To be annoyed they used the exact name

[holeymoleymacaroli]

Just found out that DH's cousin has had a baby (they are quite a close knit family). Had a text to say they had named the baby the exact same first and middle name as our son. DS is 4 and they were both at the christening and have seen him since so they were fully aware of the name. It's not a massively common name so it's not something you expect lots of people to have. I just feel really angry, like they've taken away part of his identity which I know is probably ridiculous. But why copy his first and middle name? His middle name we chose to honour his grandad and they have no family connection to it so I just can't understand it! Just feel like I need to vent somewhere

I don't remember the middle names of my nieces and nephews, let alone any cousins! And could there be a family connection to the name from other non blood relative parent?

I dismissed some names as being the same as relatives I was close to, but as someone else said, I'm from such a large family, there is and always will be doubling up!

This.

It's really annoying, but try to take it as a compliment.

However, they are bumholes. You know it, we know it, and in their heart of hearts they know it.

I do think we get quite possessive over names. I was a bit miffed when someone named my dog’s sibling (from the same litter) the same name - it’s quite unusual so clearly they just copied me. Grrrrr !!

However sometimes we feel we are being oh so out there and different but sadly are just part of a trend. Every other baby is now called a “grandad” name - Stanley, Ernest, Ronald… Same with girls: dd and her friends all sounded like parlourmaids, but the current crop have names like Shirley and Barbara. Not yet heard a Joyce or Marjorie yet! I have one of the most common (as in not unusual!) names ever for my age group. Dm was furious as she thought she had chosen a rare name.

Neighbours' 1 year old DGD is a Joyce . . . just sayin'.

Also - re: your "unusual" Christian name - I'm the same. DM picked the name because she thought "OOOH - that's nice! And you never hear it.

Out of the 20 girls in my class at primary school. 5 of us had that same name . . . and one had the same - fairly unusual (Dutch) surname , even though we were not even remotely related.

Gosh, this is the sort of thing I could easily do. I really struggle to remember the first names of extended families children, no chance of remembering middle names!

It is completely OTT to say they have stolen your child’s identity or whatever.

I genuinely couldn’t get remotely excited about this if I were you. Obviously we are all different though so if it’s worth getting apoplectic over, crack on.

I bought a product and had a lady call from the after sales team.

Anyway, before hanging up, lady said "I just want to ask you what joanofalltrades means, as it's so pretty".

After correcting her pronunciation of my name for the seemed like 100th time, I explained the origin and meaning of my name.

She said she'd never heard the name before and her daughter was pregnant, so if it's a girl, can she tell her daughter to use my name 😳.

Well, yeah, people don't own a name but lady, you can't even pronounce it properly!

I ended up saying that as long as she was happy having her DGD correcting people on how to pronounce her name, constantly and forever, then yeah, she should have at it!

Because joanofalltrades may well look easy to pronounce and spell, but trust me, it's a curse!

Well you can't copywrite a name, but yes it appears odd using both names.

They do say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery but I would just say it lacks immagination.

I wonder what the wider family thinks.

Your cousins child?

Wouldn’t even register as something to think about, let alone get het up about.

They probably don’t remember your child’s name or simply like it. Why get upset?

I think it's really weird and ridiculous of them. DHs cousin gave their daughter the same name as his firstborn (SDD) and I always thought that was odd enough. She was known as something akin to "little Lizzie" to differentiate between which was which. DHs brother gave his dog the same name as our son. I thought about retaliating when we got a dog, but both his sons have ugly names, so I didn't. 😬😂

I had similar too.

I have a very unusual name, its simple and phonic but CONSTANTLY misspelled/mispronounced. A friend of a friend who was pregnant made a huge deal of telling me she chose my name for her kid... I think she expected me to be honored. It was weird especially given she didn't say it right.

I full accept I don't own my name and anyone can use it, if I met another with my name I would be quite excited as I never have in real life before however the utterly creepy pomp and circumstance of a stranger announcing at a party in front of loads of people that she was 'honoring' me by naming their kid specifically 'after' me was so surreal and unsettling.

If she had had a kid and names it my name without saying anything I wouldn't have given too hoots but she went full bunny boiler... in the end she didn't use my name anyway and went with Scarlet Olivia (possibly as far from my name as possible).

People are odd in their behaviors.

Could be worse, I used to suppress a laugh at a 2nd cousin who was named after his father. Father was Big Willy, son was Wee Willy. I would imagine that would be a hard name to cope with but I did grow up and stopped wanting to laugh.

My friend had a similar situation- her mums friend likes her name so much they called her child her whole name and surname.
So friend is Claire Taylor and child is Claire Taylor Jones.

Not real names but friend was a bit weirded out!

This baby is, what, a second cousin to your child? Really, who cares?

I have a second cousin with the same first and last name as me and it is a non issue.

Even if they do see each other more often than most people see their second cousins, can't it just be a funny thing between them?

Say
"Congratulations. What made you choose these names?"
and wait.

They need to answer this.

Honestly, your child won’t be confused unless you make it a big deal.

it’s less common now, but cousins with the same name, and they’re not even as close as that, was very very common until recently.

If the middle name is common in the older generation then it’s highly likely to be a family name for them too.

@Emotionalsupportviper - perhaps we have the same name! There heaps at school, in my road and as for when I started work… mayhem 😬

I agree - weird, but just try to put it behind you. They won’t change it. We actively avoided any names the same as family/friends, but not everyone does (obviously). Our neighbour used the same quite unusual name as our granddaughter within weeks - all they said was “I knew we’d heard it somewhere” - we weren’t bothered at all, but within family I might have been more surprised.

I also think like PP that they maybe forgot your child’s middle name? I couldn’t tell you my family’s middle names apart from very close family - certainly not cousin’s children. They don’t generally stick in people’s memories.

I always had someone with my first name at school, college, friendship group etc. - never bothered me. There was another girl at school with the same full name as me, first middle and surname!

No they don't.

What an odd thing to say.

What they choose to name their child is literally none of anybody else's business.

How weird and stalkerish of them. They’ve just announced to the whole family that they have no original thoughts or imagination of their own and I’m sure everyone finds it just as weird as you.

All these people saying ‘you don’t own a name’ really? First and middle name? I could just about see if they really loved your child’s name sneaking it in as a middle name but this is just out and out copying.

And I would be really petty and put your child’s first and middle name in the congratulations card 😅

I'd be replying with "David Taylor Evans says hello to David Taylor Smith!" with a picture of your happy child waving :D makes the point!

Of course a person's name is their identity. What else is it?

@holeymoleymacaroli - my DH's sister did precisely the same thing to her cousin. Yes, to coin the descriptive used many times throughout this thread (and with good reason), it is 'fucking weird'.

Pointless saying anything of course, they're not going to change their kid's name, and if you speak unfortunately you'll be the one who comes across as strange. But it's a distinctly odd thing to do, which is why you're best off letting others come to their own conclusions.

In DH's sister's case, the one whose behaviour came off as weird was said sister. As indeed it would. Because just why would you?

I dunno, yous cant be that close if you have only just found out about the baby and theres a 4 year age gap so unlikely theyll be playing together for confusion to happen ect

My DS and his cousin have the same first name. Theres around a 7 year age gap.

Cousin is named after his uncle ( my DC father ) and my son is named after his dad so has same name as cousin. She might of been angry about it at the time, but my DS is almost 7 now and has met his cousin twice so it's a non issue

My cousin has just named their daughter with the same name as my DD. I couldn't give a shit. It's a great name, and the kids won't really know each other very much so it doesn't make any difference to me. If the kids were going to be in each others lives a lot then I might feel differently. If they are only going to see each other a couple of times a year I wouldn't let it wind me up. When you're with them you should start referring to your child as The Original 'insert name here'

@MargotBamborough they do need to answer the question of why they have their child those names.

What an odd thing to say that they don't.

If they want to remain close with OP then they need to pain why they've given their child the same first and middle name as OP's DC.