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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed they used the exact name

233 replies

holeymoleymacaroli · 12/11/2023 19:53

Just found out that DH's cousin has had a baby (they are quite a close knit family). Had a text to say they had named the baby the exact same first and middle name as our son. DS is 4 and they were both at the christening and have seen him since so they were fully aware of the name. It's not a massively common name so it's not something you expect lots of people to have. I just feel really angry, like they've taken away part of his identity which I know is probably ridiculous. But why copy his first and middle name? His middle name we chose to honour his grandad and they have no family connection to it so I just can't understand it! Just feel like I need to vent somewhere

OP posts:
PeppermintMandy · 12/11/2023 21:25

BreatheAndFocus · 12/11/2023 21:18

I’d ask why they’d named their child after your grandad. You’re right to be pissed off. So many names out there and they purposely chose the same, including choosing a middle name that means nothing to them. Your best hope is that they at least change the middle name.

I don’t understand why people do this with relatives and close friends. It’s rude.

Show quote history

  1. OP doesn’t know that the middles name “doesn’t mean anything to them”

  2. OP doesn’t know that they purposefully chose the same name.

Most people don’t know/can’t remember their cousins kids middle names. Especially if it’s a common old fashioned grandad name since that’s where most middle names come from is grandparents.

surreygirl1987 · 12/11/2023 21:25

That's really weird.

Isthisexpected · 12/11/2023 21:26

holeymoleymacaroli · 12/11/2023 21:02

@Mari9999 I will definitely be keeping my distance now because I feel strongly that I don't want my child to have confusion over the situation.

There will be no confusion. Your child will say "oh that's just like my name" once. Then carry on playing!

DinaofCloud9 · 12/11/2023 21:26

It's definitely weird and shows a lack of imagination. There's a million names out there, why pick exactly the same two as a relative?

supernoodletrain · 12/11/2023 21:29

holeymoleymacaroli · 12/11/2023 21:02

@Mari9999 I will definitely be keeping my distance now because I feel strongly that I don't want my child to have confusion over the situation.

Your son might quite like it! I can't imagine what would be confusing though

Wanttobefree2 · 12/11/2023 21:31

Really weird but it’s not worth falling out over either.

SemperIdem · 12/11/2023 21:35

I’m not close to my cousins at all, no particular reason just drifted apart as we got older.

I’m currently the only one on my paternal side with a child. My child doesn’t have an overly common first or middle name, though both are well known.

For the reason that both are well known names, even if relatively uncommonly used, I’d probably not think much of one or the other being used. I’d think it very odd if both were used though!

LookingforMaryPoppins · 12/11/2023 21:41

Its an odd situation, I totally understand why you are not happy. A family member of ours, closer than a cousin, named their child a name that is the same as my child's other than a different starting letter. I thought it odd at the time but didn't say anything, numerous people mention it to me and my child is upset by it...... I try to take it as a compliment!

Livingoncaffeine · 12/11/2023 21:46

I think first name is fine, I almost called DS2 a name that my DP’s cousin has since called her little boy. Not because I was stealing it from her or she stole it from me, I just love it and when we were talking about names she once said she loved it, not realising it was high on my list (and she wasn’t pregnant at the time). First and middle name is weird though.

Vet73 · 12/11/2023 21:56

I’d refer to them as ‘name the 2nd’ to make it clear

I have a friend that sadly lost their baby at 3 months old. Their sibling named their child the exact same name with the same two middle names as they “loved the name”. Unsurprisingly that relationship broke down in an instant

CanIGoHomeNowPlease · 12/11/2023 21:58

Just refer to the new baby by its surname - say that’s the only way to differentiate between the two children

KatBurglar · 12/11/2023 22:01

Jill23 · 12/11/2023 20:23

So one set of grandparents has two grandsons with exactly the same name? That is bizarre! Are they planning to use a shortening at least? Otherwise, the GPs will have to use “little Mike” or whatever into eternity…..

No, one set of great-grandparents have two great grandsons with the same name but different surnames.

This baby is a second cousin once removed from OP's son. My children barely know my cousin's children. There are three Joes in the extended family and noone is confused. Nobody remembers middle names.

It's a bit weird of them, but I wouldn't stress about it.

IlonaRN · 12/11/2023 22:01

Tell them that their baby's nickname will have to be "Copycat" - or maybe "Copy" for short! 😆

fuzzystar · 12/11/2023 22:06

Vet73 · 12/11/2023 21:56

I’d refer to them as ‘name the 2nd’ to make it clear

I have a friend that sadly lost their baby at 3 months old. Their sibling named their child the exact same name with the same two middle names as they “loved the name”. Unsurprisingly that relationship broke down in an instant

Oh my goodness. That's awful

JustMarriedBecca · 12/11/2023 22:08

In my experience, using a name usually leads to bigger issues. BIL used our personally written vows and name choice. The kids have been "pitched" and compared their whole lives by grandparents. Ours get bought things their cousins will like even though they are COMPLETELY different humans with different interests. At least your son is four years older.

I find as your kids get older you spend less time with cousins. And your son will have nicknames etc from school which will be wholly different from family names.

ladymuckofthemanor · 12/11/2023 22:12

Reply to the text 'haha, funny joke, there's no way you've named him the same as his cousin / our son. What have you really named him??'

Whoopy · 12/11/2023 22:12

When I was expecting my first child, I was convinced I was having a boy and we knew exactly what we were going to call him. It turned out I had a girl (so had to quickly think about girl’s names). Dh wasn’t particularly close to his cousin, but we saw him at a family occasion, where dh told him about this. His cousin asked what we had been going to call a boy, so he told him.

The following year I was pregnant again and found out dh’s cousins wife was as well. Their child was born first. It was a boy and they gave him the name my dh had told him we were going to use. Dh messaged him asking why he had decided to call his son by that name. The response was that they hadn’t thought of that name, but liked it when dh mentioned it. This was followed by “oops have we one upped you” with laughing emojis!

I didn’t use the name when my ds was born, as it would have looked like we had copied them, instead of the other way round…..but I haven’t spoken to the copying bastards them since. And no I don’t think I over reacted!

Iwasafool · 12/11/2023 22:15

So second cousins have the same name? I honestly can't see that is a big issue. I have first cousins who have the same name and no one has ever had a problem with it and it doesn't seem to have caused any sort of identity crisis. I think it would only be an issue for the children if the adults make it an issue.

GirlOfTudor · 12/11/2023 22:20

That is really odd. Have you asked why they e named the same as your child? What was their response? You have to bring it up with them or it'll forever be the elephant in the room.

Blinkityblonk · 12/11/2023 22:22

I have first cousins who are friendly but not that close and I think the second family forgot that one name was used by the first family, so now we have two baby 'X's, one about a year younger than the other. No big deal. The middle name thing is quite odd though.

Itsbritneybitch22 · 12/11/2023 22:28

Usually I say it’s just a name but this is really strange… think I would say did you not realise not all children have to have the same name.

Saffrom · 12/11/2023 22:30

Wow what weirdos. They must be very jealous of you guys to have done that.

Not much you can do except give their kid a nickname / keep your distance.

Theokaycokey · 12/11/2023 22:31

I would be highly surprised if they could remember your son's middle name! I struggle to remember all my cousin's kids' first names. And how do you know that it's of no significance to them on either side of the family. It is annoying but I doubt that copying the middle name was deliberate.

Alopeciabop · 12/11/2023 22:34

PLEASE, for the love of mumsnet can you just ask them?! Whenever I see one of these posts (which seems to be pretty regularly weirdly enough) the op never confronts the crazy name stealers?! It’s like just ASK them! It’s freaking weird and rude. Even if you pretend it isn’t rude and “no one owns a name” blah blah blah it’s definitely weird! Please ask. They then report back. Why would anyone do this?!! I neeeeeed to know their excuse?!!!

JANEY205 · 12/11/2023 22:36

If the middle name is James you are definitely unreasonable as I know a crazy amount of people including my own family with that name. I also know 3 children called Teddy James and I don’t know many children, so please tell me it’s that name 😂