Why are you awful?

[ppppoff]

Aibu to ask why you are awful?

I have friends and a good family who I get on with 99% of the time (I think) and like to think of myself as a very normal person but I defiantly have my flaws that I am trying to recognise and own.

I've rubbed some people up the wrong way this week by my inability to apologise when I make a mistake. It is absolutely the worst possible thing when someone points out a mistake I have made or criticise me. I know I hold some childhood trauma of criticism and I get a physical reaction when it happens in adulthood and I quickly try to deflect and manipulate situations to try and wriggle my way out of holding my hands up and saying 'yep, sorry'

I also think I have a tight grip of control over others peoples ideas. I really back myself and believe my ideas to be correct unless someone gives me a watertight alternative that I can't find fault with. If someone's idea has cracks in it, I will usually dismiss it and just bound ahead with my own. I know this pisses people off but I'm so scared of going with perceived cracked ideas as I'm convinced they will fail.

Would just love to know what other failings you recognise in yourself to make me feel like I'm not a horrid person?

Ooo definitely hell 🤣 Any of us posters here are only going downwards 👇

@TerfTalking The good doesn't cancel out the bad. Just stop it.

I'm very disorganised and a massive procrastinator, to the point where it almost seems like self-sabotage. I also have very little ambition and have zero interest in personal growth or stepping outside my comfort zone.

I am also very impatient with certain types of people, and find it very hard to hide that fact. Usually people who I think are bad at thinking things through, or seem gullible/thick/whatever, even though I know it's not actually their fault.

Also, while I do feel genuinely sorry for people who have awful health issues, I secretly wish a lot of them would stop going on about them. Yes, it's awful to live with chronic pain or a mental health condition; I get that. I have experienced them. But also it's really fucking boring thing to keep going on about.

I also have awful spending habits that regularly land me in debt.

I judge the fuck out of people, and I'm comfortable with that. I'm also not good at sympathy. Sometimes things are shit, you need to suck it up and get on with it.

I admire that you're comfortable with that @shockeditellyou I feel so guilty sometimes for judging, and wish I didn't.

Also identify with the poster who procrastinates to the point of self sabotage!

I have anxiety and instead of telling people why I can't do things, I just look anti social and aloof.

I’m nice until you do something that really pisses me off. Then you just don’t exist.

Also, I would sooner back out of the room than comfort someone who’s upset 😳
Im more of a practical supporter than emotional.

I've got so many spiritual twins on this thread 😂 @Hmindr68 and @ManateeFair in particular. Let's arrange to go out together (we'll never make it) and spend all our money on fireworks!

I'm often too blunt, am sceptical, and I like sarcasm although I've dialled that back because it's no fun when nobody gets the joke. I've tried to be understanding about the reasons people believe in 'conspiracy theories' and factually impossible scenarios, but I still think they're so stupid they shouldn't be allowed out. I've got zero tolerance for competitive victimhood, faux sensitivity and all those bullying-by-weakness strategies that seem so ubiquitous at the moment. I can't even be bothered to pretend I give a shit.

I'm also a chain smoker, talk too loud and usually look like shit. Steer clear!!

Great topic, @ppppoff.

I'm opinionated and express myself too stridently to the point I can see sometimes I've alienated the person I'm speaking to.
I'm very vain about my appearance, always looking in the mirror.
I get very enthusiastic about things for a limited period of time and sometimes go on about them too much.
I laugh at inappropriate things. Even when it's completely against my values, if something is witty, clever and makes me laugh, I can't help myself.
I'm lazy and self indulgent.

I'm very judgmental and often feel slightly superior. I appear to be 'lovely' but the reality is definitely less so.

I don't suffer fools and am very bad at humoring people, but instead of discussing it, I often just cut people off completely.

I have a very well-paid job (£48K for what is essentially an admin role) I'm lazy in it because it's largely unmonitored and I form part of the Senior Leadership Team' so there is essentially nobody to tell me no.

I'm very materialistic - 'having nice things' is very important to me.

I'm lazy around the house, DH does a lot, and I let him.

Eeek!

To also add: I have very little interest in other people kids with the exception of family. A friend of mine will bring her teenage DC with her when we meet for coffee, lunch etc. I don't want to be making conversation with kids during an adult lunch/coffee time. TBH, I was horrified when she brought all 3 DC with her the other week (they are more than old enough to be left home alone if needed) I also felt terrible that I was out for lunch with her kids but didn't invite my own (there was no talk about inviting kids and if there had have been then I would have said no),
Likewise pets, I will never pet sit or look after someone's pets (fortunately none of my friends or family have any pets). I don't do animals and I have no interest in them.
As I get older I resent doing doing favours and going out of my way for anyone other than family. I will say no every time. I barely have enough time for me, let alone picking up anyone else's shit.

I also have very little ambition and have zero interest in personal growth or stepping outside my comfort zone.

I actually think I might add this to my form when preparing for my next annual review . I'm so sick of pretending to have a growth mindset.

I also have very little ambition and have zero interest in personal growth or stepping outside my comfort zone.

😁

Same! Just leave me alone!

Yes can’t we just do our jobs . It’s f we’re getting it wrong tell us but otherwise na thanks 🙏

I do and i know it comes from a place of being bonkers about my own weight and staying slim handed down from a mother who was the same. That sounds like an excuse I don’t mean it to. I never ever comment on weight or join in on chats about weight loss or what I’ve eaten so I am trying to change.

i was behind two women in the gym as in they were in machines in front of me, both had skintight tops on and those up the bum leggings,I think it’s partly me thinking why are you able to wear tight things why are you not a mass of insecurities about your weight.

No, you are. People posting on a thread called ‘why are you awful’ already know that they are, you coming in to say it again (with en extra side dish of you being perfect) is literally missing the point of the thread

Perhaps they're going for a show not tell approach.

I am desperate to be liked. I often shine socially at the first meeting but after that there's nothing left. I don't enjoy socialising and say the wrong thing. Overthink an event or interaction afterwards. I think I'm a bit autistic. Congratulate myself if a chance interaction goes well.
I place a lot of emphasis on looking good but would never admit it. I think it's my way of fitting in, although my style is unconventional so it's like I want to fit in but be better than you which isn't nice, but I don't feel like I fit in using the normal systems so this is my chance to do well.
I'm lazy and spend ages on my phone.
I'm no fun at parties as I don't drink and have intense conversations.
Id rather stay in with the kids and dh, but dc won't watch films with me anymore.

I have in the past been extremely judgemental of people. Not fitting in has caused me to dislike those that do. I am unsympathetic to these that make stupid decisions, especially if they drag the kids along with them. Im becoming increasingly conservative with age and whilst I love outliers and those that chose to do things differently, I have less sympathy for those that fail due to stupidity, selfishness or just having a limited grip on reality.

I feel like I have grown over the years but my goodness there's a long way to go.

This is the best thread I've ever seen.
I love you all (well I might if I had the emotion bandwidth).

And I've always been extremely jealous of women who have big boobs and/or are comfortable with their bodies.

I've noticed quite a lot of profiles on Bumble say 'looking for somebody ambitious and driven'. I just think, what's the point? None of us is getting out of here alive. Why bother.

Thanks for this chance to confess to my sins, OP!

I have very little patience with people who cry at work, or in other inappropriate contexts. ( MN disclaimer: I am NOT talking about people who might have recently been bereaved or are coping with some kind of chronic illness or other cause of non-everyday stress etc etc, I hasten to add.)

I've come across several young women - and they do tend to be young* in my experience - whose background, parents, whatever...has meant that no cloud has ever been allowed to appear in their sky. Tears flow at the any mild reprimand, any request to do a task which they 'don't like' or generally being put outside their comfort zone. I'm talking about graduate employees here, not very young school-leavers. One I was training asked me how she should go about claiming for her travel to and from work each day. When I gently explained that that doesn't happen in any job, she burst into tears and cried for half an hour!!

*Yes, we all start young and inexperienced but I was never like this! I'd been brought up to get on with things and not moan, and not to think I deserved special treatment, so I just did that. It's been an eye-opener to me to realise how entitled some people are in terms of not expecting to go through any stress or difficulty at work!

Almost zero tolerance to victim mentality. He did this to me, she did that to me blah blah. Where's your on responsibility to yourself, do you not have a brain of you own.

Loud, irritating people who are just a nuisance to everyone around. No I don't care to understand your situation- just don't impose yourself or situation on others.

These are all inward feelings though, so I distance myself or leave if I encounter them.

I am a snob, judgemental and a bit too loud.I am also a bit spoilt. Also not at all driven or ambitious unless you count an ambition to drop a day at work!
I do have positive qualities so they balance each other out (I think)

I enjoy playing devils advocate even when it pisses everyone off.