Why are you awful?

[ppppoff]

Aibu to ask why you are awful?

I have friends and a good family who I get on with 99% of the time (I think) and like to think of myself as a very normal person but I defiantly have my flaws that I am trying to recognise and own.

I've rubbed some people up the wrong way this week by my inability to apologise when I make a mistake. It is absolutely the worst possible thing when someone points out a mistake I have made or criticise me. I know I hold some childhood trauma of criticism and I get a physical reaction when it happens in adulthood and I quickly try to deflect and manipulate situations to try and wriggle my way out of holding my hands up and saying 'yep, sorry'

I also think I have a tight grip of control over others peoples ideas. I really back myself and believe my ideas to be correct unless someone gives me a watertight alternative that I can't find fault with. If someone's idea has cracks in it, I will usually dismiss it and just bound ahead with my own. I know this pisses people off but I'm so scared of going with perceived cracked ideas as I'm convinced they will fail.

Would just love to know what other failings you recognise in yourself to make me feel like I'm not a horrid person?

I struggle to forgive.

If you cross me, you are dead to me.

Apart from that, I am a ray of fricking sunshine.

Cancer will do that though. It re-orders your priorities. Dont blame you at all.

I’ll go to great lengths to “get my own back” on someone who has wronged me. I have a vicious tongue and will hone in on someone’s insecurities and then say awful things about them. I can be extremely nasty and hurtful with the things I say.

I would point out, though, that I would never behave like this towards anyone who treated me with the same respect I showed them, nor would I ever throw the first insult.

It stems back to being bullied at school and not standing up for myself because it was an ex-friend and I was so hurt that she had turned on me, and got lots of my other friends to take her side, that I genuinely didn’t know how to handle it. I was just heartbroken about it all, so sad rather than angry. So it’s almost as if I’m trying to make up for letting myself down all those years ago.

I can't bear people with a poor work ethic. Those that can't think for themselves and wait to be told what to do all the time. Also hate inefficiency.

I dont see other people's point of view. If i believe something, that is it and i dont want to hear your view if you dont agree with me. My DH has a big circle of friends and they have very different views on politics, the vaccine etc and agree to disagree and dont really discuss it. I truly dont understand this. Life is too short to be friends who are not like-minded and as such i have very few friends and am more than happy with that. I just dont have the headspace for discussion about things i dont agree with. I guess im not very popular!

I'm too nice 😁

@TheLightSideOfTheMoon What do you do?

What

I make the distinction between being awful and doing awful things otherwise you make it pathological meaning you can't change your behaviour

We can be awful and still strive to be less awful.

non - U

Alternative = 'sorry?' or 'sorry, what did you say'?' etc

I'm absolutely terrible at getting back to people, answering emails and messages, and following up with things I'm supposed to be doing. A diagnosis of ADHD in my mid 40s went a long way towards explaining this, but knowing it hasn't reeeeally helped me be a better person

I have a wicked temper.
I’m spiteful.
I can hold a grudge for a very long time.
I do not suffer fools.
I bitch about people behind their backs.
I’m overly fond of wine.

I am conflict averse and will go to great lengths to avoid confrontation. I am very long suffering but if I lose my temper, beware! I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of times I have actually lost it in the last 40 years. But it is so terrible hence me letting things go and avoiding conflict.

I'm childish, judgemental, lazy, negative, unforgiving, very easily irritated and rate my intelligence far too highly. I also swear too much. I'm a bit of a cunt really.

I think it was for working class households in the 80‘s! That’s where I learned/learnt if from along with other things!

@TorroFerney Yep it's definitely more polite than 'what?' And I think it sounds more polite than 'sorry?' personally, which has a sort of 'really??' vibe to it.

I'm afraid I don't use 'pardon' not because I'm a snob and think it's lower class, but it's just how I was brought up. I think 'sorry' is perfectly polite alternative.

Me too, word for word!

Oh, and I often find perfectly nice people unbearably irritating for no reason at all.

I'm a hypocrite and very judgemental while having my own skeletons in my closet - people in glass houses...

Oh, and I often find perfectly nice people unbearably irritating for no reason at all.

Same. I tend to think they're fake if they're too nice, because nobody is really that nice.

I struggle with sympathy. A lot of the time I have to try really hard to "get it" otherwise I'm wondering why people can't just crack on. Not just about death but other things.

Love these answers. I've found my people.

Shit, I’m nodding my head in agreement with at least 80% of these responses. I must be an absolute bitch.

Same!

DP once made a joke about me “marrying up” when I met him. I think he genuinely believes it though as when we met I was a single mum who had briefly been on benefits and was in a minimum wage job. As a result whenever he or pils correct someone to say pardon I get a little flash of self righteousness regarding our respective class 😳

I honestly feel slightly more healed after reading all of the replies. I have felt like quite an outsider and that my contemporary are holier than thou. But deep down I really know that everyone has an inner cunt!