to expect dd to tolerate her brothers playing while she's trying to sleep?

[Mastmw7g]

My 10 year old likes to sleep late, but her brothers wake up early and play in the mornings. They make noise when they play. I think it's a good thing because they're spending time together and not on screens. But dd keeps getting upset that they wake her up. Then she comes out of her room and it starts a fight and dh gets upset because that wakes him up and he also likes to sleep late.

That doesn’t mean 8am is the crack of dawn though!

Well, in much of the UK, in winter, 8am pretty much is the crack of dawn!

I'm on the dd's side here. I'm an owl and used to hate being woken by people who thought that just because they were up, everyone should be up. There's nothing especially virtuous about being an early riser.

One of the benefits of living alone is that I can please myself unless I have to be up and out somewhere in the morning. I'll often be doing something productive into the early hours, and sleep later in the morning.

And I don't see why everyone has to rush around every weekend doing 'activities '. Everyone should take more time to chill.

And calling her a princess is just nasty.

That's an odd routine surely 7 is when most school kids are up and not that early.....many arrive at mine for 7.30 having had breakfast and head to school at 8.15.
Has your oh asked a GP why he needs to sleep so much and looked at things like sleep apnopea or depression?
Some people do turn their day into night by bad sleep habits the odd cat napping isn't going to allow a proper sleep cycle so he won't be refreshed.

Mine always been like this I could go in their room lights on put stuff away. Hoover the stairs etc.

But if you read the post on dad's schedule he gets up at 7am puts food out goes back to bed for an hour does school run has a meeting then goes back to bed that's a pretty wacky weekday routine

Thank you for answering my questions @Mastmw7g I am very glad that you enjoy getting up with your boys, and that you are happy that your husband does his fair share towards making your family a family.

I couldn't help but smile at your 12 year old's behaviour as it brought back many memories of my children at that age! Mine were probably in their early 20's when they realised that it was ok to give mum a hug and a kiss without me even asking!

I am not going to add my two tuppence worth into your childrens waking up and going to sleep times, I think you have had enough conflicting advice on that. But I do hope that you can pick out any of the bits of advice that resonate with you. You are obviously a very loving Mum with your children's best interests at heart, so I don't think that whatever you decide will harm them, as long as you don't get talked into going strongly against your own beliefs. 🫖 or ☕️ and 🥞 😊

I can see both sides here.

Some people are owls and don’t find early this bed, early to rise very restful or refreshing.

I find the pressure to “have an early night” quite stressful.

That said I think you’re DH should suck it up as he’s a parent.

Can you Dd wear earplugs? That sees me through the general “living in London” noise in the weekend mornings?

The boys should maybe keep it down a bit before 9 as it’s important they learn to consider others too.

I see the people who think getting up at 10 means you've 'wasted half the day' have arrived.

If I get up at 10am I haven't 'wasted half the day' any more than you have 'wasted half the evening' by going to bed significantly earlier than I do.

Some people are night owls, some people are larks. Neither one is superior.

OP's DD should be able to lie in for as long as she likes, although she can't expect the house to be silent, of course. Her brothers can obviously get up earlier if they prefer and should be allowed to play, but encouraged to do that fairly quietly until, eg, 9ish.

I'll be honest. As someone whose family are European, I very much judge people in the uk who are desperate to get their kids to bed by 7 7:30
Usually for "adult/wine" time.

I like my kids. I like their company. I like lazy long family meals that last till 9/10pm or later at weekends. I like socialising with my kids and I like long lazy lie in with a good book.

I usually silently judge but given the bonkers "up with the lark" "wasted the the day" nonsense on here.

I'm coming out.

She wants to stay up late then she has to deal with the consequences
8am is a reasonable time to wake up. DH needs to realise the same.
if they are screaming and running all over then yes younger children need to have respect re iterated to them but if playing in a room then not their problem.
im all for autonomy but a natural consequence of staying up late is that others wake up before you.

@Emrie well then dd should be free to make noise and play when her brothers are asleep at night. It's a natural consequence of going to bed early that others will still be awake.

But is that extra study you wouldn’t or couldn’t have done if you’d got up later? Because that’s a different thing.

If you want to do six hours study instead of three, or can’t study later on due to other commitments, then yes, staying in bed longer is a “waste”. But if you’re only planning on doing three hours anyway, or don’t have prior commitments, it doesn’t really matter what time of day you study, as long as you do.

@Celebrationsnakes I study from 11pm-1am usually (very much an owl)

Are you still awake doing activities or studying then? Or are you wasting those hours sleeping ?

I agree with this and also think your dh can sort it out, as it's him it bothers.

I feel for dd. It's like torture, being forced to lose sleep by selfish people with different sleeping patterns.

I’m guessing parents decide when the boys go to bed so hardly their chose.
she is 10 years old. Old enough to make decisions and choices. In the eyes of the law she is responsible for her actions. They are not.

my kids are under 6
they are in bed for 7. If they decide to stay up late I still wake them by 8am. They chose their bedtime but I still have work so therefore they need to be up for child care.
if they are tired then I remind them about getting appropriate sleep

Nope not wasting those hours sleeping. I usually go to sleep around midnight.

I always have other commitments so if I didn't study at that time of the morning it just wouldn't get done.

Precisely as I thought. You need those early hours because you don’t have time later on. That’s very different to just doing something at a different time of day so that you can have a lie-in.

Yes so if I were to have a lie in until 10 I would have wasted my day. That's not a judgement on anyone else. I don't care what anyone else does with their day , I was just saying for me I'd be wasting my day by staying in bed so long.

@Celebrationsnakes whilst I'm still
Studying. Yup, as I expected. Wasted hours sleeping/in bed.

Horses for courses

But the point I’m making is that you are talking about your own, very specific circumstances. It’s the implication from other posters that anyone not out of bed with a big smile at sunrise is “wasting the day” that’s the issue.

I get up around 11 at the weekend and have loads of commitments, I work best at night so I study into the wee hours.

You work best in the morning because you have commitments.

You are not superior & it's not wasted. I'd lay penny to a pound were "awake"'roundly the same amount of hours.

Different circadian rhythms do not wasting a day make.

I guessing that as the eldest boy is 12, he is also able to choose?

@Whiteday well said. Given that he's 2 years older than the girl in question.

Please show me where I said I was superior. In fact I said I have no judgement about other people. You seem to have a chip on your shoulder about this.

Yes, he puts himself to bed at 8. DH has actually tried to have the boys stay up later so they don't get up too early and they still go to bed around 7:45 to 8:15.