To be annoyed they used the exact name

[holeymoleymacaroli]

Just found out that DH's cousin has had a baby (they are quite a close knit family). Had a text to say they had named the baby the exact same first and middle name as our son. DS is 4 and they were both at the christening and have seen him since so they were fully aware of the name. It's not a massively common name so it's not something you expect lots of people to have. I just feel really angry, like they've taken away part of his identity which I know is probably ridiculous. But why copy his first and middle name? His middle name we chose to honour his grandad and they have no family connection to it so I just can't understand it! Just feel like I need to vent somewhere

Maybe they just didn't remember the middle name.

That's weird that they've chosen the first and middle name. But TBH it depends how often you see them. My cousin and I are close and live about 50 miles apart and meet up several times a year so if our kids had the same names it would be strange. DH on the other hand has cousins he hasn't seen for decades because they live on other continents. If they had kids with the same name as ours it wouldn't matter.

Do they have the same surname?

Come on. Imagine you are part of a small, close knit family, just a few siblings and cousins, and you called your child Hazel Susanna, and then your cousin just announced their daughter was also being called Hazel Susanna. It's WEIRD.

So one set of grandparents has two grandsons with exactly the same name? That is bizarre! Are they planning to use a shortening at least? Otherwise, the GPs will have to use “little Mike” or whatever into eternity…..

I'd need to ask why. This is just mental to me.

That is odd, tell your DS to call him mini me

Luckily it's a different surname. I know I don't own a name but it's just so odd that they would use the exact name. They are close enough that we see them a few times a year at family gatherings and speak a lot over text, social media etc. The first name is not a common name, the second is common for older generations (hence our son is named after his grandad) but not for a younger generation. I don't want to say the name as it's outing but it would be something similar to someone being called Carter Raymond.

I would laugh and question it in a humorous way. Throw them into the ridiculous light they have created for themselves. It’s weird, it’s seriously weird, so reframe it and find it funny that they are so bloody odd. Your child is a few years older, so everyone in the family will find it odd too.

If I heard of two cousins with the same name, I would think either the younger child had a copied name OR that the parent of younger child at one point confided a 'dream name' which was 'stolen' and used for the older child, but still used for the younger child as a matter of principle.

Did the cousin ever say - my dream baby name is 'Carmelita Andie', and you thought, 'yeah, I love it' and used it yourself?

This is how I'm trying to look at it. My DHs parents are quite offended as he was named after DH's dad, they just think it's weird and will make things a bit strange.

Send the whole family a family photo with your ds's name emblazoned across it. Make them look like copying cunts.

Omg … 😏taken his identity !

No the name was never mentioned. Me and DH chose the name based on something we both loved about 10 years before we had DS and never told anybody about it.

I would congratulate them and say how flattered you are they chose the exact name and say how you all have amazing taste - and mean it. They are not at school together and imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. I've certainly cared less about others copying me over time.

I would reply something like

Oh wow, congratulations.

Is baby named after DS? He is asking. ( my four year olds would)

Can pass you down all our personalised clothes now!

Passive aggressive perhaps but gets the point across.

Yes very weird.

YABU .

His identity is not in his name

Unless it’s two names you made up yourself, they arent ‘yours’ to keep

If the middle name is an
older-generation name of the Raymond type era, it’s likely to be a family name from DH’s cousin’s partner?

I don’t remember my cousins’ children’s’ middle names, but using the same first name is odd, unless one side is a huge family.

YANBU. It’s not on at all :(

Obviously the OP. Because she has made this thread.

And rightly so, because it’s weird behaviour.

You’re overreacting, they likely can’t remember the middle name. I can’t remember my cousin’s son’s middle name and I was at his christening and have seen him several times since. I can’t remember any of my friend’s kids’ middle names either and I see them loads!

I think it is odd OP.

People have different levels of closeness OP but no way would they not know that's your son's name.

I'd be really pissed off if my cousin named their child the exact name of my child. Even just the first name is odd but first and middle!

I would also be saying something as PP days like "Wow you've given your Ds the exact same name as ours!"

'Grandad' names are everywhere and have been for years now, for both first and middle names. Maybe the names are more common than you realise? It's like when people say that they named their DC something special and then "suddenly the name is everywhere". Various cultural and social phenomena quietly slip names on to many people's radars and what people think is unusual, special, original, ahead of the curve turns out to be just a trend the parents are following. If the first name is in the same occupation/surname/American vein as "Carter" (your example) then, again, these are all current long-standing trends.

My brother and cousin have exactly the same first and middle names and it's really never been an issue. We just think it's quirky and unusual.

It would be difficult to resist saying how nice of them to honour their Uncle Raymond like you did, he's a lucky guy to have multiple kids carry his name forward. Hope their parents aren't offended that they didn't use any of their names 😉