To be annoyed they used the exact name

[holeymoleymacaroli]

Just found out that DH's cousin has had a baby (they are quite a close knit family). Had a text to say they had named the baby the exact same first and middle name as our son. DS is 4 and they were both at the christening and have seen him since so they were fully aware of the name. It's not a massively common name so it's not something you expect lots of people to have. I just feel really angry, like they've taken away part of his identity which I know is probably ridiculous. But why copy his first and middle name? His middle name we chose to honour his grandad and they have no family connection to it so I just can't understand it! Just feel like I need to vent somewhere

How unusual are the names?!

If you only see them very occasionally I wouldn’t get bent out of shape about it, and certainly don’t go down the road of thinking his identify has been stolen (that is going into bonkers territory)

I’d want to say “So glad you approve so enthusiastically about our both name choices!” but I think I’d rise above it and just be polite with the usual congratulations etc. I’d not mention it and just leave it up to relatives with less tact. 😁

Others will no doubt think and even say they copied you so I wouldn’t get too upset about it after this initial vent. I have extra annoying old relatives who would prob refer to their little lad as Name 1 Name 2 the Second.

Couldn't tell you my dad's cousins name,😐 let alone their kids

That is pretty unbelievable from them, I would be gobsmacked.

YANBU. There are thousands of names to choose from. DH's middle name is the male version of his older sister's first name and the same as one of his cousin's first name. I think that's weird - guess the whole family really loved that name .

That's just being ridiculous. He will have realised by now that names are not unique. Surely he has met more than one Charlie or Mia or whatever by now. All you have to do is say that some people have the same names, not unnecessarily make a big deal of it for him.

Ok well thanks for humouring me!

Middle names are only ever used or heard at birth christenings weddings and funerals.

And close knit or not these children are second cousins.

It's really not worth getting worked up about.

I'd probably message back "congrats! Obvs we adore that name combo as we have it too, great taste. Let us know when you are settled and ready for visitors"

Nice and amenable.

The baby's your husband's second cousin, so I can't see anything wrong with the baby having the same first name at all.

Same middle name too is a bit weird though.

YANBU. I would decline the christening with an excuse, if there is one.

Child won't be confused. You are being a drama llama

Well most people introduced to the wider family will think it means something? Two "Carter Raymond's" isn't an accident.
Both kids will grow up with this as a family name as opposed to one that's theirs.
The cousin will also have to come to terms with his parents being either unoriginal or a bit thick.

That’s so weird!! I would have to say with a totally straight face ‘Love the names, did you find it hard to choose them?’ 😂

I don't think the same middle name is weird, especially if it's a fabulous name on dh side of the family:

The same first name as well as the middle name is VERY weird. Particularly if it's not a common name.

When I was picking Dds name, I ruled out a few names I loved as friends or relatives had already named their dc that

If its something like Fox because you liked the x files then it's probably more common than you think and they might also like the x files.

But anyway yeah it's a bit odd but I'd just assume theu genuinely had forgotten your child's middle name.

Things like this causes rifts in families? People would be fuming? Really? Get a grip people. This is a lot of fetishising about names. It used to be very common to have people with the same name in families-in my own, there are lots of Elizabeths and James. No one has a problem with their identity or gets confused! I can understand a bit of bemusement and maybe annoyance over identical first and middle names but only fleeting. You named your son because you liked it-it really doesn’t matter that people you rarely see names their kid the same does it?

They are also written on family trees

Also, it doesn’t matter how far removed the cousin is if they are close enough to you to be invited to your christening or vice versa. If they are in your life for whatever reason, it’s weird!

My great, great grandad and all the first born sons have the same first name.
It's a very common name among Irish Catholics so it not unusual for first cousins to have the same first names, lots of my aunties married men with the same name .

I’d ask why they’d named their child after your grandad. You’re right to be pissed off. So many names out there and they purposely chose the same, including choosing a middle name that means nothing to them. Your best hope is that they at least change the middle name.

I don’t understand why people do this with relatives and close friends. It’s rude.

SIL and I have exactly the same name. I am the exact same person I have always been because my identity isn’t linked to me having a totally unique name. Almost no one has. The only confusion it causes is wondering which one of us people are calling for which is a non-issue.

You really need to take a step back and think what this actually means for your DS.

His Dad’s Cousin’s Son has the same name as him. What are the chances of him having a close relationship throughout his life with this kid?

Stealing his identity? Honestly a 4 year old is not going to give a shit, but if his mother decides to be eaten up with resentment over it for the next 30 years like some PP have experienced that might get pretty tiresome. God I wish this was the biggest concern I had involving family dynamics…my husband’s cousin’s child’s name.

YANBU- you will get the whole ‘you don’t own a name’ but with regards to close family you absolutely do. a name could be one you just randomly picked out of a book but it could also hold immense sentimental attachment. I had close family members copy how we chose to name our children and it upset me immensely and still upsets me all these years later. They didn’t even use the exact same names but used a lot of research I had done for our own benefit. So I don’t think you are overreacting but ultimately nothing you can do except think they are weird.

And that’s absolutely fine.

But myself, the OP and many other people here will know their parents cousins names. And their child’s names. It’s common in some families to have close relationships with their cousins.

So the OP is 100% entitled to feel how she does.