To be annoyed they used the exact name

[holeymoleymacaroli]

Just found out that DH's cousin has had a baby (they are quite a close knit family). Had a text to say they had named the baby the exact same first and middle name as our son. DS is 4 and they were both at the christening and have seen him since so they were fully aware of the name. It's not a massively common name so it's not something you expect lots of people to have. I just feel really angry, like they've taken away part of his identity which I know is probably ridiculous. But why copy his first and middle name? His middle name we chose to honour his grandad and they have no family connection to it so I just can't understand it! Just feel like I need to vent somewhere

OP doesn’t say they’re close knit. She says they see each other a couple of times a year. I don’t need to imagine being part of a close family. I am. I am genuinely struggling to remember DH’s niece’s middle name.

I said it was odd but thinking they stole his identity is overreacting.

This is the third thread on this "relative used my child's exact name for theirs" situation in a week.

I think this happens a lot.

I was supposed to be a boy and the two alternatives for my name were used by Dad's cousin for her two boys.

Mum is still annoyed and that was decades ago.

@holeymoleymacaroli
As stated , you don't own the names. In my opinion it is not uncommon for names to repeat in families. How do you imagine that you son will be negatively impacted by having the same name as another family member? During the course of his educational experience he will likely encounter this more than once.

I have seen several complaints about this on MN , but never once have the complaining parents ever stated what they think that the actual resulting harm or damage will be.

Using both names seems a bit lazy of them!

My dhs brother named his son almost exactly the same name as ours, and this was after they told us they didn't like our sons name.
So basically, if we called our son zack- James, they called theirs james-jack and we call our sons by the two names they're not just known by first name only.
(These aren't the actual names but they're as common as the ones above.)

So I get your anger and think it's just really weird.

Things like this cause rifts in families. Awful behaviour.

Id have to say something.

My dads brother gave his daughter the same first name as me and very nearly the same middle name ( think Julie and Julia) plus we had the same surname. She was just a year younger and I still resent it now, over 60 years on! Caused a lot of confusion in the family over which one of us was being referred to

Not sure what your point is on this?

Middle names are so irrelevant. I found out my best friend’s last week when I signed a form for her and I’ve known her 30 years.

Is the first name really unusual? Like Hector or just less common like Sidney?

YABU Totally

Me and dd have names I have only known 'owners' of once or twice.. Dm's mate from work announced it was purely coincidence her dgds had our exact names! Some people are just weird.

Given I can't consciously remember the middle name of any baby whose christening I've attended, I would bet £100 that they subconsciously remembered your child's full set of names, but don't consciously realize why it was in their mind / sounded good together to them, and may actually think they just came up with it. Deeply buried/lightly held memories are weird like that.

I still think it's odd to give the same first name as someone you're close with in a family, unless there's a family tradition that leads to it (eg naming the firstborn after the grandfather/mother, so you have lots of cousins with the same first name). But re: the whole name, I bet it's sublimated memory.

I'm not sure they will even remember the middle name unless you use it day to day.

@Mari9999 there's a few people in this thread who this has happened to with their own names. Most say that it annoys them. I think a name affects a lot about who you are, it's part of your identity. We put a lot of thought and effort in to our DCs names, we wanted it to be something they love and are proud of. If someone in your close family has the exact same now it could make you feel a sense of loss of identity.

@Totaly
So you would be one to create a rift in a family? In all likelihood these kids will get nicknames in school, and neither will be called by there given names.

To you, this would be worth family conflict?

Yeah it’s really odd behaviour, especially if it’s along the same lines as Carter Raymond in terms of popularity. Perhaps if it was Oliver Jack ….. you could perhaps understand.

I would reply to the announcement or text and say ‘What? Seriously? You’re kidding right? He’s got exactly the same name as our Carter? That’s bizarre, how come??

Also I understand people points about people's middle names not being remembered but when you name someone the exact same first and middle name it seems more odd/deliberate. It's not the most unique name in the world but it's also something that is unique enough people would be aware that they have been named the same thing deliberately.

I have a first cousin with the exact same first and middle name as me. My Mum's brother's daughter.. it's weird. My Mum still gives out about it after 30 odd years.. she'll still grumble about how out of all the names in all the world they had to choose mine 😂 so I'm saying YANBU at all

I have the same first name as 8 of my cousins. 4 with the same surname. My brother is one of 11. Its fun. Nobody owns a name.

Your post has made me realise I don't even remember any of my 5 nephew's middle names 🙈 should probably write those down somewhere!

So it's highly possible that the parents in this case had no idea they were choosing the exact same name 🤷🏼‍♀️

Yeah annoying.

I’m just having fun making some up, don’t expect you to answer.

Logan Albert
Saul Edward
Carson Arthur

@Mari9999 I will definitely be keeping my distance now because I feel strongly that I don't want my child to have confusion over the situation.

I’d be unhappy. And I’d find it weird to do this!

@SurelySmartie good guesses but none of them I'm afraid! 😂