To be annoyed they used the exact name

[holeymoleymacaroli]

Just found out that DH's cousin has had a baby (they are quite a close knit family). Had a text to say they had named the baby the exact same first and middle name as our son. DS is 4 and they were both at the christening and have seen him since so they were fully aware of the name. It's not a massively common name so it's not something you expect lots of people to have. I just feel really angry, like they've taken away part of his identity which I know is probably ridiculous. But why copy his first and middle name? His middle name we chose to honour his grandad and they have no family connection to it so I just can't understand it! Just feel like I need to vent somewhere

So once again , other than annoyance on the part of parents who readily admit that no one owns a name, what damage is done to the child by sharing a name with an extended family member?

Does anyone have an answer to that question? In terms of identification for legal or business purposes, all of these people have different Dates of Birth so there is no confusion in those terms.

Have you spoken to them since the name announcement? What did you say?

I doubt they remember the other child’s middle name and probably feel a cousin is a distant enough relative to not care. These children aren’t cousins, their parents are, which is pretty distant. And if the middle name is James it’s stupid because so many boys are given that middle name. I have 2 Grandads with that name and my husband has 1 Grandad with that name 😂

First and middle name the same feels like an odd choice.
My bil named his dd the same first name as his cousins dd, a fairly common name though and they aren’t overly close. I’m not actually sure he knew when they named her, I am intrigued now so might have to ask. It does really confuse the great grandparents.

Same thing happened in my family. My son was 3 when my cousin had her DS and gave him the same first and second name. I found out a family reunion. All the cousins and children were there and my cousin had just had her DS. She came over and said she forgot my DS had the same names. We don't see each other very often as not close. It didn't really bother me but it might if we had a lot of contact. I just think they were nice names x

Both names is odd and I wouldn’t do it myself. I personally wouldn’t fall out with them about it though; they are highly unlikely to have named their own child for life with the intention of pissing you off, I suppose they must just really like those names and be thick skinned. I can’t see how jealousy would come into it as a motivator as suggested above, that’s a strange suggestion. It definitely won’t rob your boy of his identity either, so please don’t give that a second thought.

I'm ancient and only had girls but from being about 13, I wanted to call any son George, - at the time an old man name before old man names first came into vogue. If a friend or relative other than a sibling had had a George, I’d probably have said something about loving the name and calling any son of mine George if I had one. I don’t think I’d have shelved it. Similarly I wouldn’t have taken the hump if a friend or relative used one of my girls names.

Choosing the same middle name too takes it more into the bizarre category but I’d class it as odd, but not horrible.

With time you’ll probably get used to it; DD2 has a name that became very popular when she was about four and remains so, albeit usually spelled differently, but when I hear people taking to or about their own Fahanabananahammocks, it just doesn’t register that they have the same name as my own Fahanabananahammock. It doesn’t conjure the same picture and emotions.

No that is so weird! Like how did they have the guts to message you with the same name??? Did they not feel awkward? It's really weird, I'd imagine they have abit of an obsession and compare alot to you. Keep away!

It is a bit strange but as the children will be 1st cousins once removed, they maybe won’t have much of a relationship growing up.

Also, although unlikely, there is a small chance that the parents had already chosen their baby names prior to you having you son. Although if that had happened, you’d have thought they might have altered it a bit or swapped out the middle name.

Same here stepbrother called his son same first and middle name just switched it around ridiculous thing was we named ds after his paternal grandfather and my maternal grandfather so stepfather has a biological grandchild named after his wife's first fil 😂 I just said how unimaginative

Like fuck am I taking my cousins feelings in to consideration when I'm naming my kid.

They'll probably meet a total of 20 times in their lives

It might be that the cousin’s spouse always liked the first name, and that they have a granddad/ uncle/ brother that they want to go or with the middle name… and it just happen to be the same? Maybe there was a MN thread… me and partner have always liked xyz name and we’re going to call our child that, AND I was always going to use dear granddad’s name as a middle name because we were so close, and now partner’s cousin has used THAT EXACT NAME. Should I say something…
and the answers would be… no one owns a name, and how often to you see cousin anyway…

Also, depending on the name, the boys are likely sharing a classroom with other Theos/ Archies/ Frankies in few years time who they’ll see a lot more often than their cousins. They won’t be upset by it as you are.

The sad thing is that adults may stop speaking to each other about something that the kids won't give even a flying fig.

It is strange! Maybe middle name was a coincidence?

Believe it or not I have a cousin born on the same day on same year as me with the same first name, same surname and almost the same second name (like Isobel v Isabella). When brother phoned brother to tell the news it was a case of you've got to be f*ing joking. Neither names were after family member or tradition, it was literally a mad coincidence. Both registered at that stage so there was nothing to be done about it.

Me, my siblings and cousins on my mum's side all share the same middle name, as do my mum and her siblings and cousins on her side, likewise her mum and siblings etc.
I passed it on to my kids.
Male or female is irrelevant. That's the middle name you're having.
Some of us share first names and surnames too. ( Large family )
We don't think it's odd and none of us have developed an identity crisis.

I'd want to send them a passive aggressive congratulatory message saying something like - congratulations on your new arrival. An original, unique baby name is so important- it really gives a little one their own identity. hopefully little XX won't grow up feeling he's second best to the original XX.

In reality I'd just give them an insincere smile when I saw them and secretly think they were utter morons - who names their child tje same thing as a close relative?!

I’m going against the grain here.

the children are second cousins. That’s not a particularly close relationship. I don’t think it’s odd or weird at all. But then I’ve got about 40+ first cousins and some of them I can barely remember their names. I’ve absolutely no idea of the names of the vast majority of my second cousins. I don’t even know how many I have and couldn’t recognise them if they stood up in my soup.

I’m from an Irish Catholic background and I’ve got first cousins the same names as two of my siblings and many more called variations of Mary, Theresa etc. I’ve a cousin on my mums side called Jessica, and another cousin on the same side called their daughter Jessica. No one turned a hair. My cousin’s daughter has a name which is the Irish version of my own.

I don’t have kids but if I’d had a girl my favourite name is Eleanor which also happens to be the name of one of my cousins and yes despite this I’d use it!

I come from a family with 16 cousins, spread over about 20 years. One of the oldest cousins named her 2 children the same names as the 2 youngest cousins (myself and the youngest). He and I were about 7 when the first was born, probably 10 when the 2nd was born. We actually thought it was cool that our cousin named her kids 'after us'.

No idea what prompted her. Neither of our names were 'family names' nor particularly 'unique'. Just bog standard mid '50s names she gave to her kids in the early 60s. Never occurred to my cousin and I to ask her why. And it certainly didn't upset any our parents.

Just let it go.

My mums neighbours, called her two daughters the same as my sister and I which I thought a bit odd, but I guess she thought the names went well together.
My mums other two neighbours called their girls the same name as each other, only a month apart, and my friend has called her daughter the same name as my daughter, all very odd.

Obviously the OP cares!

@OhwhyOY
How can you possibly know what gives a little one his or her own sense of a unique identity. .Does that mean that all of the juniors who share identical names with their dads are unable to develop their own unique identities as young children?

I would be the first to say nobody owns a name and just get over it, but first and middle name is a bit odd alright, particularly if they are slightly unusual. Don’t think it would bother me too much to be honest but it’s a bit strange.

im going to buck the trend and take it was a compliment

It really isn't. I can think of many more things that really are awful. Sharing a name written a family member isn't a bad thing.

My cousin had their child first and stole my name for a girl. Absolutely livid! If they never had a desire for it, then are extremely weird.