To be annoyed they used the exact name

[holeymoleymacaroli]

Just found out that DH's cousin has had a baby (they are quite a close knit family). Had a text to say they had named the baby the exact same first and middle name as our son. DS is 4 and they were both at the christening and have seen him since so they were fully aware of the name. It's not a massively common name so it's not something you expect lots of people to have. I just feel really angry, like they've taken away part of his identity which I know is probably ridiculous. But why copy his first and middle name? His middle name we chose to honour his grandad and they have no family connection to it so I just can't understand it! Just feel like I need to vent somewhere

im going to buck the trend and take it was a compliment

Not a compliment when your child is now know as ‘big’ Jack and ‘little’ Jack - takes away a lot from the name.

It's bizarre, but your DS had it first. They are idiots.

There are 4 in my family. A cousin has 3 children. First two have the same names as my brother and one of my sisters. It meant that the surname always had to be appended to clarify which individual it was.

Irritating but not life altering.

Other sister and I used to laugh that she mustn't have liked either of our names when she named her 3rd!!

Children of cousins are second cousins. The OP and the new baby will be first cousins once removed.

I had this exact issue in 2020. My cousin on my dad’s side named their child the exact same first and middle name as my son. Again dad’s side so same surname as well, it caused a massive rift in the family in all honesty. We don’t have much contact with them anymore.

I could’ve forgiven the first name (popular classic name) but the middle is very unusual and very sentimental.

So for me YANBU.

My daughter’s first name is very rare in this country (foreign name) and even in my country of heritage. She is named after her paternal granny and I’m very, very sentimental over her name. Her middle names are equally rare.

If one of my partner’s cousins named their daughter the same name or even the English language version of it, I’d be very angry. I’d ask op why they are using the same name…. It is very weird to have chosen the same name as you. But more weird if the name is unusual and not in the top 100 names.

What about taking the approach that "imitation is the sincerest form of flattery?"
Send a gift with a card saying exactly that and add: we're happy you love the name as much as we do.
Then drop the resentment and move on.
Life is far to short to get hung up on this.

It's Lincoln isn't it?

Take it as a compliment, they obviously think you have good taste.

You say 'no family connection to the grandfather' but don't cousins have a grandfather in common?

People have two grandfathers. Unless it's incest.

If they were at the christening, I would kind of assume they heard the combo there but then forgot they did. So they just "felt" it sounds nice.

Let it go, it's odd maybe but not a big deal.

Have you asked them why they chose it? They must have their reasons. If they are close family then there shouldn't be an issue bringing up the question.

Someone eventually is going to ask, why do these guys have the same name.

You never know, the answer might surprise you.

Probably a bit late to this thread, but I've always loved the name Daniel. I have a cousin called Daniel though so didn't use it for DS. Thought it'd be weird for my grandparents to have 2 grandchildren with the same name.

You could always ask if they mind if you as a couple change both of your names to theirs, as you've always liked them and grown a bit bored of your own, if you really want to make the point.

My mum was really miffed when her sister called her DD exactly the same name as my sister. They grew up loving it though!

I'd probably do that too to be fair

That's so sick of them. Just cut the ries with them. They sound like a weirdos.

Is the name ACTUALLY unique? or do you mean its not traditional/dated to when we where younger?

The amount of people I know who named their kid a trendy name then got mad at other using it is hilariously sad. Generations don't tend to keep up with the movement of name, want a unique name that no other kid in class has call your kids Mary Brenda not Wynter Edith etc...

I also would say going to a christening means nothing, we just went to one and still are somewhat guessing at the kids first name (churches aren't known for their crystal clear acoustics and the priest mumbled) never mind knowing the middle name.

You also have no idea why they choose that name. My DS name is very important to us and was picked long before we even started trying. We then struggled with infertility for 10 years including losses before having to do IVF. A cousin named her 5th kid DS name in that time.

We still used OUR long chosen name... we went through hell already and refuse to pick some second rate name just because cousin was fertile enough to 'beat' us too it and SHE might feel upset over that.

Your child's identity is in no way his name... if all you are is a name thats really sad, you DS is so much more than just that.

I don't even know my cousin's middle names, I definitely have no clue what their kids middle names are. And we're a close family.
Honestly I won't let it bother me.

The amount of people getting really angry on this thread is hilarious!

Op - do you know the names of your cousin's wife's father, grandfathers, favourite uncle, stepfather etc? If not you have no way of knowing whether they chose to honour a Raymond from HER family. It wouldn't be unusual at all.

And who even remembers their cousin's kid's middle name from four years ago? Lots of people have said they don't, and I definitely don't.

As for the first name. You heard it somewhere ten years ago. Maybe they heard it twelve years ago? Maybe it means as much or more to them.

Point is you don't know.

This is all very dramatic. Even Shakespeare was deeming it so 400+ years ago.

It’s entirely possible that they don’t remember your ds’s name or that it is honouring another family member. Rather like these days, there are a lot of Olivas / Olivers, back in the day, there were lots of Johns.

😂😂😂😂😂

This is indeed super strange behaviour to me and something that would annoy me too.

However from reading MN threads for many years, if its any assurance this inter family name copying isn't at all uncommon. It happens a lot!

To all those pouring scorn on the identity point, this does matter. I didn’t change my name upon marriage because it felt like losing part of my identity. And young children can be pretty invested in this, my four year old goes around proudly declaring his name, yes including middle name which is a family one too. This is why kids want to write their names on everything.

It’s odd as hell.

But someone else having the same name doesn’t take away from it being your name. This is in no way the same as changing your name at marriage. Her DS can still proudly declare his name to his heart’s content because it’s still his name!