cruel.

Same and agree. If we weren't up by 9, we weren't allowed to wash or eat breakfast, as the cleaning had been done. Nothing worse than being woken by a hoover at 8am when you've had a busy week. (Mother didn't work, before you all tell me she was busy too.)

Coconutdragon · 14/11/2023 23:09

Kwasi · 14/11/2023 07:46

If he’s up at 5am, you can’t make him sit in silence for five hours.

It seems like your family lacks structure and routine. Do you not do family stuff at weekends?

Show quote history

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
This is madness. "Structure and routine" at weekends.
Weekends are for resting! Ask God!

Original poster
Mastmw7g · 15/11/2023 12:07

daffodilandtulip · 14/11/2023 22:44

I was boring studious as a teen, sister was the party animal. I left home at 15 as my parents chose to put her needs first...

Can't you come up with a compromise that doesn't prefer one over the other?

I don't think I'm putting anyone's needs first or preferring one kid over another.

OP posts:
DangerousAlchemy · 15/11/2023 12:17

If you don't mind me asking OP why does your DH get up in the mornings to 'give medicine' to your children then go back to bed straight after then get back up to do a work call then go back to bed again? Is he not well? Why is he so tired all the time? Once he's up surely he's wide awake? Anyway that just struck me as a bit odd. It's clear your DD has inherited your DH love of sleep so compromises need to be made I think. Once my kids were teenagers they could easily sleep in til midday at weekends if no one actually woke them. Some kids do need a lot more sleep than others.

Original poster
Mastmw7g · 15/11/2023 12:39

@DangerousAlchemy He is tired often. He eats well and exercises, but stays up late. I doubt he gets good, quality sleep in the mornings, but not for lack of effort in constantly lying back down.

OP posts:
jannier · 15/11/2023 12:57

Coconutdragon · 14/11/2023 23:09

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
This is madness. "Structure and routine" at weekends.
Weekends are for resting! Ask God!

Show quote history

Isn't that Sundays

PollyPut · 15/11/2023 13:39

Your DD is being unreasonable. As is your DH

Coconutdragon · 15/11/2023 17:04

jannier · 15/11/2023 12:57

Isn't that Sundays

Show quote history

I think it depends on the religion. If god were sensible, he/she/it would rest on both! :)

Pipistrellus · 15/11/2023 17:30

Coconutdragon · 15/11/2023 17:04

I think it depends on the religion. If god were sensible, he/she/it would rest on both! :)

Show quote history

For those of us who work Monday to Friday office hours, when would we ever get to get out there and have fun in the daylight if we are resting all weekend?

jannier · 15/11/2023 18:50

Coconutdragon · 15/11/2023 17:04

I think it depends on the religion. If god were sensible, he/she/it would rest on both! :)

Show quote history

Rest can also be going for a walk, doing a hobby etc. Of course.

Pipistrellus · 15/11/2023 19:03

jannier · 15/11/2023 18:50

Rest can also be going for a walk, doing a hobby etc. Of course.

Show quote history

Yes, I see the weekend more to recharge than rest. Especially getting out in the morning sun after a week inside.

katepilar · 15/11/2023 20:01

Mastmw7g · 15/11/2023 12:07

I don't think I'm putting anyone's needs first or preferring one kid over another.

Show quote history

From your posts I get an impression that you are actually putting your own "want" before your dds need to sleep. I dont get why you didnt send your boys to play downstairs when you have the space and let them play in front of your dds room when she is asleep to start with, let alone after she complains about it.
Yes, it would be great if all of you woke up at about the same time but people are just different. I am sure your dd feels like she doesnt matter if she cant get her sleep needs met. You can try to get her go to sleep earlier and wake earlier and see if that helps. Simply telling her to put up with it isnt very understanding parenting in my eyes.

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