To be annoyed they used the exact name

[holeymoleymacaroli]

Just found out that DH's cousin has had a baby (they are quite a close knit family). Had a text to say they had named the baby the exact same first and middle name as our son. DS is 4 and they were both at the christening and have seen him since so they were fully aware of the name. It's not a massively common name so it's not something you expect lots of people to have. I just feel really angry, like they've taken away part of his identity which I know is probably ridiculous. But why copy his first and middle name? His middle name we chose to honour his grandad and they have no family connection to it so I just can't understand it! Just feel like I need to vent somewhere

No, they really don't.

They can name their own child whatever the hell they like and they are not answerable to anyone, least of all a cousin and his wife, i.e. not even a particularly close relative.

They so do

I think that expecting someone to explain why they chose a name is weirder than choosing the same name as someone else. No one has ever asked me for an explanation of my name choices and I've never asked anyone to explain their choices. They really don't owe anyone an explanation.

Agree - very strange

Some people have very little imagination! A friend of mine gave her daughter the same name as her sister, which I found very strange!

At least your child is obviously older OP - it'll be obvious that they've copied you!

We had a traditional but not particularly common name we had always wanted to use but a good friend used it first, so when DS was born a year or so later we took it off our list. But we couldn't settle on a name - poor DS had us trying out a different name every day for a week. Then we mentioned the original name to someone, they said 'but it suits him', and it just felt right. When we explained to my friend they told us not to be stupid and to just use it. So that's his name. It was only years later that they let slip that they have the same second name as well. They must have told us both names when their child was born but we genuinely hadn't remembered otherwise we wouldn't have chosen that too. We see them fairly regularly and it doesn't seem to be an issue for anyone (unless they're very good at hiding a grudge).

No one owes you an explanation of their parenting choice... my god how entitled are you.

Believe it or not you (or OP) are not the center of anyone elses universes. No one 'steals' names because you are just 'too cool'. They just liked the same name (no explanation needed just obvious common sense). Maybe for longer than you even did but struggled to get pregnant, maybe its after a dead loved one, maybe it was the name she has loved since calling her dolly that at 2 year old, maybe its the only name both liked... who the fuck cares, they deemed it the best option for THEIR child and that all that matters.

Imagine thinking someone should give up their favorite baby name because as a distant cousin you feel precious over being unique.

Donald Trump's daughter gave her hild my child's name . First and middle not a common first name at all and the middle name my mother's nickname for me as a child. My mother was furious and wanted to sue 😆

I wanted to call my little boy the same name as my cousin gave her little boy as a middle name (I wanted it because it’s my partner’s great grandfather’s name, plus I really like it, it goes with my daughter’s ‘old fashioned’ name. She gave her little boy it as a middle name because of her daughter being obsessed with a certain pig on the telly and wanting her brother to have the same name as said pigs brother 😂😂 I’m sure you’ll have guessed the name by now!)

When I asked would she mind she told me not to be so silly, she had no issue.

Not in a million years would I have used his entire name no matter how much I liked it and I wouldn’t even have used his middle name without knowing she’s ok with it, I’d be gutted if I upset her.

I know nobody owns their name but that is so so strange!

I hope you wrote to them and demanded an explanation for this!

Right I was horrified! Although it was my mother's fault. I was going to name her Olivia with the same middle name but my mother talked me out of it.

I’m sure this lady thought she was doing me a great compliment but it just came across as weird!

My brother and his wife chose pretty much the same first and middle name as a cousin of ours child. Different spelling and middle name is slightly different but not much.

My brother and his wife thought lily g and hard about the name as it was so close, but the first name was a name they had chosen when they first got together and the middle name is a common name that is on both sides of the family and was important to sister in law.

I know my cousin was a little put out. However, her and my brother are not close and their children rarely see each other so it’s not an issue.

How sad, they obvs have no imagination and love your child’s name

what is it they say? Imitation is the greatest form of flattery. I shouldn't worry about it... they probably don't even realise they've done it

Personally I think it’s a compliment, they must like the name so much. It really wouldn’t bother me but I’m really easy going. It’s just a name after all.

Think the OP does for one.
I don't think you are the caring type, each to their own..

There will always be someone who cares what you do and thinks you should have done something different.

You can't accommodate them all.

The question is, how high should the OP and her husband's possible reaction have been on this other couple's list of priorities when deciding what to name their baby?

Perhaps they (quite reasonably) thought no one gives a shit whether second cousins share the same name or not.

YABU. No-one owns a name.

Perhaps we do.

I worked in a small research team (7 people).

Of the 5 women, I and another had the same name (let us say it's Joan), two others had a similar name of the same derivation (eg Joanne), and both the blokes were the male equivalent (John). The final woman had a totally unconnected name (lucky bitch! ) - a narrow escape as there is another female form of the name (think along the lines of Johanna).

Fortunately for Parvati, we were very forgiving. 😂

NB - all names have been changed tp protect the innocent, though anyone who worked in the same place at that time will doubtless immediately spot us.

I think you should be happy for then and stop making this about you. You seem them a few times a year. Get a grip.

@Mari9999 I was being facetious, obviously I think kid 2 will have their own identity. It was more a dig at the parents to say OP had put lots of effort into a unique name and they couldn't be bothered to do the same for their child. But like I said I would never actually say that to them, it was a joke. Though actually now that you mention it naming a child after a parent I do think stifles their sense of uniqueness, but that's inherent in the process right? I.e. you want to pass down a continued identity of being Donald Trump V etc.

Each to their own though, name your child whatever you want but don't be naive to the impact it might have on their future.

As I said on another thread I am so happy that things like this don't bother me in the slightest. Some posters must have ulcers the way they stress about the most trivial things. What does it matter???

It’s understandable that you’re annoyed. What they’ve done is pretty strange! Any chance your husband or another family member can talk to them and get them to change it?!

It's a bit odd, and very unimaginative of them, but does it really matter that much?